Don’t try to comprehend with your mind. Your minds are very limited. Use your intuition.
Madeleine L’Engle, A Wrinkle in Time
When you hear the words intuitive healing, what comes to mind? Many people are searching today for information, healing, and guidance. Although I am an intuitive healer and reader, my focus is empowering others to use their own intuitive abilities.
Intuitive healing can…
Clearing the Past
“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Over the years, what I have taught is manifesting and creating the life you want. In order to do this, you have to bring the past into “present time.” What I mean by this is that when you focus on the past and live in the past, your life is controlled by what you felt and thought in the past. What happens is you continue to feel those feelings in the present. Living in the past leaves no room for what you are experiencing in the present. Living in the past, having your thoughts and feelings consumed by the past, can also control your future. Your past becomes your future.
Living in the future creates anxiety.
Living in the past creates depression.
When I talk about healing the past, what I hear most is “how do I do that?” Well, there are many modalities for healing the past. One that I teach is to become aware of the memories and the wounds. Feel them and change your beliefs around them. Your feelings are a result of your beliefs. Often your beliefs flitter so quickly in your mind, you have difficulty noticing them, grabbing them and examining them.
The ones you can identify is where to start. In your journal, write out a list of people and situations where you have been hurt or angry. Allow yourself to feel your feelings as you remember. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself.
Look at where you may have contributed to the situation. Take inventory of your own actions. You can use the successful process from the Big Book of AA. When taking inventory, write out where you were selfish, self-centered, frightened, or to blame.
Now, you may not have had any responsibility in the situation, especially if you were a child. In that case, look at what was going on in the other person’s life at the time.
People do the best they can at the time. Sometimes their best is destructive and hurtful to others, but it still is the best they can do with the awareness, teachings and the consciousness they have at the time. Are there some things you would like to do that you don’t do? Are there things you do that you wish you didn’t? Have you behaved in the past in ways you would not behave today because you know better? No one is perfect.
Anger is a secondary emotion that covers up pain or fear.
You may have had desires, demands or expectations of someone. Then you find they didn’t either give you what you wanted or they behaved in ways that hurt you.
If this is so and is in the past, in order to heal yourself and move on, you can forgive them. If it is a present situation, then you can make choices on how you choose to handle the situation. If choose to continue to stay in a destructive situation, it is your choice. The responsibility then becomes yours. You cannot blame the other person when you choose to stay. What happens when you blame someone else is, they then have the power to change the situation and you become a victim. When you take responsibility for your choices, you remain empowered and in control of your life.
If you still have a lot of pain or anger about the situation, write out what happened to you. You can write it over and over until the “sting” or “charge” is gone. You may want to read it over and over to a safe, loved one until it is no longer controlling you. You can forgive and move on. This does not mean you agree with what happened, it just means it no longer controls you.
Only you have the ability to clear your past and live fully in present time, thus giving you the power to create the life you want to live.
Clearing frees you to live in present time.
Live Intuitively: Journal the Wisdom of your Soul will help you with writing prompts called Soul Stems™ to heal your memories and emotions.
Commitment
“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song
As stated in the beginning of this year, my word for 2014 is Relationships. This year, my commitment has been to come closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.
The reality is, when you are in relationship, and especially when you create a new intimate relationship, all the unfinished emotional business is right in your face. It reminds me of the “PigPen” character from Charlie Brown, except the dust and dirt is literally right in your face!
You have to learn to set boundaries, compromise, be compassionate, communication clearly, understand yours is not the only perspective and the list is nearly endless.
Even more than that, when you are in an intimate relationship, it is necessary to become vulnerable. Of course, it is best to choose a partner who is safe so you can be vulnerable! Most of us have been hurt in the past. Staying in “present time” with your new love is important. It is not helpful to treat your current partner as if she or he is going to behave like the one who cheated on you, could not communicate at all, or had a slight attachment disorder and played “come here, go away!”
So a few things to think about in your relationships.
1. You will tend to be happier if you don’t fall in love with potential. When you are evaluating your choices around relationship, ask yourself if you would be happy with this person long term, even if she or he did not change anything at all. Most likely other people don’t change just because we want them to.
2. Speak up in the beginning of the relationship and let your needs be known. Many people don’t rock the boat for fear the other person will leave or not like them; especially in the beginning excitement of the relationship. Tell your partner who you are, what you want and be real about it. Too often I see people keep quiet and then either become angry when the other person doesn’t know what they want. They expect the one they love to be a mind reader. Then they either blow up on the outside and become angry and argumentative or on the inside and become ill and/or passive aggressive. If they leave when you communicate, they are not a good fit. You deserve to be loved for who you are.
3. Opposites may attract, but in the long run, if you don’t have the same interests, it is difficult to stay connected. If you are single and looking for a relationship: look in the places that you already go.
