“It’s probably my job to tell you life isn’t fair, but I figure you already know that. So instead, I’ll tell you that hope is precious, and you’re right not to give up.” ― C.J. Redwine, Defiance
This series of blogs called iwannabeaskinnybitch.combegan July 30, 2014. This has been my journey into health, exercise and weight loss after having a breakthrough in the journal class I was…
Being the Pole – A Relationship Tool
Relationships are fluid and changing all the time. Communication is often a challenge and keeping up with the shifting can be disconcerting. In this video I teach you to “Be the Pole.” It is a great way to stay stable when you have a partner that is either reactive or changing their minds continually. Enjoy!
Resolving Conflict!
Recently at Interplayers Theatre, I saw the play Brighton Beach Memoirs by Neil Simon. It was an incredible performance that exemplified the topic at hand – conflict.
The story is about Eugene, an adolescent, Jewish boy in 1937. He recalls his memories of living with his parents, aunt, two female cousins, and his brother at a time when he was going through puberty, sexual fantasy, poverty, and living in a crowed home. In this play, Eugene Jerome, played by Nich Witham, gave an over-exaggerated sense (in a fantastic performance) of not being heard and doing what he could to find his place and get his needs met in this family.
This play was a great backdrop for me to expound on how to resolve conflict and the pitfalls of communication. Here are some helpful steps.
Clear with this person on an energetic level.
1. Ground your energy. Here is a video that will teach you to do this. http://bit.ly/wBHJbh
2. You have an aura around you which is part of your energetic self. Imagine pulling your aura in around your body. Pull it in about 6 – 8 inches around you.
3. Focus in your heart and bring your attention out of the top of your head into the heavens.
4. Image the person there with you. At this level, send them love from your heart. You may also imagine sending them golden white Light from your heart.
5. If you can do this without anger or negative feelings, talk with them at this level.
6. Come back down, image yourself filling up with golden white Light and release any leftover energy down your grounding cord.
Steps to resolve conflict in person.
1. Write out the situation in your journal and then re-read it the next day. Sometimes it helps to do this a few times, so that you can become clear on what happened and what you want to communicate.
2. Become aware of your own part of the situation, even if you perceive it to be minor in comparison to the other person.
3. If you are angry, look at where you may be feeling hurt or fearful. These emotions are often right under the surface of anger. Feel your feeling and let them go. Journal them over and over if need be.
4. Contact the person you are having conflict with and use clear, direct, honest communication. I suggest you meet in person (not via text or email) because this allows you not only to read the body language, but also to open your heart.
5. Give the other person the chance to communicate their side completely. It is helpful to use the words, “I heard you say,” and repeat back to them what you heard and let them clarify. This helps them to feel heard. You can hear what someone is saying without agreeing with them. It is important that you hear.
6. Once the other person feels heard, share your side. They may not listen well and you may not feel heard. If that is the case use the broken record method. Continue to say the core message again and again, “I hear what you say, and ______.” Yes, that is true, and _______.” Do this until they are able to understand they are not hearing you.
7. Make a request of the person such as “My request is we put this behind us and go on from here,” or “My request is that we continue to meet and talk weekly until we can resolve this.” You can use whatever it is that you desire.
8. Trust your intuition, and use as many of these steps as you would like. If the person is not willing to meet with you or clear the situation with you, then move on and let it go. No longer allow them into your energy field and set healthy boundaries. (I will share more about this in a future video and blog.)
Sometimes people have a hard time clearing conflict because of negative communication patterns. Often these reactions were learned in early childhood as a survival response to a dysfunctional family. In this case they may triangle in other people to take sides, or become passive aggressive and rather than talking with you directly, they will be passive in their aggression in a subversive manner.
More will be shared about this in this relationship series.
One of the books I recommend for healthy communication is Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg
You can find other valuable information at http://candesscampbell.com/books/self-help-toolbox
Bless your heart,
Candess
Evaluating your Situation!
Into the New Year, most people have taken a look back and reflected on the past year. Some have made resolutions and some just go forward with hope. Rather than making resolutions, I pick one focus for the year, one word to remember and increase in my life.
One year the word was money and I became more responsible in my spending, saving and earnings. That year I increased my income by 25%. I read money books, brought my attention to my habits and envisioned and created abundance.
Last year my focus was on food. I watched “foody” shows on television and regularly added nutritionally healthy foods to my diet. I drank green smoothies and my body glowed from all the enzymes. I increased my awareness on how foods affect my health (and my mood!)
