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Stop Yelling at Me!

November 3, 2016 by @candesscampbell

Angering at someone is rarely effective. Whether you raise your voice, yell, call names or threaten; it’s really not helpful. What happens is people learn to avoid you or to get back at you by being passive aggressive.

Your feelings of anger are real, but anger is a secondary emotion. Anger covers up feelings of pain or fear. When you feel angry, before you start angering out at someone, ask yourself these questions. What am I afraid of? What hurts? Communicating with others directly about your fears and your pain can open the door for a better relationship.

When communicating, people often say, “I feel” when they really mean is “I think.” For instance, you may say “I felt attacked when you said such and such.” What you’re really saying is, “You attacked me.” Another way of saying that might be, “I felt scared,” “I felt paralyzed,” or “I felt hurt when you said such and such.”

[clickToTweet tweet=”Communicating directly about your fear and pain can create better relationships.” quote=”Communicating directly about your fear and pain can create better relationships.”]

It’s really difficult communicating with someone who is unwilling to explore the underlying issues in a relationship. If you find yourself wanting to keep busy and distract yourself rather than dealing with the issue or the relationship, the feelings you’re avoiding become buried. Feelings buried alive staying alive. What happens then is those feelings later surface around a similar issue, generally in an explosive reaction. That’s what it means to become triggered.

I was motivated to write this blog after reading a FaceBook post from a man who was angry and calling another person names because of their political view. That is a big issue here in the US right now. I was curious about this man, so I looked at his profile. He listed his profession as a sports coach to high school students. My immediate thought was do parents know that this person is acting as a coach and mentor to their children?

[clickToTweet tweet=”Be Kind – Be Kind – Be Kind!” quote=”“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” ― Henry James”]

Feelings of anger are normal. If you are often reactive in an anger manner, it’s rare that you would be able to fix this on your own. Therapy can be really helpful and give you an opportunity to vent in a safe place and not at the person you’re angry with. You can learn some coping tools so you don’t damage your relationships. You may also even heal the underlying pain or make changes to clear the fear.

What is really important, especially now that bullying is so prevalent, is we teach our children how to communicate, not by what we say to them but by what they witness us saying and doing to others. Therapy is a luxury that you can’t afford not to give yourself if your anger tears at the fabric of your relationships.

In the last blog I gave you some information about the Saboteur Archetype and encouraged you to use the information to explore within yourself in the privacy of your journal. Today, I am focusing on the Victim Archetype. This information comes from information from Caroline Myss’ work in her Sacred Contracts book and the classes I took from her on Medical Intuition and Sacred Contracts. I have also added information that I have gained from working as a mental health counselor and chemical dependency professional for over 20 years.

Remember that we all have 4 archetypes that we share. These are the Child, Victim, Saboteur and Prostitute. Each of these archetypes have a positive side to them and with the Victim it is Self-Esteem. This would be the other side of the victim.

In the process of your journey and self-healing, you have to come to terms with your victim self and move beyond this state of being. You can identify your victim, confront the behavior, love and forgive yourself and bring your energy into present time. In fact, unless you can bring at least 80% of your energy into present time, you will not have the power to self-heal. What do I mean by bringing yourself into present time? Watch your thoughts. Do you go off to the future (which can create anxiety) or drift off to the past (which can cause depression) or are you able to be present in the moment?

If you journal, this will give you a great opportunity to explore your inner life journaling from these characteristics. You may want to use my book Live Intuitively: Journal the Wisdom of your Soul when you explore deeper. You can use the Soul Stems, which are writing prompts to take you deeper into your Self!

Victim Archetype

Guardian of Self Esteem

Core issue is whether it is worth giving up your own sense of empowerment to avoid taking responsibility for your independence.

