Candess Campbell

Commitment

June 6, 2014 by @candesscampbell

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

As stated in the beginning of this year, my word for 2014 is Relationships. This year, my commitment has been to come closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.

The reality is, when you are in relationship, and especially when you create a new intimate relationship, all the unfinished emotional business is right in your face. It reminds me of the “PigPen” character from Charlie Brown, except the dust and dirt is literally right in your face!

You have to learn to set boundaries, compromise, be compassionate, communication clearly, understand yours is not the only perspective and the list is nearly endless.

Even more than that, when you are in an intimate relationship, it is necessary to become vulnerable. Of course, it is best to choose a partner who is safe so you can be vulnerable! Most of us have been hurt in the past. Staying in “present time” with your new love is important. It is not helpful to treat your current partner as if she or he is going to behave like the one who cheated on you, could not communicate at all, or had a slight attachment disorder and played “come here, go away!”

So a few things to think about in your relationships.

1. You will tend to be happier if you don’t fall in love with potential. When you are evaluating your choices around relationship, ask yourself if you would be happy with this person long term, even if she or he did not change anything at all. Most likely other people don’t change just because we want them to.

2. Speak up in the beginning of the relationship and let your needs be known. Many people don’t rock the boat for fear the other person will leave or not like them; especially in the beginning excitement of the relationship. Tell your partner who you are, what you want and be real about it. Too often I see people keep quiet and then either become angry when the other person doesn’t know what they want. They expect the one they love to be a mind reader. Then they either blow up on the outside and become angry and argumentative or on the inside and become ill and/or passive aggressive. If they leave when you communicate, they are not a good fit. You deserve to be loved for who you are.

3. Opposites may attract, but in the long run, if you don’t have the same interests, it is difficult to stay connected. If you are single and looking for a relationship: look in the places that you already go.

4. And lastly, when your relationship is with your family – understand neutrality and amusement. When there is conflict, see your family from a neutral place. It is not helpful to try to change them or get them to see things your way. Who has been able to change you and change how you think by telling you over and over. Be amused at how they choose to live their life and focus back on yourself and create happiness in your own life.

May 2014 Astrological Forecast

May 6, 2014 by @candesscampbell

May 2014 Astrological Forecast

http://www.stillwatersastro.com

May 2^nd: Venus enters Aries. Lady Venus arrives in the aggressive cardinal fire sign of Aries in pursuit of spring romance. As she strolls through each degree of Aries between now and May 28^th she will certainly have no shortage of suitors to choose from.

May 7^th: Mercury enters Gemini. The messenger planet celebrates a spring homecoming in its own sign of Gemini. The greatest quandary of Mercury in Gemini is who or what to choose and how long might it last until mercurial Mercury becomes bored and decides to move on?

May 14^th: Full Moon in Scorpio/Taurus. The annual Wesak Full Moon of Buddha consciousness reaches it zenith at 12:16 pm PDT. Those with planets or chart angles between 20 to 30 degrees in the fixed signs of Scorpio, Taurus, Aquarius, or Leo are likely to experience a completion or change of direction in their lives.

May 19^th: Mars turns direct in Libra. Mars steps forward in the sign of Libra for the first time since it retrograded on March 1^st. The past eleven weeks in retrograde have served Mars well, as the warrior planet secured its coveted seat in April’s Cardinal Grand Cross.

May 20^th: The Sun enters Gemini. The Sun’s arrival in the mutable air sign of Gemini ushers in the final month of this spring season preparing the way for the arrival of summer on the June 21^st Solstice.

May 28^th: New Moon in Gemini and Venus enters Taurus. Today’s New Moon in Gemini harmonizes with Mars in Libra while activating mystical Neptune in Pisces. Perhaps we will receive some clues as to what the first nine weeks of this spring season represented to each of us as summer approaches. In the meantime, Venus arrives in Taurus returning to earth after a passionate spring fling in the sign of Aries.

