Blog – Page 9

Don’t Waste Time

October 4, 2017 by @candesscampbell

Keeping with communication, this week I’d like to share about Time. We communicate by what we say, but we also communicate by what we do. Earlier this week I was at Super Supplements and found myself behind a young man who was trying to purchase something. He struggled with figuring out what he could buy for the amount of money he had. He must have had a gift certificate or something. The cashier had partially ringed up his purchases and then he took off to find the perfect new purchase for the right price. As he wandered around the store, another person and I stood in line waiting.

I was in between clients and was running a quick errand and I was not happy with having to wait. The cashier said she couldn’t cancel the purchase and ring us up as he wandered. Finally another cashier came to open another register. I was burning up with Don’t Waste My Time.”

[clickToTweet tweet=”We communicate by what we say, but we also communicate by what we do.” quote=”We communicate by what we say, but we also communicate by what we do.”]

What I realized is I have been busier than I would have liked the last few years and I am like a mother bear protecting her cub around my time. Practicing Less is More prior to the book I am publishing by the same name helps.

Another book that was helpful is Sonia Choquette’s Soul Lessons and Soul Purpose. In the chapter Waste No Time she says if you “squander your time,” basically you hold yourself back and others too!

I loved that Choquette said, “Do not waste other people’s time either. It is emotionally indulgent and disrespectful to break agreements, send mixed messages, arrive late for appointment (or miss them altogether), or be unaccountable.”

[clickToTweet tweet=”Don’t waste the time of others! Be accountable. ” quote=”Do you tend to waste your time or other’s time?”]

It was twenty years ago I took the Landmark Forum and Advanced Forum. One gem I learned was how important it is to follow through when you Give your Word. It is about who you are and how others see you. You either gain respect and trust or you don’t.

Now, I am not saying I don’t mess up at times. Occasionally, for some odd reason a client appointment disappears from my calendar and I end up unprepared as someone shows up or I call a client because they missed an appointment and I hadn’t recorded they had cancelled. When this happens, I grovel appropriately and do whatever I need to do to make it right with them.

My time is valuable and so is yours.

Thanks for taking your precious time to read this blog.

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Communication and ADD

September 26, 2017 by @candesscampbell

Have you ever listened to a friend and thought “Can she even hear herself?” We all have patterns of communication and behavior that we exhibit to the world. Sometimes you don’t even recognize what you are saying or doing is in direct contradiction to what you believe. Often you will notice someone judging someone else for the very behavior they themselves have! I see this often on social media.

I remember one day my daughter said to me, “Mom, you’ve said that before, several times.” Many of you know when I was 14 years old I had an accident that resulted in a Near Death Experience with head injuries. As a result of this I have experienced some memory problems. Another result of this trauma was I lost my sense of smell, which also influences memory. A positive from the accident is a definite increase in my intuition. When my brain was injured, my intuitive self took over and now much of how I access information is intuitively.

Unless you continually challenge your brain, you can develop memory lapses. Since my daughter’s comment, I have been working on being aware and not repeating myself as often. Repeating can happen for reasons other than memory problems and brain injury. When one has a history of not being heard or have not being listened to by others, they can develop a pattern of repeating. Saying the same thing over and over again can also come from a lack of self-awareness. It can also be an ineffective way of trying to heal an emotional wound. You may say the same thing over and over but nothing changes. It would be more effective to change your behavior by accepting a situation or changing your relationship with the problem; forgiving, leaving, setting boundaries and such. Saying the same thing over and over can also be a sign of ADD.

Have you ever had a conversation with a friend, loved one or a co-worker who often repeated the same thing and didn’t focus. Someone with whom you tried to create a plan, but politely getting them to pay attention, listen and commit to a time was near impossible? Instead they just kept telling you all the situations that went on in their day and you were not able to set a meeting.

So, how to do you communicate with friends, loved ones and co-workers that are ADD or have ADD
symptoms?

[clickToTweet tweet=”What are ADD symptoms?” quote=”What are ADD symptoms?”]

Listed here are some of the Inattentive Symptoms of ADD; not the Hyperactive Symptoms. This may help you to identify why you’ve had some difficulty communicating with someone. It can clarify why you may have felt frustrated and hopefully will give you some helpful communication solutions for yourself.

Inattentive ADD Symptoms

Careless mistakes/lack of attention to details
Lack of sustained attention
Poor listener
Failure to follow through on tasks
Poor organization
Forgetful in daily activities
Avoiding tasks requiring sustained mental effort
Losing things
Easily distracted

[clickToTweet tweet=”Get tools to communicate with someone who has Inattentive ADD.” quote=”Get tools to communicate with someone who has Inattentive ADD.”]

Depending upon how close you are to this person, you may want to research more about ADD and continue to learn.
Here are some simple ideas that may help.

