Have you ever listened to a friend and thought “Can she even hear herself?” We all have patterns of communication and behavior that we exhibit to the world. Sometimes you don’t even recognize what you are saying or doing is in direct contradiction to what you believe. Often you will notice someone judging someone else for the very behavior they themselves have! I see this often on social media.
I remember one day my daughter said to me, “Mom, you’ve said that before, several times.” Many of you know when I was 14 years old I had an accident that resulted in a Near Death Experience with head injuries. As a result of this I have experienced some memory problems. Another result of this trauma was I lost my sense of smell, which also influences memory. A positive from the accident is a definite increase in my intuition. When my brain was injured, my intuitive self took over and now much of how I access information is intuitively.
Unless you continually challenge your brain, you can develop memory lapses. Since my daughter’s comment, I have been working on being aware and not repeating myself as often. Repeating can happen for reasons other than memory problems and brain injury. When one has a history of not being heard or have not being listened to by others, they can develop a pattern of repeating. Saying the same thing over and over again can also come from a lack of self-awareness. It can also be an ineffective way of trying to heal an emotional wound. You may say the same thing over and over but nothing changes. It would be more effective to change your behavior by accepting a situation or changing your relationship with the problem; forgiving, leaving, setting boundaries and such. Saying the same thing over and over can also be a sign of ADD.
Have you ever had a conversation with a friend, loved one or a co-worker who often repeated the same thing and didn’t focus. Someone with whom you tried to create a plan, but politely getting them to pay attention, listen and commit to a time was near impossible? Instead they just kept telling you all the situations that went on in their day and you were not able to set a meeting.
So, how to do you communicate with friends, loved ones and co-workers that are ADD or have ADD
symptoms?
[clickToTweet tweet=”What are ADD symptoms?” quote=”What are ADD symptoms?”]
Listed here are some of the Inattentive Symptoms of ADD; not the Hyperactive Symptoms. This may help you to identify why you’ve had some difficulty communicating with someone. It can clarify why you may have felt frustrated and hopefully will give you some helpful communication solutions for yourself.
Inattentive ADD Symptoms
- Careless mistakes/lack of attention to details
- Lack of sustained attention
- Poor listener
- Failure to follow through on tasks
- Poor organization
- Forgetful in daily activities
- Avoiding tasks requiring sustained mental effort
- Losing things
- Easily distracted
[clickToTweet tweet=”Get tools to communicate with someone who has Inattentive ADD.” quote=”Get tools to communicate with someone who has Inattentive ADD.”]
Depending upon how close you are to this person, you may want to research more about ADD and continue to learn.
Here are some simple ideas that may help.
- Use emails as your primary form of communication to set up meetings. This way you can scan the email quickly for the details about the meeting.
- Start your conversation with, “I have one minute to plan this meeting.”
- When the person becomes tangential, politely bring them back to topic. “Oh, I’m sorry, I
have to go, when did you say you could meet?” - Give the person 3 clear choices of times.
- Be willing to set a boundary.
- If the person won’t be decisive, realize the meeting may not happen and move on.
- Plan your communication with the person when you have enough time to go through the
process to get the meeting planned. - Have a plan B for your time so if their disorganization creates a last minute cancelation, it
won’t disrupt your life.
These are some ideas that may be helpful. Again, if this is someone you live with or a supervisor, I encourage you to find more information on this topic. One book you may be interested in What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don’t? Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder by Michele Novotni, PhD http://amzn.to/nxks8h
If you have another resource, please share with us!
Kyoto- If I can lift the rock my wish comes true!
I am always repeating myself to my kids, Candess. I think it’s because they never used to listen to me. 🙂 I am a very focused person, so am sure I don’t have ADD. I have a few friends and relatives who are very repetitive. For some, it’s the emotional issues you mentioned and others, the loss of memory that comes with age. I’m careful to call them when I know I have enough time to allow them to retell their stories without becoming impatient. At other times, I tend to text or email to avoid frustration on both sides.
Patience with others who don’t have the same abilities that we have is really difficult. That is, until we start to have similar issues. 🙂
I’ve been outed recently for saying “Oh, you know.” I’m always mystified because I don’t hear myself saying this. At the same time, it bothersome to hear others be repetitive. I’m making a point to slow down and listen to myself, so I don’t drive the complainants crazy. Of course, it doesn’t bother me, because I don’t hear myself.
I hope this helps Joyce. I have been practicing listening to myself lately. Not what I say to others as much as to myself. I’m really working on focusing on what I love when its me alone with my mind!
What a wonderful article on how to support people with ADD. Your list of ideas of how to help is so helpful.
Happy you enjoyed it Teresa. The funny thing is, now you will notice people around you with ADD!
Some good tips here. I have found understood.org to be a great resource in helping my son, who has ADD, be more successful. I find that the biggest helps for me to keep my focus is playing classical music while I work, and setting lots of reminders! (Thank good ness for Siri and Alexa!)
Thanks for the information about a resource Mindy! Having a son with ADD makes you an expert!!!
This was a fascinating post, Candess. Yes, I have experienced all those things with friends (and they’ve probably experienced some of them in regards to me as well!). This was fascinating to me: “When one has a history of not being heard or have not being listened to by others, they can develop a pattern of repeating.” I have that history and I do catch myself saying stuff twice, as if I need t hear it again to make it more real for myself. Very interesting post!
Thanks Reba. There is so much you know and teach, I am delighted you could relate and enjoyed it!
I experience this with some people I work with. I’ve been trying to learn how to share the knowledge they have come to me for while working in a way that compliments their tendencies to get distracted easily. These tips help a great deal.
Great list. My grandma repeated herself, but it was dementia. When you’re in a big family, you repeat yourself to make sure you were heard. I think that there are definitely different levels of ADD and it would be good to learn how to work with people who truly have it. Your suggestions will be helpful.
Thanks Cathy for the feedback. Didn’t think about it, but with clients I will be more aware of this regarding dementia.
Candess, my entire family has ADD. Some of our conversations are quite hilarious. I think over time, I’ve learned how to cope well. When I’m meeting with someone who I KNOW has the communication style you describe, I do as you suggest and ask very specific questions and/or give very specific parameters. It works well! I also find luminosity.com to be a great resource for brain exercises.
Thanks for the resource Tandy. You must be extremely patient with a family who all experience ADD!
I have met someone with ADD symptoms. I do not know if she has always been like that but it can by circumstantial.
She is a senior citizen with medical ailments and now lives by herself as her husband died and she has no family here in US. Everyone is overseas including her children. She must be depressed. What I cannot forget is that she lost her passport! And, I did not know that for immigrants, you have to wait for a year to get one even you are currently a US citizen.
That must have been really scary for her. It is helpful to enroll family member’s help with the more important details that may be overlooked, like having one place for important papers and passports.
Great article on how people can be repetitive. And when it is due to ADD, these are good tips on how to stay focused. Often I do not really think the depend on ADD but rather as age advances people get more focused on themselves, and just want to get a chance to do monologues when they are in a group of friends. They do not really need an answer, they just want to get it off their chest. 🙂