May 29^th: Mercury enters Cancer. Mercury crosses the finish line of its annual homecoming in Gemini to immerse itself in the foreign oceanic depths of Cancer where it will retrograde on June 7^th as it pivots to retrace its steps back to its native sign of Gemini on June 17^th. Ambidextrous Mercury thrives on juggling and testing itself with each of the twelve signs, and it will turn on a dime leaving both its team mates and opponents wondering how Mercury was ever admitted to play in the celestial sports court in the first place.

Stay tuned for June’s forecast!

by Lee at

http://www.stillwatersastro.com

Marriage – Arranged or Falling in Love?

April 12, 2014 by @candesscampbell

“Our matriarchs had an interesting advantage over today’s western women. Matriarchs didn’t begin their marriage with love. Instead, they were taught how to love. They entered marriage with an earnest determination to grow a love that would sustain their marriage for a lifetime.”

― Michael Ben Zehabe, Song of Songs the book for daughters

When an invitation came from a friend of mine to attend his nephew’s wedding in Calcutta, I jumped at the chance. My flight took me from Spokane to Seattle, to Dubai and to Calcutta. What I didn’t know was how much I didn’t know about Hindu weddings.

My friend’s sister, the groom’s mother, picked us up after sunset to take us shopping in preparation for the ceremonies. While my friend sat upfront with the driver, I sat in the back of the relatively new car with his sister. Driver or taxi, it didn’t matter. The streets were full of a cacophony of honking and shouting as we maneuvered around other cars, taxis, motorized rickshaws and cycle rickshaws. Narrowly making it through the pedestrians, motorcycles, bikes and street dogs, I carefully listened to her as she shared it all.

She said that her son was marrying and it was an arranged marriage. She explained that what happens in an arranged marriage is the family signs up on a marriage portal to find a suitable partner for their daughter or son. This is the process she went through for her son, although it may be different in other arranged marriages. Questionnaires were completed online to make the correct match and then profiles of several choices for a possible mate were delivered. In this case, the groom was able to see the profiles and make some choices. The groom’s parents also ordered astrological charts so the astrologer could find who would be harmonious with their son. The parents then met with the young woman. Afterward, they invited the family and the young woman to meet their son. If there was a harmonious connection, the young couple met a few more times to test the compatibility. The next step was planning the marriage.

Some would scoff at this process and have many reasons to argue against it, saying it wouldn’t work; but statistics say different. According to UNICEF http://www.statisticbrain.com/arranged-marriage-statistics/ (August 16, 2012) the Divorce Rate for Arranged Marriages in India is 1.1 %. The Global Divorce rate for Arranged Marriages is 4 %.

So, could it be that arranged marriage is a more sensible way to pair up for life? What about falling in love? As I listened to the way the couples were paired, it sounded a lot like dating sites to me. Some of the largest dating sites in the US are match.com and eharmony.com. There is a difference though between dating sites and marriage portals. Many people I have talked with and my own experience is that many profiles on the dating sites are either false or exaggerated. In the US, there is even a TV show about this called Catfish. http://www.mtv.com/shows/catfish/

The screening process for marriage portals is much more complex and those who put up their profile are looking for marriage, not someone to date or with whom to create a sexual relationship. Although I’m not privy to any, there may be dating sites that are reliable and you can trust that the profile is accurate and meeting the person is safe. Agencies that are set up to match couples may be a better choice.

There are many ways of dividing relationships into stages. Here I will use the stages I use when counseling couples. They are the honeymoon phase, the working phase and the commitment phase.

With the “falling in love” process, there are stages that may differ from an arranged marriage. This is of course a simplified process, but falling in love begins with the honeymoon phase. You meet someone and you are immediately infatuated with them. You cannot stop thinking about them, love everything about them and find yourself smiling out loud and then embarrassed because you realize you are in public and think others can read your mind. During this stage, your energy increases and you become aroused, and even obsessed with the person to the point your friends get tired of listening to your ravings about him or her.

The next stage of the relationship is the working stage. You begin to notice some things you never observed before or what you did see begins to bother you. Previously, the fact he leaves his clothes all around the room was cute and showed his carefree attitude. Now, it’s irritating that you have to pick up after him. When she used to leave the sink full of toothpaste, it was childlike and playful. Now it is sticky and messy when you are in a hurry to shave and get to work.

