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Amusement and Neutrality – A true holiday gift!

November 25, 2013 by @candesscampbell

As much as the holidays are times of gratitude, giving and getting together with our loved ones; I have been a therapist too long not to know, they can also be stressful.

When you are with your family and friends for holiday gatherings, and especially when you are not usually spending this amount of time with them, the rules of behavior change.

I spend a lot of time teaching about setting healthy internal and external boundaries. For instance, having a good internal boundary and not over-disclosing, especially with people you just met, is a good idea. Setting boundaries with those who are inappropriate, mean, rude or hurtful is also important.

In the case of the holidays though, when you are together with a group (even family) that you are not around much, sometimes rather than setting a boundary it may be better to be neutral.

holiday

The reason I say this is the holidays are a time to be harmonious, grateful, share a meal together, and exchange gifts. It is also the time to celebrate in the way that you choose, depending upon your religious and spiritual beliefs.

Setting boundaries are important and come from high self-esteem. Setting boundaries in front of a group though, during a holiday gathering, can make everyone uncomfortable. We have all seen sit-coms where the holiday dinner explodes in chaos and accusations. Even with all the humor, if the television show mirrors your family; it can be awkward for everyone.

Rather than having a witness or an audience to your dilemma with someone, it may be better to communicate with the person in private at another time. So rather than reacting to the one person who “ruins it for everyone,” you may want to try this.

This is a neutrality/amusement practice that I teach in my meditation class called The Center of the Head. The more you practice this now, the easier it is to do when you are in the middle of a situation and need to choose to react or detach.

meditation

Close your eyes and take a big breath from deep in your belly. Bring your attention to the center of your head. This is behind your eyes and up a bit and between your ears. This is your own sacred space. Now open your eyes and notice the difference when you look out from this place. Close your eyes again and bring yourself into the center of your head. From this place, now with your eyes closed and later with them open, when you look out, you can see other people and situations from a place of neutrality. It is like watching a movie.

What others are doing does not have to affect you personally. It is just one scene in the entire film. You can look at what is happening around you with amusement. Think about how it is others are behaving and see the amusement in it all. Say to yourself, “this is an interesting way to do that.” It may not be how you would do it, but you see them with neutrality and amusement.

So, when you are with others around the holidays, when needed, bring yourself into the center of your head. Look out at the people and situations and as you are involved with them, practice being neutral and being amused. You always have this sacred place within yourself and you do not have to be involved with others when they cross your boundaries, or the boundaries of others. If someone brings up an old “story” that may be thrown at you in a prickly way, you can just remain neutral and be amused. You can wonder why it is they continue to stay stuck in the past, and just watch with amusement. You do not have to affect change or correct anyone this holiday season. You can just take time to be loving, gifting and care for yourself by practicing neutrality and amusement. This may be the best gift of the holiday!

Amusement and Neutrality – A true holiday gift! was originally published on Energy Medicine DNA

Reduce your Stress and your Pain!

October 30, 2013 by @candesscampbell

Just a note that on November 5 only, when you buy 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine on Amazon.com, you have the opportunity to receive valuable gifts, worth hundreds of dollars, just by buying 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine. You will receive Powerful Personal Enrichment videos with Dr. Brian Weiss, Money Mojo Now videos with Mary Shakun, Universal Principles of Thriving with Dr. Kim, Pain Relief with Sound Healing ebook from Charles Lightwalker, tele-courses, coaching sessions and so much more! (just email me your receipt!)

Many people think about stress as being specific to negative happenings in their lives, but stress actually occurs from both negative and positive situations. In fact, your energy system picks up a great amount of stress without you even being aware. What’s wonderful, however, is that your body is amazing at moving back into balance.

You may remember a time when something happened suddenly and unexpectedly, and you immediately went into a heightened state of awareness. Your body is set up with a protective mechanism toward “fight” or “flight.” This reaction creates an outpouring of adrenaline and other hormones into your blood stream, which produces a number of protective changes in your body. This flood provides you with the energy and strength to either fight or flee from the situation. Here, your heart rate increases, allowing more blood flow to your muscles, brain, and heart. Your breathing also increases to a faster pace in order to take in more oxygen, and your muscles tense in preparation for action. You become mentally alert, and your senses become more aware so that you can assess the situation and act quickly. In addition to this, your blood sugar, fats, and cholesterol increase for extra energy. There is a rise in your platelets and blood clotting ability, which prevents hemorrhaging in case of injury.