This year my focus is music. I have a Martin 000M and my plan is to learn to play my guitar, listen to a variety of music throughout the year, attend concerts and experience music as a healing force in my life!
Speaking of a healing force in my life. I just published my book 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine.
The first chapter focuses on Evaluating Your Situation. Whether it is emotional or physical pain, there is always an emotional component. I find that when people tend to focus on the past, they suffer from depression and when they focus on the future, it creates anxiety. On my website candesscampbell.com under Books and Self-Healing Tools you will find self-screening tests. One is for depression and the other for anxiety. If you find that you struggle with either of these, getting professional help is important.
Sometimes you live your life day to day without much self-awareness. It is helpful to look at whether or not you are getting your needs met. William Glasser, MD, a psychiatrist wrote a book called Choice Theory. In the book he talked about people having Four Basic Needs. The needs he lists are for 1) Love & Belonging, 2) Power and Worth, 3) Freedom and 4) Fun. These are beyond your need for survival.
Think about your life and what the main need is in your life. In your journal, write down your main need. Then write down friends and family you spend most of your time with. List some activities you engage in on a regular basis. Are you getting your needs met with these friends, family members and your activities?
For example I list as one of my loved ones, my Cairn Terrior/mix Domingo. The needs I get met by Domingo are Love and Belonging and Fun. When I image an oval shape and think about how full I am from my relationship with Domingo, I see the oval being maybe a third full. This means I need more people and activities to get my Love and Belonging and Fun needs met.
When I first did this exercise I listed out my friends. A few of the friends I spent most of my time with did not meet my needs at all. I found one friend met most of my needs. I realized I leaned too much on one friend and needed to create more relationships in my life where I felt more alive, full, and got my needs met. I also realized I needed to let some friends go. With self-awareness, I saw how drained I became after spending time with some friends.
Try this yourself. You may be amazed at how simple changes in your life can shift your emotional for physical pain!
Also, in evaluating your situation, it is important to look at the interrelatedness between your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. You can find a Total Behavior Map here to help you. http://candesscampbell.com/books/self-help-tools/70-2) On this map you can write out in the center what need you want to get met. Write down a situation that has been difficult for you regarding this need. List what you were doing, thinking and feeling. Then write again as if you were thinking something different. If you were thinking ___________, then what would you be doing or feeling?
You are an integrated being of Mind, Body and Spirit. You will notice that when you change your thinking about a situation, your feeling changes as well. You may choose to do something different and immediately your thinking changes and your feeling changes. The key here is you have 100 % control over your doing, 90 % control over your thinking and only 10 % control over your feeling. When you do or think something different – you feel better!
An example is Sarah was waiting for a phone call from Taylor to go out to dinner. (love and belonging and fun) Taylor didn’t call and Sarah thought, “I was stood up.” She started feeling angry and lost energy. Sarah began making up stories in her mind of what happened and worked herself into a frenzy.
An hour later Taylor called and said she was so sorry. She explained that she had witnessed an accident on the freeway and was pulled in by the police to share what she had seen. Taylor said she was so shaken, she didn’t even think about the dinner plans until she calmed down and realized she was hungry. She asked Sarah if she could come over, she needed a friend.
Sarah began to understand (thinking) and she empathized (feeling) with Taylor’s experience. She began cooking (doing) something to share with Taylor and prepared for her friend to arrive.
Can you see how the feelings followed the doing and thinking in this situation? You can write out some situations in your past, some times when you were really upset. Then write out what you could have done or thought differently, identifying how you would feel different.
Use your journal for this exercise and soon you’ll find you can do it quickly in your mind. So much of the emotional pain (which is under the physical pain) is manufactured in your mind. Now, you have a tool to change this!
Another tool is journaling. One situation I share in my book is for several days I found myself having a lot of pain in my shoulders. I left my office and sat down to rest and the pain was extremely disturbing. After about four days of this, I picked up my journal and began writing, “This pain in my shoulders. . .” and continued journaling for 20 minutes. What came up in my writing was a situation with one of my daughters. Once I wrote it out, the pain released immediately and was totally gone. This is a true testimony to how we carry pain in our bodies connected to our emotions!
There is so much more you can find in the book that will help you evaluate where you are and begin to move into self-healing. In February I’ll focus on Finding Your Passion!
12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine – UK
12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine – US
What about Vitamin D?