This stage is when couples either learn to communicate and work together at being harmonious, or issues begin to tear at the thread of the relationship. The fun, playful guy begins to look like a slob and you wonder what you ever saw in him. The woman you felt proud to share with your friends, all of the sudden becomes controlling and whiny and you can’t wait to get away from her and do something with the guys.

These changes give you the opportunity to either end the relationship or learn to communicate, accept each other and go onto the next stage.

The next stage of relationship is a deepening process and you enter into the commitment stage. For many years I have said that when you enter into relationship, it brings up in your personality, all that needs healing and gives you the opportunity for personal growth. This is the gift of relationship. It is also a reason to do your personal development work before you get into relationship. You will attract a person at a similar level or vibrational frequency as you.

At this stage, you begin to understand how to communicate, be compassionate, compromise and stay connected. Even when you feel like responding with “fight or flight,” you stay and work through the problems. This is not to say that you won’t argue, but you will learn to “fight fair.” You also may move away from your partner for an hour or so, but you do this after communicating that you need to think things through and let your partner know when you will return. Most of the time when there is conflict in a relationship, it has to do with a misunderstanding or a resistance you have that is based on ego. Having accepting, loving partners that “hold the space” for each other to process feelings and thoughts, is how the relationship deepens and you grow into the couple you want to be.

Beyond the scope of this article is the question “what are the stages of an arranged marriage?” Having talked to a few men who are in arranged marriages, I found out that after the marriage, they did, in fact, fall in love with their wife and the couples are happy, committed and secure.

This article was previously published in Live Encounters Magazine. http://liveencounters.net/?page_id=6790

April’s Cardinal Cross: The Seasons of Our Lives In One Month

April 7, 2014 by @candesscampbell

Many people have been affected by the upcoming energy of the Grand Cross so I asked my astrologer to help us to understand what it means.

Enjoy this guest blog by Lee of Stillwaters Astro! http://stillwatersastro.com/ – Candess

Much has been discussed in recent months about the meaning and potential effects of April’s “Cardinal Grand Cross.” Just what does it mean to experience the combined effects of four planets each playing its own role in one of the four Cardinal signs forming a very close alignment in the shape of a cross in the same month?

The four Cardinal signs of the Tropical Zodiac are Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn that signify the beginning of the four seasons with the Sun’s annual arrival at zero degrees of longitude in each Cardinal sign. Cardinal signs can be described as “initiatory” corridors that usher in the official arrival of the Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter seasons each year.

Just as the seasons change with the arrival of Spring (birth), Summer (growth), Autumn (decline), and Winter (death), so do human lives in the course of each passing season and year.

The April 2014 Cardinal Grand Cross consists of a unique alignment of the planets Uranus in the sign of Aries, Jupiter in the sign of Cancer, Mars in the sign of Libra, and Pluto in the sign of Capricorn. These four planets form the symbol of a “Cross” within a single degree of an exact alignment that reaches its closest aspect during April 20th – 23rd. This Cardinal Grand Cross is further distinguished by its placement near the midpoint of two eclipses during the final two weeks of April.

The combined effects of so much focused celestial energy compressed within two weeks indicates completions and new beginnings both globally and individually as we experience the energies of all four seasons within a single month.

Stillwaters Astrology – April 2014

April 5th: Venus enters Pisces. The planet of beauty, love, and relationships joins Mercury, Chiron, and Neptune in the transcendent sign of Pisces bringing a welcome soothing quality to an otherwise intense month of April.

April 7th: Mercury enters Aries. The planet of communications picks up its pace as it departs sensitive Pisces and enters the aggressive fire sign of Aries. Mercury will receive an up close preview to report to us as it aspects the key Cardinal Grand Cross players of Jupiter, Uranus, Pluto, and Mars from April 14th – 16th. Those with planets or chart angles between 11 to 15 degrees in the Cardinal signs of Aries, Cancer, Libra, or Capricorn will be most affected by April’s Cardinal Grand Cross.

April 14th: Pluto retrogrades in Capricorn. The planet of transformation reverses direction on the eve of a Total Lunar Eclipse. As Pluto steps backwards in Capricorn for the first time since April 2013 it partners with Mars already in retrograde during next week’s Cardinal Grand Cross while Jupiter and Uranus maintain their course in direct forward motion.