Most of the time though, you don’t have this fight-or-flight response. Instead, there is a steady stream of stressors that increase and decrease as the day goes on. You become accustomed to the stress and then see it as normal, and all the while it is taking a toll on your body. You may find you compare yourself to others and then think that you don’t have it so bad, or that your stress is worse than others, which creates more stress.

If this makes you wonder about your own stress level I have provided you with the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. It is a standard test developed initially in 1967 by two psychiatrists, Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe. This test was published as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS). Using Life Change Units (LCU), they were able to correlate the relationship between stress and illness in participants. In 1970, Rahe implemented another test, which assessed the reliability of the stress scale as a predictor of illness. Take a moment to evaluate your stress level with this Life Event Stress scale.

http://candesscampbell.com/books/self-help-toolbox

Having taken the stress test, you may be surprised by the results. If you find you do not have many of the stressors listed but still struggle with stress, understand that although we share a human experience, we all experience life differently.

In addition to understanding what stresses you, you may also experience physical symptoms of stress such as increased heart rate, pounding heart, elevated blood pressure, sweaty palms, headache, trembling, twitching, stuttering, sleep disturbances, fatigue, shallow breathing, dry mouth, cold hands, itching, being easily startled, chronic pain, susceptibility to illness, and tightness in the chest, neck, jaw, and back muscles.

Emotional signs and symptoms of stress include irritability, angry outbursts, hostility, depression, jealousy, restlessness, withdrawal, anxiousness, diminished initiative, hyper-vigilance, feeling that things are not real, lack of interest in things you used to enjoy, crying outbursts, being critical of others, self-deprecation, nightmares, impatience, lack of hope, narrowed focus, obsessive rumination, lack of self-esteem, insomnia, and either overeating or loss of appetite.

In addition to taking the Holmes and Rahe Stress test mentioned earlier, before you make changes, figure out on a scale from 1–10 how stressed you feel in your life. Do this with 1 being little or no stress, 5 being a medium level of stress (or being stressed about half the time during the week), and 10 being a high level of stress (or being stressed daily). Make a note of your stress score in your journal so you can test yourself again after using some of the tools outlined for you.

Ways in which you can reduce stress:

  1. Compartmentalize your life—focus on one thing at a time.
  2. Set realistic goals and break projects down into manageable pieces.
  3. Know your limits and prioritize.
  4. Eat healthy and avoid sugary snacks.
  5. Decrease or alleviate caffeine altogether.
  6. Move your body.
  7. Get enough sleep—7 or 8 hours a night is recommended.
  8. Decrease or alleviate alcohol altogether.
  9. Get massage or receive healthy touch.
  10. Become a non-smoker.
  11. Practice relaxation.
  12. Share with friends.
  13. Journal.
  14. Create play in your life!
  15. Listen to your body and your emotions.

This is just a beginning for you to start reducing stress in your life. Often when you change your behaviors, you do not notice a difference at first. You may want to put this list on the refrigerator or a mirror and practice for six months to see how your life changes. Then assess your stress level on a scale from 1–10 again and see how much you have improved.

You know your body more than anyone else. Taking an inventory of yourself can be life changing!

A short video that teaches you to ground your energy and relax is at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWajD6Upuiw. You can do this daily to teach your body to relax.

Click here to find more information about 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine.

Previously published in Live Encounters Magazine June 2013

Resolving Conflict!

September 30, 2013 by @candesscampbell

Recently at Interplayers Theatre, I saw the play Brighton Beach Memoirs by Neil Simon. It was an incredible performance that exemplified the topic at hand – conflict.

The story is about Eugene, an adolescent, Jewish boy in 1937. He recalls his memories of living with his parents, aunt, two female cousins, and his brother at a time when he was going through puberty, sexual fantasy, poverty, and living in a crowed home. In this play, Eugene Jerome, played by Nich Witham, gave an over-exaggerated sense (in a fantastic performance) of not being heard and doing what he could to find his place and get his needs met in this family.

This play was a great backdrop for me to expound on how to resolve conflict and the pitfalls of communication. Here are some helpful steps.

 Clear with this person on an energetic level.

1. Ground your energy. Here is a video that will teach you to do this. http://bit.ly/wBHJbh

2. You have an aura around you which is part of your energetic self.  Imagine pulling your aura in around your body. Pull it in about 6 – 8 inches around you.

