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Replacing Shame with Compassion MECFS

April 13, 2021 by @candesscampbell

It feels so good to start feeling better after the MECFS crash! There are so many ways I understand myself and life that I didn’t before. First of all, I am shocked at my denial. Then again, I’m not. You would think I would be more aware of myself having worked as a therapist most of my life. Especially working as a chemical dependency counselor, you would think I would be the master of detecting denial. I saw it in others but could not see it in myself. I was getting “sick.”

When I was working as a counselor in a Federal prison, I used to ask my clients, “Who had the right to be angry in your family?” It really helped clients to look deeper into their family patterns. It never occurred to me to ask “Who had the right to be ill in your home?”

Bingo!  That was my mom. My compassion for my mom is exponential now. When I was younger, I was judgmental of her. She had health issues starting at age 32 which continued throughout her life until she died at age 52; her body full of cancer. 

The perfectionist, overachiever, know-it-all part of me focused on fixing my alcoholic dad, who I adored. Later I transferred this to fixing the world. I was a healer! I could not be sick! I have always thought of myself as being on the front line; what today we would call “an essential worker.” Now I understand. Not only did I need to fix everything and everyone, I also could not be sick. This codependent behavior also included not learning to receive and especially not asking for help.

It’s funny. As I write this I think about the $500 utility bill I have. I could not call to get public help unless everyone else who needed it, got theirs first. Note to self again and anyone else who does this – stop it! You have to fill up in order to give from your excess, and not from your need. I’ll sell my old computer. 

Back to denial. Once I got it, that I was ill and I was not my mom, I started to blame others. Once I got through this, I was free to look at my own behaviors. Without judgment and blame, I inventoried myself (thanks to 12 step programs) and become clear on how the MECFS affects me and how I can take better care of myself. 

As I write, I am watching the latest MECFS videos on Youtube by leaders in the field. (Edit, edit, edit, edit!!!) I am delighted to be one of many and not the problem patient that no one knows what to do with. The shame that I felt for being sick is no longer there. Interesting.  I don’t feel a need to fix people (as much) now, but rather can just sit and listen. In 2006, Dr. Al Morgan, a naturopath drew a circle and divided it like a pie. He pointed and said, this is your part, your responsibility (or something like that) and I just couldn’t hear. I could do it all!

There was a time when friends, acquaintances, etc. would call or email anytime wanting answers to their psychic questions or connect with someone on the other side. I was on call all the time. Today I love my work as a psychic medium and as an author. Being bedridden for 4 months and mostly horizontal for a few years, I am so grateful to schedule clients weekly as I can (dependent upon my brain fog, fatigue, and myalgia.) It’s the delight of my day!

Let me say that again differently. Now that I give out of my excess (as I have taught for many, many years,) when I am with a client or a group, I am so full of love and connected to Spirit. When I connect with client’s loved ones or guides, it is not unusual for me to feel so much I just cry. No pain, just pure love. 

There is so much more to share now that I am honest with myself about my health and have healed the shame. 

Chakra Two and Control – Do the Work!

May 16, 2018 by @candesscampbell

This morning in my morning walk I was listening to Caroline Myss’s Energy Anatomy on iTunes. In other writings she refers to the second chakra as the chakra of relationship.

Your second chakra is the sacral chakra associated with sensual movement and with sexuality. The information contained in the second chakra relates to relationship, emotions, intimacy, sexuality, creativity, work and money.

In the audio Myss introduced the second chakra as being about Control. That got my attention. So many of the client issues that come up in my private practice are issues that are housed in the Second Chakra.

Recently I have had some conversations with friends regarding self-reflection and “Doing the Work.” At dinner the other night a friend said, “Maybe they don’t know how do to the work.” This surprised me, but I think he is right. Another friend said that she will answer calls from friends who are in crisis if they also have a counselor and/or health providers who they are working with to heal. This was helpful for me. I realized, although this is oversimplified, people either are in a process of Doing the Work, or they end up in crisis over and over again and reach out in crisis. Once they are over the situation, they go on with their lives until the next crisis. This is exhausting for family, friends and even counselors!

[click_to_tweet tweet=”What it means to Do the Work can be different for different people. ” quote=”What it means to Do the Work can be different for different people. “]

First identify your need for help. Often this shows up when you find you are angry, hurt, or irritated by someone else. It can also be from something that happened in the past that you continue to replay in your mind or feelings. Frustrated you can’t get someone to do something? Focus on yourself!

Here are some ways to Do the Work!