April 15th: Full Moon in Libra/Aries Total Lunar Eclipse. Today’s Total Lunar Eclipse is analogous to the April 15th, 1995 Lunar Eclipse that preceded the catastrophic bombing of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma within four days on the morning of April 19th, 1995. Easter arrives this year on Sunday, April 20th, 2014, so it’s wise to be very conscious in activities with so many unpredictable collective dynamics during the second half of April.

April 19th: Sun enters Taurus. The Sun arrives in the earthy fixed sign of Taurus on the eve of Easter just in time to provide some ballast and grounding for the closest alignment of the initiatory Cardinal Grand Cross during the next four days.

April 23rd: Mercury enters Taurus. Just as the Cardinal Grand Cross completes its peak performance (including an exact 90 degree square aspect between Uranus and Pluto on April 21st), Mercury lends support to the Sun in Taurus by helping citizens of the global village return to terra firma and adjust to April’s celestial currents.

April 28th: New Moon in Taurus Solar Eclipse. April concludes with a Solar Eclipse in the earth sign of Taurus. After the transformational events of the past four weeks we now arrive at an opportune time to sow seeds for new beginnings.

Lee, founder of Stillwaters Astrology, is an intuitive astrologer of 23 years, providing expert astrology readings. Astrological services include natal charts, relationship compatibility through synastry and composite charts, personal life timing through transits, progressions, solar returns, and relocation astrology for changes in residence or travel. http://stillwatersastro.com/

Commitment

March 4, 2014 by @candesscampbell

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

Relationships may be the most important aspect of your life. This year, my commitment is and has been to bring myself closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.

Truly, I understand with relationships there are so many components. We have to learn to set healthy boundaries, know when to compromise, practice compassion, learn to have clear communication, and to understand it really is all about perspective. The list is nearly endless. Stay tuned as I share with you my process (probably similar to yours,) in the area of relationships.

Often we become inspired by and motivated by the process of others. Join me in exploring and creating healthy relationships.

The Ugly Duckling

February 6, 2014 by @candesscampbell

“A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.”
― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

November 1843, Hans Christian Andersen’s story, The Ugly Duckling was published in Copenhagen, Denmark. This amazing fairy tale has been read and re-read by adults and children alike, all over the world.

The story, as you probably know, is about a baby bird raised by a mother duck in a flock of other ducklings. The bird was teased and bullied unmercifully throughout his life, because he looked different and behaved differently. As an adult, the bird sought out and joined a flock of swans finding them to be beautiful birds. Although he expected the same abuse, the swans were open to his joining with them and they accept him. One day this ugly duck saw his reflection in the water and realized he was not an ugly duck at all, but really was a beautiful swan. He found his flock and fit right in. He was transformed.

Common to all of us is the desire to be heard, seen and understood. Many of us can relate to this archetypal story of not fitting in and finding ourselves teased, attacked or excluded. We continued to look for and hoped to find “our people”, our flock or our tribe. In the journey of doing so, we often changed our opinions or beliefs. Sometimes we gave up our voice and became silent, all in an attempt to fit in.

So often I hear someone telling another person what “the truth” is and insist on what they “should” be doing or thinking. Communication becomes about what is right or wrong. Opinions become polarized and those who do not agree with either the loudest voice or the group voice can be intimidated, shamed or alienated.

Over the years, the precious beliefs developed as young people get lost in the mass of voices and one’s self-esteem takes a hit. So often when working with clients, the undercurrent of their situation is a feeling of being unworthy or undeserving. How others have treated them guides their beliefs about themselves.

What would happen if, instead of stating your opinion and telling someone what you think, you asked the person to explain more about what they were saying? Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how your relationships change if you went into conversations with the sole purpose of understanding their point of view. How would your posture change if you were there just to receive, to just hear the story?

My focus is on Relationship for 2014. Join with me in practicing, “just listening!”