3. Focus in your heart and bring your attention out of the top of your head into the heavens.

4. Image the person there with you. At this level, send them love from your heart. You may also imagine sending them golden white Light from your heart.

5. If you can do this without anger or negative feelings, talk with them at this level.

6. Come back down, image yourself filling up with golden white Light and release any leftover energy down your grounding cord.

Steps to resolve conflict in person.

1. Write out the situation in your journal and then re-read it the next day. Sometimes it helps to do this a few times, so that you can become clear on what happened and what you want to communicate.

2. Become aware of your own part of the situation, even if you perceive it to be minor in comparison to the other person.

3. If you are angry, look at where you may be feeling hurt or fearful. These emotions are often right under the surface of anger. Feel your feeling and let them go. Journal them over and over if need be.

4. Contact the person you are having conflict with and use clear, direct, honest communication. I suggest you meet in person (not via text or email) because this allows you not only to read the body language, but also to open your heart.

5. Give the other person the chance to communicate their side completely. It is helpful to use the words, “I heard you say,” and repeat back to them what you heard and let them clarify. This helps them to feel heard. You can hear what someone is saying without agreeing with them. It is important that you hear.

6. Once the other person feels heard, share your side. They may not listen well and you may not feel heard. If that is the case use the broken record method. Continue to say the core message again and again, “I hear what you say, and ______.” Yes, that is true, and _______.” Do this until they are able to understand they are not hearing you.

7. Make a request of the person such as “My request is we put this behind us and go on from here,” or “My request is that we continue to meet and talk weekly until we can resolve this.” You can use whatever it is that you desire.

8. Trust your intuition, and use as many of these steps as you would like. If the person is not willing to meet with you or clear the situation with you, then move on and let it go. No longer allow them into your energy field and set healthy boundaries.  (I will share more about this in a future video and blog.)

Sometimes people have a hard time clearing conflict because of negative communication patterns.  Often these reactions were learned in early childhood as a survival response to a dysfunctional family. In this case they may triangle in other people to take sides, or become passive aggressive and rather than talking with you directly, they will be passive in their aggression in a subversive manner.

More will be shared about this in this relationship series.

One of the books I recommend for healthy communication is Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg

You can find other valuable information at http://candesscampbell.com/books/self-help-toolbox

Bless your heart,

Candess

 

 

Resolving Conflict!

September 30, 2013 by @candesscampbell

   Recently at Interplayers Theatre, I saw the play Brighton Beach Memoirs by Neil Simon. It was an incredible performance that exemplified the topic at hand – conflict.

   The story is about Eugene, an adolescent, Jewish boy in 1937. He recalls his memories of living with his parents, aunt, two female cousins, and his brother at a time when he was going through puberty, sexual fantasy, poverty, and living in a crowed home. In this play, Eugene Jerome, played by Nich Witham, gave an over-exaggerated sense (in a fantastic performance) of not being heard and doing what he could to find his place and get his needs met in this family.

   This play was a great backdrop for me to expound on how to resolve conflict and the pitfalls of communication. Here are some helpful steps.

Clear with this person on an energetic level.

1. Ground your energy. Here is a video that will teach you to do this. http://bit.ly/wBHJbh

2. You have an aura around you which is part of your energetic self.  Imagine pulling your aura in around your body. Pull it in about 6 – 8 inches around you.

3. Focus in your heart and bring your attention out of the top of your head into the heavens.

4. Image the person there with you. At this level, send them love from your heart. You may also imagine sending them golden white Light from your heart.

5. If you can do this without anger or negative feelings, talk with them at this level.

6. Come back down, image yourself filling up with golden white Light and release any leftover energy down your grounding cord.

Steps to resolve conflict in person.

1. Write out the situation in your journal and then re-read it the next day. Sometimes it helps to do this a few times, so that you can become clear on what happened and what you want to communicate.

2. Become aware of your own part of the situation, even if you perceive it to be minor in comparison to the other person.

3. If you are angry, look at where you may be feeling hurt or fearful. These emotions are often right under the surface of anger. Feel your feeling and let them go. Journal them over and over if need be.

4. Contact the person you are having conflict with and use clear, direct, honest communication. I suggest you meet in person (not via text or email) because this allows you not only to read the body language, but also to open your heart.

5. Give the other person the chance to communicate their side completely. It is helpful to use the words, “I heard you say,” and repeat back to them what you heard and let them clarify. This helps them to feel heard. You can hear what someone is saying without agreeing with them. It is important that you hear.

