Lately I have been working with clients around grief. What is helpful to know is that when you have a current loss, past losses surface too. It is like they attach to the current loss. Often people try to stop crying, but I encourage allowing yourself to cry and then distracting yourself for awhile and then crying again. Feelings buried alive stay alive and then you over-react to something and the buried feelings surface in an explosion. When I have grieved in the past, there have been times when I would ask a friend to come “babysit” me. It was when it was helpful to not be alone, even if I didn’t want to talk. I would also ask friends to distract me, such as getting me out to a movie, walk or shop. If you are grieving, allow your friends to help.
Kubler-Ross talks about the five stages of grief. They are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. These can happen in that order and also happen all within one day in chaos. Anger is often the most problematic feeling. Anger is a secondary emotion that covers up pain and or fear. When you feel anger, take a moment to ask yourself “Am I in pain?” and “What am I afraid of?” When you do this you can identify the underlying feeling and are able to feel and heal the core of the anger.