4. And lastly, when your relationship is with your family – understand neutrality and amusement. When there is conflict, see your family from a neutral place. It is not helpful to try to change them or get them to see things your way. Who has been able to change you and change how you think by telling you over and over. Be amused at how they choose to live their life and focus back on yourself and create happiness in your own life.
Why People Cheat
After attending a wedding in Kolkata last month and exploring arranged marriages and the low rate of divorce in India, it made me think more about divorce, and specifically, why people cheat.
Having been a professional counselor and intuitive reader for many years, I have been privy to the inside of many relationships, at least through the eyes of my client.
In any relationship, the foundation to having a positive and healthy experience is having good self-esteem. Self-esteem is the value one puts on themselves, how they feel about themselves and a belief of how others perceive them. Many years ago I attended the second weekend workshop of the Landmark Forum. This workshop is geared to assist the participants in becoming more positive in their lives by having a “break-through” in awareness. You might say it is a 3-day coaching program. Although, for the most part, the participants were successful and generally happy people, at the end of the day, hundreds of participants got up and shared from an exercise they completed the underlying issue behind their difficulties was they did not believe they were either worthy or deserving.
Although this was a small sample of the population, it is challenging for me not to generalize to most people. Given this premise, it would make sense that people who are in committed relationships cheat in order to have an external validation of themselves; of their worth and their value.
It would be remiss of me not to also address our human need to love and be loved. As a counselor who has worked with thousands of people, I have to understand one’s ability to express and receive love through the lens of their history, beginning with the birth experience on. Each person is different in their ability and desire for intimacy and need to experience the other person as a source of love.
When I ask others why people cheat some of the the responses are “to boost their self-esteem,” “because they are selfish,” and “because they are not getting certain needs met by their partner.” This issue is clearly not black and white.
When clients come to me for a session, ready to end their marriage or long-term relationship, often I ask them when they first knew this was not working, or not going to work. More often than not, they say, right away, or the first week, sometimes even the first day. One of the main reasons I believe relationships don’t work, is people do not listen to their intuition in the first place. The intensity of the relationship, the pheromones, adrenaline, sexual attraction replaces not only what they think (red flags,) but also their gut feeling, their own intuition.
Having said that, once committed, Why Do People Cheat?
Aside from low self-esteem, lack of communication is definitely one of the main issues. In the intensity of the initial meeting and connection, everything about the person is great. If not so great, although not true, the belief is where the other is not what you want, they will change. Small disagreements are soon met with make-up sessions of love and passion. The ability to communicate may never be addressed and the he relationship over time may not deepen. Rather than searching for answers (which you can find online, in books and with counselors, ministers and healers) the person reaches for someone who adores them, finds them attractive, or gives them what they want without any need for clear communication.
With the lack of communication also can come control issues. Some of the ways that one control are not allowing their loved one to have the freedom to spend time with their friends, controlling the money, or not allowing their partner to work outside the home. Passive aggressive behavior may take over and one partner will withhold sex, or become withdrawn and depressed. Not all depression is a form of passive aggressiveness, but it can be for some. These control issues can include verbal, emotional and physical abuse and the controlled partner eventually finds solace in the arms of another.
When one looks for validation from others, they may create an intimate relationship outside the for the sole purpose of identity and self-esteem. One may marry because the other person “looks good” and makes them “look good.” This is the concept of the “trophy wife.” Women often marry men who have power or money. This would be a marriage that has the prostitute archetype activated. There is a trade between the partners. In these cases, the agreement of the marriage does not satisfy the need for love or the intense sexuality that they may crave and so they may have a love partner on the side.
This desire for love and sexual satisfaction can also be a reason one will cheat when there is no longer love or affection in the marriage. After years of being together, the couple may grow apart and feel as if they are “married singles.” They long for connection and to feel young and alive and because the marriage seems to be dead, they find a lover or maybe even fall in love with another person. Then they have the decision to stay in the marriage or leave.
When one falls in love or wants to fall in love again, rather than leaving, they may stay married and cheat because of family religious obligations, not wanting to upset the children or other family members, or financial dependency or security. They feel stuck, yet make a decision on values of one sort, and giving up the value of fidelity. Another reason similar to this, is one who cannot stand up for themselves. They keep quiet and live the life they despise. This again can be from low self-esteem and in these cases often become passive aggressive, thus an affair.
In some cases, I have seen where clients have had affairs because they have a spouse who is ill. They stay in the marriage to care for their loved one and may still be very much in love, but they are not able to get emotional needs met. Financial dependency or family expectations may also be involved and rather than being unhappy, they make the decision to fill themselves up with love from another.
One of the most common situations I have seen has been when someone cheats because of revenge. This can be because they were cheated on, or because their partner is just not doing what they want. They justify their behavior because they are not happy and take no responsibility for creating happiness for themselves.