When you don’t stand up for yourself after awhile you no longer can tell the difference whether you are being victimized or not; so either you are being victimized and don’t know it or you are not being victimized, but act as if you are.
The victim archetype helps you decide what you will or will not do; a guardian of personal boundaries.
Lessons associated with the victim archetype demand that you evaluate your relationship to power, especially with people with whom you have control issues and have to set boundaries.
Primary objective is to develop self-esteem and personal power.
You have contracts with people whose primary purpose is to help you develop yourself-esteem through acts of honesty, integrity, courage, endurance and self-respect.
The victim will entice you to feel sorry for yourself.
You can act like a victim and give in or call upon your companions and guides for help.
Like the lion in the Wizard of Oz, you need to have the courage to look at your victim and make it your ally.
Do you victimize yourself in the way you interpret conversations with other people?
Does your victim alert you to protect yourself rather than letting people take advantage of you?
Does your victim motivate you to be shrewd in the dealings of whatever house it is in?
Does your empowered victim allow you to take risks in your life?
The victim urges us to act appropriately when we are in danger of being victimized.
The victim can alert us to being victimized through passivity and rash or inappropriate actions.
It can also alert us to how we victimize others for personal gain.
In shadow it may show how we play victim for sympathy or pity.

Here is the Soul Stem Process and a few Soul Stems to work with.

The relationship that controls me the most is . . .

If I were empowered I would . . .

I need to stop focusing upon . . .

If I could, I would . . .

Enjoy the process of deepening your relationship with yourSelf!

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60 minute reading $150.00
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The Victim Archetype and Self-Esteem

May 24, 2016 by @candesscampbell

“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself.

The challenge is to silence the mind”

Caroline Myss

According to the teachings of Caroline Myss there are 4 main archetypes we all share. They are the Child, Victim, Saboteur and Prostitute. In this series I will write about each of these four and others.

This blog is about the Victim Archetype. The gift of the Victim Archetype is Self-Esteem.

This information comes from information from Caroline Myss’ work in her Sacred Contracts book and the classes I took from her on Medical Intuition and Sacred Contracts. I have also added information that I have gained from working as a mental health and chemical dependency counselor for over 30 years.

In the process of self-healing, you have to come to terms with your victim self and move beyond this state of being. You can identify your victim, confront the behavior, love and forgive yourself and bring your energy into present time. In fact, unless you can bring at least 80% of your energy into present time, you will not have the power to self-heal. What do I mean by bringing yourself into present time? Watch your thoughts. Do you focus on the future (which can create anxiety) or ruminate on the past (which can cause depression) or are you able to be present in the moment?

Victim Archetype

Guardian of Self Esteem

The core issue of the Victim Archetype is whether it is worth giving up your own sense of empowerment to avoid taking responsibility for your independence.

When you don’t stand up for yourself after awhile you no longer can tell the difference whether you are being victimized or not. Either you are being victimized and don’t know it or you are not being victimized, but act as if you are.

The victim archetype helps you decide what you will or will not do. You set personal boundaries.
Lessons associated with the victim archetype demand that you evaluate your relationship to power, especially with people with whom you have control issues.
Primary objective is to develop self-esteem and personal power.
You have contracts with people whose primary purpose is to help you develop your self-esteem through acts of honesty, integrity, courage, endurance and self-respect.
The victim will entice you to feel sorry for yourself.
You can act like a victim and give in or call upon your companions and guides for help.
Like the lion in the Wizard of Oz, you need to have the courage to look at your victim and make it your ally.
Do you victimize yourself in the way you interpret conversations with other people?
Does your victim alert you to protect yourself rather than letting people take advantage of you?
Does your victim motivate you to be shrewd in the dealings of whatever house it is in? (Sacred Contracts)
Does your empowered victim allow you to take risks in your life?
The victim urges you to act appropriately when you are in danger of being victimized.
The victim can alert you to being victimized through passivity and rash or inappropriate actions.
It can also alert you to see how you victimize others for personal gain.
The shadow victim may play victim for sympathy or pity.

Join with me in delving into this Victim Archetype in your journal! Here is a helpful journal process.