Use emails as your primary form of communication to set up meetings. This way you can scan the email quickly for the details about the meeting.
Start your conversation with, “I have one minute to plan this meeting.”
When the person becomes tangential, politely bring them back to topic. “Oh, I’m sorry, I
have to go, when did you say you could meet?”
Give the person 3 clear choices of times.
Be willing to set a boundary.
If the person won’t be decisive, realize the meeting may not happen and move on.
Plan your communication with the person when you have enough time to go through the
process to get the meeting planned.
Have a plan B for your time so if their disorganization creates a last minute cancelation, it
won’t disrupt your life.

These are some ideas that may be helpful. Again, if this is someone you live with or a supervisor, I encourage you to find more information on this topic. One book you may be interested in What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don’t? Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder by Michele Novotni, PhD http://amzn.to/nxks8h

If you have another resource, please share with us!

Kyoto- If I can lift the rock my wish comes true!

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When “The Secret Doesn’t Work!”

September 19, 2017 by @candesscampbell

In my niche, there are only a few people I know that have not seen the film The Secret, which came out in 2006. If you have not seen it, I am sure you’ve seen shows or videos online about manifesting.

“It isn’t working!” exclaim many of my clients! Even when they know what they want to create, when they have clarified every detail, and even created a vision board, they wait and nothing happens. In deeper exploration of this, I realized a problem.

https://youtu.be/EC_YmdPy2h0

What happens when you get clear on what you want? Are you excited and you match the energy of others who are successful? And then . . . You begin to doubt! All of the sudden, a voice within raises its ugly head saying, “You can’t do this.” You may think others can do it but not you or that you are doing it wrong. You may think you are not doing it long enough, hard enough, right enough. Then all the questions come up. What are you going to do with . . . What would you do about . . . What will others think? You’ll have to change everything; where you live, how you dress, where you go, your friends. . . it all hits at once.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Open your arms and heart and allow the Universe to gift you with your greatest desires!” quote=”Open your arms and heart and allow the Universe to gift you with your greatest desires!”]

What do others do who are successful? Well, a couple of things. One is they “do the work” and get underneath the issues that create this fear, increase their self-esteem, find support in groups of people who are similar, or they feel the fear they experience and do it anyway.

One way to do the work is to write out what you hear yourself saying and challenge it! An example from my own life is when I started filming the Reality TV Show for Soul Ltd. My biggest fear was what do I wear? If you are reading this I am offering a free download of my Abundance mp3. You can find it under products and use the coupon code 2015AbundanceGift. Enjoy! My mantra was I would live in my pajamas if I could. I boasted that I defended my dissertation with my adviser and others from the University over the Internet wearing my pajama bottoms. I did dress professional from the waste up!

What I told myself to calm my fears was, “I will be who I am. I love being comfortable and relaxed.” For 95% of the time, I can be in my pajamas or wear comfortable clothing. I can go make-up free and just be! I realized it was only for a small fraction of time I need to prepare for the camera. Only a small percentage of time I needed to be “on!” Once I understood this, I took a deep breath and realized there could be a million reasons I could make up not to take the next step. This was only one excuse. Once I understood that I do have control over my thoughts and actions, I was relieved.

[clickToTweet tweet=”You only have to learn to receive! ” quote=”You only have to learn to receive! “]

The second way to deal with this fear is to feel it and do it anyway. Now many of us have heard this before, but how do you do it? What I have learned to do when I felt fear is to sit down and close my eyes. I focused on my breath and relaxed myself. Then I brought my attention up out of my crown chakra at the top of my head up into the heavens. From there I looked down at myself and saw that I was “running fear” in my body. It was easy to see from above that my body had some responses that were irrational. I felt compassion for myself and understood it was just a physiological and emotional response. I noticed what I was feeling and allowed myself to witness myself from above. This fear is similar to when someone comes up from behind you and startles you or how you react immediately to a bee landing on you or when you see a spider. This is only a quick reaction. Soon it will pass.

So to recap – When you are creating a goal in your life, or when you are setting an important intention, negative self-talk may appear.

Write out what you hear yourself saying and challenge it. It is important to write it out because you have more control over your thinking when you write.

Sit down and close your eyes. Focus on your breath and relax. Bring your attention up out of your crown chakra at the top of your head up into the heavens. Look down at yourself and see yourself. From this distance you see that you are fearful or “running fear” in your body. Send compassion to yourself and allow yourself to be comfortable with the fear. You CAN create in your life what you desire the most!

You can do it!

Now you only have to learn to receive!

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Healthy Boundaries for Relationship

September 12, 2017 by @candesscampbell

With the nights getting cooler many are dreaming of leaves transitioning from bright green to yellow and red. You may find yourself pulling in more and beginning to think of nesting. Much of your contact this fall will be time spent with friends on social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You may also connect with friends on Facetime and Skype. Maybe you use your phone and share with friends while you are walking.

As a therapist, I often hear clients say they saw their friend or boyfriend/girlfriend change their status on Facebook from single to being in relationship with . . . They process the response to this very public demonstration of relationship status.