  • Attend regular counseling sessions
  • Meditate with a teacher or group where you are guided to develop
  • Be in a self-help or 12 step group focusing upon your growth
  • Have a regular journal practice where you use a book that guides you in a process of healing

When you Do the Work you

  • Process and heal your feelings
  • Organize your life so you function easily
  • Gain insight
  • Learn tools to help with difficult situation

When I was listening to her audio this morning, I was inspired by Caroline Myss’s information on the Second Chakra. Below are her words and her work!

The second chakra contains

your relationship to Power on the one on one level.

 Your need to control others.

Your need to control events.

Your need to control period.

You fill in the blank. 

It’s your need to control other people, the way things happen, the way people believe.

Now I want you to imagine somebody in your life. Just one person. How many of you can think of one person that you are vitally invested in controlling. Now I want you to imagine why are you so interested in controlling that person. What kind of answer would you give. “Well, that person needs me.” But the truth is what you really are doing is you want to keep that person weak so they need you. You want to keep them weak and damaged and wounded, so they need you. And, that is going to cost you. That will cost you your Spirit.

Now, I’m going to speak Angel to you. This is Angel 101. I’m going to say, what are you doing and you are going to say, “I am investing part of my circuitry with the command, to control that person. I want to influence that person’s thinking process. I want to keep me a vital part of that person’s thinking process. That will cost you a great deal of your energy every day and in every way, you are transmitting a part of your Spirit on mission to infiltrate that person’s energy and likewise I presume there are people equally invested in controlling you. So you are the recipient of energetic information.

 I want you to imagine that your body operates; this system operates the way email does. There is no difference. Every time you have a thought about someone you put it in their email box. Email for Energy Mail. This is good. I like this. It’s literally energetic mail. That is exactly what you are doing. I am convinced that the whole form of the tribal creation of these computer databases, all of that is a complete physical metaphor and creation of what I am talking about in terms of the way we work energetically. We have duplicated ourselves in the computer form. So now we need to learn to play by energetic rules.

 What I am telling you about is your second chakra connects you to everybody and everything you want to control. How many of you have ever even paid attention to what you want to control or how much you invest in what you want to control. You haven’t even got a clue.

 

 

Caroline Myss is talking about becoming aware. That is the first step to Doing the Work.

Other spiritual teachers say the same thing in different ways. Mary Ellen Flora who created the Church of Divine Man teaches that we cannot create in another’s life. If we try to create in someone else’s life, they then have to learn to move us out of their energy field so they can create for themselves.

Abraham Hicks says it’s not helpful to try to change someone. “If they could change, they’d do it themselves.”

Having said all this, if you were to Do the Work, what commitment can you make to yourself?

I like using books and audios to guide me.   A few suggestions are these.

Energy Anatomy by Caroline Myss

Live Intuitively: Journal the Wisdom of your Soul by Candess M. Campbell, PhD

Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

There are so many ways to move into clearing the past and living fully in the moment! Do the Work!

Learn about Chakras, Meditation and reading your energy field!

 

Self-Reflection and Amends Making

April 11, 2018 by @candesscampbell

Last week I found myself in a situation where I was talking with someone and I could hear my own voice. I sounded condescending and intense, with a tinge of anger. It was not how I wanted to convey my message and I felt helpless. At that time, I shared with this person that I could hear my own voice and my intention was not to be condescending, and for some reason I really couldn’t change the sound of my voice. I kept good eye contact to stay connected.

I was trying to understand what the person was doing and was in shock. It took me a couple of days of self-reflection to understand what was happening for me. What I realized was I was shocked by this person’s behavior. I could see the lack of basic skills. Later, I understood that my reaction was shock and also fear. I could not even imagine how someone that age would be unable to do simple tasks. Seeing the person lacking basic skills scared me because I felt responsible to help and I was overwhelmed by the scope of this.

The self-reflection helped me see my own over-functioning behavior and how I can choose to teach and help or choose not to do this. Once I looked at what was underneath my seemingly uncontrollable over-reaction, I called the person and apologized. I was calm and connected and it felt much better. Then I began to look at ways that I could empower the person and not rescue or shame.

The point of this story is that self-reflection is really important and many people don’t have the ability or desire to do this. Very few people take the time to self-reflect and look at how they behave. Because of that, very few people take the time to make amends. Making amends is different than just saying you’re sorry. Too often people say I’m sorry all day long and it has nothing to do with what they do, but is an automatic response because of low self-esteem.

Amends making comes from thinking over a situation and looking at, not only what you did, but also identifying your pattern of reacting. It is about understanding what triggered you so you can do better in the future. The other part of amends making is you don’t only say you are sorry, but you do something to make it better.

I called the person and said I am working on being more respectful and I will do better. In the next couple weeks I’ll do something special for this person to complete my amends making.

We all deserve to be treated with respect. We start by being self-reflective and then make amends. This builds your character. You also model healthy behavior for others.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Candess M. Campbell, PHD.

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