Need help understanding your archetypes? Schedule an appointment!

May Astrological Forecast

May 2, 2016 by @candesscampbell

May is the time of Mother’s Day! Have a mom who has everything?

Get her an Astrological Reading from Lee at StillwatersAstro.com

and/or a Psychic Reading from Candess!

Thanks to Lee for the Monthly Astrological Report!

May 6th: New Moon in Taurus at 12:29 pm PDT. The New Moon of May in the fixed earth sign of Taurus at 16 deg 41 min is the center piece of a well grounded harmonious “Earth Trine” aspect in relationship to Jupiter in Virgo and Pluto in Capricorn.

May 9th: Jupiter stations direct in Virgo at 5:15 am PDT. Ebullient Jupiter moves forward in the sign of Virgo at 13 deg 15 min after 78 days consecutive days in retrograde.

May 20th: Sun enters Gemini at 7:37 am PDT. Communications and exchanges of information accelerate as
the Sun enters the sign of Gemini ruled by the planet Mercury opening gateways for sharing agreements, contracts, ideas and brief journeys.

May 21st: Full Moon in Gemini/Sagittarius at 2:15 pm PDT. The Full Moon of May perfects at 1 deg 14 min in a close conjunction with transiting Mars in Sagittarius within one degree of today’s Full Moon catalyzing expansive communications and interactions throughout the global village. Those with natal planets in the first 5 degrees of the mutable signs of Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, or Pisces are more likely to experience the effects of today’s Full Moon/Mars alignment up close and personal.

May 22nd: Mercury stations direct in Taurus at 6:20 am PDT. On the quicksilver heels of yesterday’s Full Moon the messenger planet moves forward in the sign of Taurus at 14 deg 20 min begin the process of restoring communications after 24 days in retrograde.

May 24th: Venus enters Gemini at 2:45 am PDT. Relationships can become fickle and unpredictable when Lady Venus enters the ambidextrous sign of Gemini within one degree of opposing her Mars counterpart in the sign of Sagittarius. Venus will complete her sojourn in Gemini on June 17th when she enters the sign of Cancer.

May 27th: Mars in retrograde returns to Scorpio after 40 days of retrograde in Sagittarius at 6:51 am PDT. Assertive Mars steps back into Scorpio and will complete his 2016 retrograde cycle on June 29th at 23 deg Scorpio after completing 74 days of retracing his steps in the combined signs of Sagittarius and Scorpio.

Interested in a Love Compatibility Report? Contact Lee!

Writing with Soul Stems

April 5, 2016 by @candesscampbell

This last week I facilitated a workshop on my new book Live Intuitively: Journal the Wisdom of your Soul. In this book I use Soul Stems. A Soul Stem is a writing prompt that takes you deeper within yourself where you will be able to access your own Soul information! In my new book, you will also be guided to intuitively read your chakras and journal with the symbols you receive.

Here are some Soul Stems you can begin with.

(Have a notebook that is not expensive, one where you can be messy and find a fast writing pen.)

Set a timer for 20 minutes or commit to 4 full pages of a notebook size paper.

Start with a Soul Stem such as

What frustrates me the most is . . .

What I really want in my life is . . .

I would be happy if . . .

Continue writing for 10 to 20 minutes. Don’t worry about punctuation or spelling, just keep your pen moving. If you get stuck, just write “I am stuck or I’ don’t know what to write” over and over until something else comes up.

You will probably start with something that is on the surface, then move into resistance (I don’t want to do this, my hand hurts, this is boring) and then eventually you move into what is really going on deep within you.

If may take 3 or 4 sessions to get to this point, but don’t give up.

This is a commitment to connecting with your SELF!

Once you get my book, be sure to connect with others in the Facebook Group

and be sure to Like my FB page!

Think Spring!

February 29, 2016 by @candesscampbell

Spring brings with it new life. This is a good time to journal using the Soul Stem – What I will create this Spring is . . .

For information on journaling with Soul Stems go here!