This leads me to think about boundaries. For many years I have created fairly rigid boundaries around myself. Since I am sensitive, this has helped me manage my energy. Being public as a therapist and psychic invites a lot of people into my space.

Recently, I had a visitation from my former husband, Peter Campbell who passed several years ago. He came to me with a powerful message (which I’ll share in another blog) and this opened up my heart. Now, I find myself crying a lot, which has not happened for many years. I find I welcome this opening, but now have to reassess how to shift my boundaries.

I hope this helps in case you want to reassess your boundaries as well. Do you have rigid, collapsed or healthy boundaries? You may want to print this out and talk about it with a friend.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Do you checked your boyfriend’s Facebook page to see who he contacts? http://bit.ly/2hGeB1D” quote=”Do you check your lover’s phone or Facebook page to see who they connect with?”]

Boundaries

Are you more likely to allow others to cross your boundaries or do you cross others boundaries?

Do you find you get too close to people physically and you see them back away?

Do you find yourself alone in a corner in a group and not reaching out to others?

The way you set your boundaries changes over time and also in different situations and dependent upon how you feel at the time. This is a general guideline you can use.

Collapsed Boundaries can be identified by:

Sharing too much personal information too soon.
Saying yes when you want to say no for fear of rejection.
Doing anything to avoid conflict.
Having a high tolerance for abuse.

Rigid Boundaries can be identified by:

Saying no to a request if it will involve close interaction.
Staying so busy you don’t take time for intimate relationships.
Being unable to identify you own feelings, wants or needs.
Making little self-disclosure and holding people at a distance.

Healthy Boundaries can be identified by:

Having the ability to say yes and to say no.
Being able to hear no from others and seek other resources to get your needs met.
You reveal information about yourself gradually and self-disclose appropriately.
You have relationships with shared responsibility for the relationship without blaming.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Do you have a karmic relationship? https://energymedicinedna.com/intuitive-readings/” quote=”Do you have karma with your partner? Do you share a past life?”]

Contact Candess for a Psychic Reading!

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Resolving Conflict

September 6, 2017 by @candesscampbell

“Sure it hurts, but if you love someone, you forgive them.” Blanche “Some things you forgive, some things you never forgive.” Kate

– from Brighton Beach Memoirs by Neil Simon

Our current planetary conflict is a great backdrop for me to expound on how to resolve conflict and the pitfalls of communication. With all the floods and fires on our coveted planet and in our politics, I thought this would be a timely topic.

Here are some helpful steps.

Clear with this person on an energetic level.

Ground your energy. Here is a video that will teach you to do this. http://bit.ly/wBHJbh
You have an aura around you which is part of your energetic self. Imagine pulling your aura in around your body. Pull it in about 6 – 8 inches around you.
Focus in your heart and bring your attention out of the top of your head into the heavens.
Image the person there with you. At this level, send them love from your heart. You may also imagine sending them golden white Light from your heart.
If you can do this without anger or negative feelings, talk with them at this level.
Come back down, image yourself filling up with golden white Light and release any leftover energy down your grounding cord.

Steps to resolve conflict in person.

Write out the situation in your journal and then re-read it the next day. Sometimes it helps to do this a few times, so that you can become clear on what happened and what you want to communicate.

Become aware of your own part of the situation, even if you perceive it to be minor in comparison to the other person.

If you are angry, look at where you may be feeling hurt or fearful. These emotions are often right under the surface of anger. Feel your feeling and let them go. Journal them over and over if need be.

Contact the person you are having conflict with and use clear, direct, honest communication. I suggest you meet in person (not via text or email) because this allows you not only to read the body language, but also to open your heart.

Give the other person the chance to communicate their side completely. It is helpful to use the words, “I heard you say,” and repeat back to them what you heard and let them clarify. This helps them to feel heard. You can hear what someone is saying without agreeing with them. It is important that you hear.

Once the other person feels heard, share your side. They may not listen well and you may not feel heard. If that is the case use the broken record method. Continue to say the core message again and again, “I hear what you say, and ______.” Yes, that is true, and _______.” Do this until they are able to understand they are not hearing you.

Make a request of the person such as “My request is we put this behind us and go on from here,” or “My request is that we continue to meet and talk weekly until we can resolve this.” You can use whatever it is that you desire.

Trust your intuition, and use as many of these steps as you would like. If the person is not willing to meet with you or clear the situation with you, then move on and let it go. No longer allow them into your energy field and set healthy boundaries.

Sometimes people have a hard time clearing conflict because of negative communication patterns. Often these reactions were learned in early childhood as a survival response to a dysfunctional family. In this case they may triangle in other people to take sides, or become passive aggressive and rather than talking with you directly, they will be passive in their aggression in a subversive manner.

More will be shared about this in this communication series.

One of the books I recommend for healthy communication is Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg

You can find other valuable information in my Self-Help Toolbox!

Share your own tools in resolving conflict in your life.

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