6. Once the other person feels heard, share your side. They may not listen well and you may not feel heard. If that is the case use the broken record method. Continue to say the core message again and again, “I hear what you say, and ______.” Yes, that is true, and _______.” Do this until they are able to understand they are not hearing you.

7. Make a request of the person such as “My request is we put this behind us and go on from here,” or “My request is that we continue to meet and talk weekly until we can resolve this.” You can use whatever it is that you desire.

8. Trust your intuition, and use as many of these steps as you would like. If the person is not willing to meet with you or clear the situation with you, then move on and let it go. No longer allow them into your energy field and set healthy boundaries.  (I will share more about this in a future video and blog.)

   Sometimes people have a hard time clearing conflict because of negative communication patterns.  Often these reactions were learned in early childhood as a survival response to a dysfunctional family. In this case they may triangle in other people to take sides, or become passive aggressive and rather than talking with you directly, they will be passive in their aggression in a subversive manner.

   More will be shared about this in this relationship series.

   One of the books I recommend for healthy communication is Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg

   You can find other valuable information at http://candesscampbell.com/books/self-help-toolbox

Bless your heart,

Candess

 

Resolving Conflict! was originally published on Energy Medicine DNA

Clearing your Space and Mind

September 18, 2013 by @candesscampbell

Clearing Your Space and Mind

Have you ever noticed that after clearing off your desk or cleaning out your purse or briefcase, you feel a lot more organized? Do you notice that you think more clearly? It is true that your inner mind reflects your outer environment, and your external environment affects your mind. Feng Shui experts teach about the flow of energy and how the placement of objects can affect your life and your health. The chi, or life force, gets stuck, and it can create an imbalance or even illness.

Several years ago, my former husband and I were looking for a home to buy. Our vision was a country home near a source of water. One home we looked at was sitting in a narrow valley between two mountains nearby. When I looked at the placement of the house, I thought energy would get stuck between the two mountains and whoever lived in that house would most likely get sick. I asked the realtor why the couple was selling. He shared with us that both people who lived there were ill and had to move closer to their children. It is important that energy be able to flow and not become stagnant. Sometimes, clutter can stop the movement of energy as well.

Have you ever found out that you bought two or more of the same book, forgetting you already bought it, yet never reading it? Do you have several of the same items or many items that you don’t use? Does the clutter make it difficult to find anything? How about technology? Do you know how to use all the features of your camera, smartphone and computer? Are you so overwhelmed with your electronic toys that you can’t remember how to use them? Maybe you can’t even find them!

The concept of “less is more” does not only mean using what you have, but also learning to live within your means! When you make purchases, focus on quality, not quantity. Use what you have before you buy something new.

Now is the time to make the commitment to clear your space. Notice what you use easily, without effort and regularly. A good rule of thumb is if you don’t use it or love it, give it away or sell it. You can begin by going through your home, room-by-room, and finding three items each day that you really don’t use or need. Create two piles, one “give away” pile and one “sell” pile. If the object is not worth much, you can save money and time by just giving it away to a charity. If you have a business, you can even write the donation amount off on your taxes.

Opportunity

1. Stop right now and set your kitchen timer or watch for 15 minutes. Pick an area of your house that needs some organization. Choose a drawer, bookshelf or even the kitchen table. Chose something that is manageable in a short amount of time. Organize and come back.

That felt great, didn’t it? When you take a 15 or 20-minute time interval, it makes organizing manageable, and the reward is great.

2. Sit and visualize your home. List in your journal the areas you need to clear out. Assign an order to the list and make a commitment to begin the clearing. Start with small areas so you feel successful. Next, pick an area where you feel the most overwhelmed by clutter. Break it down into smaller areas. It can be helpful to have paper bags or plastic containers to put items in that will take longer, such as paperwork or items you might find in a junk drawer. Clear the area, using one bag or container at a time, and either put the things away, give them away or add them to the “sale” pile.

Hint: When organizing paperwork, you can bring the bag into the living room and go through it when you are watching TV, listening to music or at the kitchen table when you are talking with your loved ones.

3. If the idea of touching the mess or moving anything is too much for you, take your journal and use these sentence stems:

I am most overwhelmed when . . .
I feel secure when . . .
If I were organized, I’d be . . .
A simple step I can make today is . . .

4. Call a friend or a family member who can come over and be with you when you organize. This shared energy, even if they don’t help, makes the task seem easier.