An Interview with Patrick C. Dougherty, D.C.
Recently I had some blood work done and found I was low in Vitamin D. I remembered several friends and clients had the same problem and so I contacted Dr. Pat to find out more.
Dr. Pat, I understand you are a Chiropractor here in Spokane. How long have you been practicing?
I have practiced chiropractic since March of 1994, first in Denver CO, and since November of 2004 in Spokane WA.
What else do you do in your practice?
Chiropractic College did not prepare me to pursue creative solutions to people’s health challenges. As a chiropractor I am required to take continuing education credits each year. It is these classes that have shaped how I work today. Rather than look at a person as merely muscles and bones, I initially evaluate them in a total of six areas: Musculaoskeletal, electromagnetics, nutrition excess and deficiency, toxicity, buried emotional stress, and allergy and sensitivity. I do this with a combination of muscle testing, questionnaires, and intuition.
After the evaluation I present the person with a list of the health challenges I observed, they choose what they are willing to work on, and I help them overcome their challenges through chiropractic adjustments to optimize the nervous system, nutritional supplementation, diet counseling, exercise and posture counseling, soft tissue release techniques, and other energy techniques.
I accomplish this by using my hands, mechanical adjusting instruments, cold laser therapy, and supplements.
Is it true that Vitamin D is a hormone?
Vitamin D is a steroid hormone. Hormones are chemical messengers. They have a shape that allows them to fit into the receptors of cells. This is much like a jigsaw puzzle. If the cell and the hormone fit together then the hormone can pass along its encoded message to the cell.
I understand you know a lot about Vitamin D. What is so important about Vitamin D?
A tremendous number of cells in the body have Vitamin D receptors. For this reason, researchers have found that Vitamin D has the ability to optimize function in 2000-3000 genes in the human body. That is 10% of all the genes in the body! The better you genes and cells work, the better you will function.
The vast majority of everything we know about Vitamin D has been uncovered in this century. Researchers have found Vitamin D deficiency in astounding numbers of named diseases and conditions. While this does not mean that Vitamin D is the sole cause of any of these conditions, it does indicate that unhealthy people almost always have low Vitamin D levels.
The bottom line is that your genes are the blueprint for your body. Vitamin D activates many of the “healthy” genes in the body. Ask yourself, “do I want to build my body and my health with the best blueprint available to me, or will I settle for a blueprint from a first grade architecture class?” If you want the best, then you will take Vitamin D.
How much Vitamin D should we take?
This is controversial subject. The main reason it is controversial is that the FDA appears to be impervious to science. It is only recently that the FDA raised the suggestion daily dose of Vitamin D from 400 IU/day. Scientists have known for years that this is a fairly meaningless dosage. Every year researchers at some of the best medical schools in the world are suggesting higher daily dosages of Vitamin D than ever before. I have seen 10, 000 IU/day recommended in several papers in the past year.
Personally I am wary of such a high dose, but only because I have not seen enough evidence. I have taken 3000- 5000 IU/day for the past 3 years. When I have my Vitamin D blood level tested I have never come close to peaking at a dangerous level.
I recommend anywhere from 1000-5000 IU/day dependent on the personal factors involved. I also recommend that people taking dose of 5000 IU/day and up get their blood level tested to insure they do not overdose on Vitamin D.
Can we just take the Vitamin D from the grocery store?
I recommend people get their supplements from a source they can trust to weed through all of the poorly made supplements and only provide the highest quality supplements. I have yet to see a grocery store that meets this criteria. Surveys have shown that a huge number of supplements are not well made, and at times they even have enough impurities to be harmful to a person.
Also, because Vitamin D is a steroid hormone it is fat soluble. Many people have difficulties with fat digestion. For this reason I use a liquid vitamin D in my office. I believe the liquid form is more readily absorbed by more people than Vitamin D in the pill form.
My work is about self-healing. In what way would taking Vitamin D help in self-healing?
Vitamin D, in my mind, is the king of the self-healing supplements. I firmly believe in the chiropractic principle that the power that made the body can heal the body. In other words we are meant to be healthy – until our pathologically stressful lifestyle interferes to a degree that the self-healing capacity of the nervous system to comprehend our stresses and adapt to them is overwhelmed.
Vitamin D, because it asserts a positive influence on so many genes in the body, and so many of our cells; increases the capacity of our body to resonate at a higher level. When our vibratory frequency is peaking, so is the ability of the nervous system to comprehend and adapt to stress. That adaptation is the key to expressing our innate healing ability.