Now, there will be times to share your opinion and have debates of course, and to enjoy the fun and creativity of a dispute, but let’s change it up a bit. Think about a few people in your life that are important to you. Make a conscious choice to have a couple conversations with them where you just “hold the space” for their musings, for their sharing, for how they see the world. Experience them deeply. Look into their eyes and be present to them. Give them the gift of being heard, seen, and understood. Bring them into your fold and see them as the swan they truly are. Allow your loved ones to be transformed by the incredible generosity of your listening.

Candess M. Campbell, PhD is the #1 Best-selling author of 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine. She is an international Psychic Medium, Intuitive Consultant, Speaker, and has practiced as a mental health and chemical dependency counselor for over 30 years.

You can also find this article in the January issue of Live Encounters Magazine!

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?” ― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

The reality is, when you are in relationship, and especially when you create a new intimate relationship, all the unfinished emotional business is right in your face. It reminds me of the “PigPen” character from Charlie Brown, except the dust and dirt is literally right in your face!

You have to learn to set boundaries, compromise, be compassionate, communication clearly, understand yours is not the only perspective and the list is nearly endless.

So a few things to think about in your relationships.

3. Opposites may attract, but in the long run, if you don’t have the same interests, it is difficult to stay connected. If you are single and looking for a relationship: look in the places that you already go.

May 2014 Astrological Forecast

May 2nd: Venus enters Aries. Lady Venus arrives in the aggressive cardinal fire sign of Aries in pursuit of spring romance. As she strolls through each degree of Aries between now and May 28th she will certainly have no shortage of suitors to choose from.

May 7th: Mercury enters Gemini. The messenger planet celebrates a spring homecoming in its own sign of Gemini. The greatest quandary of Mercury in Gemini is who or what to choose and how long might it last until mercurial Mercury becomes bored and decides to move on?

May 19th: Mars turns direct in Libra. Mars steps forward in the sign of Libra for the first time since it retrograded on March 1st. The past eleven weeks in retrograde have served Mars well, as the warrior planet secured its coveted seat in April’s Cardinal Grand Cross.

May 20th: The Sun enters Gemini. The Sun’s arrival in the mutable air sign of Gemini ushers in the final month of this spring season preparing the way for the arrival of summer on the June 21st Solstice.

Stay tuned for June’s forecast!

by Lee at

“Our matriarchs had an interesting advantage over today’s western women. Matriarchs didn’t begin their marriage with love. Instead, they were taught how to love. They entered marriage with an earnest determination to grow a love that would sustain their marriage for a lifetime.”

― Michael Ben Zehabe, Song of Songs the book for daughters

When an invitation came from a friend of mine to attend his nephew’s wedding in Calcutta, I jumped at the chance. My flight took me from Spokane to Seattle, to Dubai and to Calcutta. What I didn’t know was how much I didn’t know about Hindu weddings.

There are many ways of dividing relationships into stages. Here I will use the stages I use when counseling couples. They are the honeymoon phase, the working phase and the commitment phase.

These changes give you the opportunity to either end the relationship or learn to communicate, accept each other and go onto the next stage.

Beyond the scope of this article is the question “what are the stages of an arranged marriage?” Having talked to a few men who are in arranged marriages, I found out that after the marriage, they did, in fact, fall in love with their wife and the couples are happy, committed and secure.

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

May 2^nd: Venus enters Aries. Lady Venus arrives in the aggressive cardinal fire sign of Aries in pursuit of spring romance. As she strolls through each degree of Aries between now and May 28^th she will certainly have no shortage of suitors to choose from.

May 7^th: Mercury enters Gemini. The messenger planet celebrates a spring homecoming in its own sign of Gemini. The greatest quandary of Mercury in Gemini is who or what to choose and how long might it last until mercurial Mercury becomes bored and decides to move on?

May 19^th: Mars turns direct in Libra. Mars steps forward in the sign of Libra for the first time since it retrograded on March 1^st. The past eleven weeks in retrograde have served Mars well, as the warrior planet secured its coveted seat in April’s Cardinal Grand Cross.

May 20^th: The Sun enters Gemini. The Sun’s arrival in the mutable air sign of Gemini ushers in the final month of this spring season preparing the way for the arrival of summer on the June 21^st Solstice.