5. Set up a family or neighborhood yard sale. As you do this, you will find it easier and easier to let go of items you don’t use. Allow someone to be your muse for organization.
And last, and maybe the best for you, hire a home organizer or even a housekeeper to help you begin this process. It will be well worth the money spent.

How to Choose a Psychic Healer

September 15, 2013 by @candesscampbell

Where ever you look today you see the words psychic, intuitive and healer.  For those of us who have been providing these services for many years, it is so exciting that, once alienated and thought “weird,” we are now moving into the mainstream.

The downside of this though, is anyone can say they are a psychic, an intuitive and a healer. This whole subject is double edged for me. On one hand, I believe and teach that we are all intuitive and all have healing ability. The other side though, is that just because we are intuitive and have healing ability does not make us a psychic, an intuitive or a healer.

It is rare to find someone who immediately has these abilities or has the abilities without training and practice.

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Today we have so many tools like tarot cards, medicine cards and such, and these are fun to use to get bits and pieces of information. To be a professional card reader though, to be in integrity and to charge for these readings, it can take years of practice.

So how do you know who to trust and who is just putting out a self- proclaimed shield without backing?  You have a right to know about the person you hire and who you let work in your energy field or read you psychically. If they don’t charge you, be even more careful because those of us who are highly skilled, usually charge.

Here are some guidelines.

1. Find out where they received their training. What school did they attend, what classes did they take, and are they certified? Do they have supervision?  Most who are legitimate in these fields will be able to tell you, and proudly. Now, many of the spiritual healing and intuitive modalities are not accredited like medical schools or counseling programs, but the practitioner should be able to tell you where they learned their skills, what programs they took, or, with Reiki, the lineage of their teachers.

2. Have them share with you how long they have been doing this work. Their response to the question may be more important than how long they practiced. If they are not clear about this, that may be a red flag.

3. Make sure you work with someone who can be open and honest with you about what they do. If they cannot explain what they do, you may want to go to someone who has a definite skill and can back it up.

4. Find out if they get continuing education in their practice. The value of seeing professionals such as licensed counselors and physicians is they are required to have continuing education and stay up on what is happening in their field. See if your practitioner is doing the same. This includes a clear understanding of setting boundaries (their own and with clients) and the ethics of working with clients.

Whether you want to hire a psychic, an intuitive or a healer or you are a psychic, intuitive, or healer, it is important to know that not all people are trained and skilled appropriately. If you don’t trust the person you are seeing, find someone else. If you are uncertain about your own skills, get more training. You will feel better about yourself and attract more clients.

Here are a couple examples of why you want to make sure you are seeing the right person.

1. You want to receive a service from someone who understands more than you do about working with people. For instance, let’s say you are a person who believes everything you hear. You go to a psychic and she says you will lose your job in 3 months. You return to work and begin (subconsciously) to create the situation where you end up losing your job.

Now, if you are what we call highly programmable (believe everything you hear from the psychic) rather than discerning the information through your own filter, this can happen. A skilled psychic would be able to see this about you and speak with you in a way that you would receive the information you needed, but not leave her office and sabotage your job.  An untrained psychic or intuitive may not understand programmability and may send you on your way to self-destruct.

2. It is important to see someone who does the emotional, mental, and spiritual work themselves. If not, they may have the tendency to “project” onto you some of what they are working on. An example from my own life is, when I was ill several years ago, unknowingly struggling with adrenal fatigue, I went to a local woman for a reading. She had two decks of cards. One had a border and then a cut out for another card and they together made one picture.

The outer border I picked was a picture of a barn. The inner picture was of a shovel. I was really ill, having no energy and could barely think at the time. She asked me to tell her what it meant. I couldn’t figure it out. She was impatient with me and said “it means your are supposed to pick up the shovel and get to work!” Well, not long afterward I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue (which I write about in my book 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine.) Shortly after that all I could do was rest. I could manage one client a day and that was it. Hindsight is, the card meant to put the shovel down and stop working, but the judgment I received from her was I was not doing enough. I also had felt I didn’t do enough which is why I had driven myself to such a physical state.

Had I known how to pick the right person to help me, the situation would have been much different. What happens though, is when we are at the bottom and reaching out for help, sometimes we just reach out anywhere. As you read this now, hoping your life is healthy and balanced, research the people you would choose for your psychic and your healer.  Then when you need them, you will have confidence in your choice!

How to Choose a Psychic Healer was originally published on Energy Medicine DNA

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Candess M. Campbell, PHD.

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