What would you say are the top 3 other ways we can take good care of our health?
The key to good health is the ability of the nervous system to comprehend and adapt. Receptors on the spine are the conductors for that communication. For that reason, I recommend everyone get chiropractic adjustments. Adjustments facilitate vibratory frequency in the spine, which encourages nervous system communication. That communication is what allows a body to make good use of the three factors that follow.
1. It would be easy to say Food, Food, Food here. But I will give you 2 other ways, also. Food is the fuel for our body. It is proper to draw an analogy to a car. If the proper fuel is put in a new car it runs beautifully. When you put a lesser grade of fuel in the car it runs more poorly. Put diesel in a gasoline engine (or vice versa) and you have got big problems. Put kerosene in your car and I shudder to think what would happen.
Our bodies are no different. There is good fuel and bad fuel. A good rule of thumb is that if you have to read a label, then the food is probably not great fuel. Whole fresh foods, preferably organic and not shipped a great distance are going to supply your body more good fuel than processed foods. People who ignore this principle are robbing their energetic essence.
2. Exercise is so important. Many people think that because they are active during the day they do not need to have a regular exercise program. The focused intensity of an exercise program is much more valuable to must of us than a busy day. Exercise programs need to be tailored to the individual.
3. For number three I am going to cheat and say people need to honor the importance of positive self talk, good posture, a daily source of mind quieting activity, a daily dose of learning, daily expressions of gratitude, and finally having a clear and active purpose in life.
This has been really informative. Thank you so much!
Dr. Pat Dougherty can be reached at his office in Spokane, WA by phone 509-327-4373, or by email bud3dc@gmail.com. Visit his website at www.spokane-chiropractic.com
Patrick C. Dougherty, D.C. received a Bachelor of Science degree in May of 1992 and a Doctor of Chiropractic in December of 1993 from Western States Chiropractic College in Portland, OR; Certification in the Educational Program for Musculoskeletal Evaluation and Rehabilitation from the Department of Human Performance and Wellness of Mesa State College in Colorado in 1999; and certification in Surface Electromyography (Semg) from Turning Point Logistics Systems, Inc. He has practiced chiropractic since March of 1994, first in Denver CO, and since November of 2004 in Spokane WA.
Listening to my body at the Ashram!
The last 10 days of July I had an incredible experience at the Yasodhara Ashram in beautiful British Columbia. I was aware of this Ashram because of the Radha Yoga Center in Spokane where I have taken yoga and dream classes for several
years.
You may be aware of my experience with adrenal fatigue in 2008 and 2009. At the retreat one day our focus was on Relaxation and Rest. What happened for me was I realized (again) I didn’t know how to rest. Previously, I
would get tired and use caffeine and sugar to push through. We experienced Hidden Language Yoga and it was wonderful. After the pose, we journaled. First we did the Bridge and Tranquility Poses to become aware of our spine. Then we
did the Cobra. We dialogued with ourselves after each pose. The question I journaled with was “What do I surrender to?” The answer could be another blog or newsletter. For me my back clearly disclosed that it needed further support and
in the cobra I understood my abdomen needs to support my back. This will alleviate the back twinges I get occasionally.
Also, I contemplated the relationship between Joy and Surrender. I clearly understood I fight with mySelf
inwardly by choosing confusion and indecision rather than surrendering and moving into a state of wait. I fight outwardly by resisting rather than accepting and letting life unfold. When I surrender, there is no struggle and I
feel JOY!
Class focused on rest and we did some relaxation and visualization exercises. It was delightful. During lunch and on our break we
were asked to be in silence. I spend a lot of time alone, but I became aware of how much rest I get when I am in conscious silence.
I spent time on the beach of Kootenay Lake and had quite a walk back up to my room in Saraswati. As I began the journey back I decided to bring rest into my life. I will write more about this when I write and share my Karma Yoga experience. On the way back I decided to stop to rest after a number of steps. I looked at the flowers, the
trees, the birds, the cherries and the apples on each rest stop. When I got to the steps I decided to take 10 steps and rest, 10 steps and rest. It was an incredible experience. Whenever I stopped, the colors were so much more grand!
My desire for the retreat was rest. Now I am rested, have learned incredible tools and am more conscious of my life and my relationship with the Divine!
Bless your heart, Candess