More recently, it has come out into the open that some people who are gay, marry to create a public presence that is acceptable. This has happened in politics and other areas where one would lose a lot to be open about their sexuality. Many people who were gay married and created families before society began to be more open and continued to hide behind the façade and have love lives separate from their marriage.
And finally, and possibly the most common reason people cheat is love addiction. As a counselor, I am most privy to this. Love addiction is a combination of many of these reasons: low self-esteem, need for validation, often alcoholism and/or drug addiction, anger and vengeance and more. Love addiction can be a dangerous cycle of creating relationship, getting hurt, feeling desperate, finding a new lover immediately, and the cycle starts again.
This article has delved into why people cheat. Hopefully, you begin to think outside the box of right and wrong, the black and white perspective and understand that some reasons are clearly destructive, some freeing and healing and in all cases, difficult decisions to make.
This article was previously published in Live Encounters magazine. http://liveencounters.net/?page_id=6969
April’s Cardinal Cross: The Seasons of Our Lives In One Month
Many people have been affected by the upcoming energy of the Grand Cross so I asked my astrologer to help us to understand what it means.
Enjoy this guest blog by Lee of Stillwaters Astro! http://stillwatersastro.com/ – Candess
Much has been discussed in recent months about the meaning and potential effects of April’s “Cardinal Grand Cross.” Just what does it mean to experience the combined effects of four planets each playing its own role in one of the four Cardinal signs forming a very close alignment in the shape of a cross in the same month?
The four Cardinal signs of the Tropical Zodiac are Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn that signify the beginning of the four seasons with the Sun’s annual arrival at zero degrees of longitude in each Cardinal sign. Cardinal signs can be described as “initiatory” corridors that usher in the official arrival of the Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter seasons each year.
Just as the seasons change with the arrival of Spring (birth), Summer (growth), Autumn (decline), and Winter (death), so do human lives in the course of each passing season and year.
The April 2014 Cardinal Grand Cross consists of a unique alignment of the planets Uranus in the sign of Aries, Jupiter in the sign of Cancer, Mars in the sign of Libra, and Pluto in the sign of Capricorn. These four planets form the symbol of a “Cross” within a single degree of an exact alignment that reaches its closest aspect during April 20th – 23rd. This Cardinal Grand Cross is further distinguished by its placement near the midpoint of two eclipses during the final two weeks of April.
The combined effects of so much focused celestial energy compressed within two weeks indicates completions and new beginnings both globally and individually as we experience the energies of all four seasons within a single month.
Stillwaters Astrology – April 2014
April 5th: Venus enters Pisces. The planet of beauty, love, and relationships joins Mercury, Chiron, and Neptune in the transcendent sign of Pisces bringing a welcome soothing quality to an otherwise intense month of April.
April 7th: Mercury enters Aries. The planet of communications picks up its pace as it departs sensitive Pisces and enters the aggressive fire sign of Aries. Mercury will receive an up close preview to report to us as it aspects the key Cardinal Grand Cross players of Jupiter, Uranus, Pluto, and Mars from April 14th – 16th. Those with planets or chart angles between 11 to 15 degrees in the Cardinal signs of Aries, Cancer, Libra, or Capricorn will be most affected by April’s Cardinal Grand Cross.
April 14th: Pluto retrogrades in Capricorn. The planet of transformation reverses direction on the eve of a Total Lunar Eclipse. As Pluto steps backwards in Capricorn for the first time since April 2013 it partners with Mars already in retrograde during next week’s Cardinal Grand Cross while Jupiter and Uranus maintain their course in direct forward motion.
April 15th: Full Moon in Libra/Aries Total Lunar Eclipse. Today’s Total Lunar Eclipse is analogous to the April 15th, 1995 Lunar Eclipse that preceded the catastrophic bombing of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma within four days on the morning of April 19th, 1995. Easter arrives this year on Sunday, April 20th, 2014, so it’s wise to be very conscious in activities with so many unpredictable collective dynamics during the second half of April.
April 19th: Sun enters Taurus. The Sun arrives in the earthy fixed sign of Taurus on the eve of Easter just in time to provide some ballast and grounding for the closest alignment of the initiatory Cardinal Grand Cross during the next four days.
April 23rd: Mercury enters Taurus. Just as the Cardinal Grand Cross completes its peak performance (including an exact 90 degree square aspect between Uranus and Pluto on April 21st), Mercury lends support to the Sun in Taurus by helping citizens of the global village return to terra firma and adjust to April’s celestial currents.
April 28th: New Moon in Taurus Solar Eclipse. April concludes with a Solar Eclipse in the earth sign of Taurus. After the transformational events of the past four weeks we now arrive at an opportune time to sow seeds for new beginnings.
Lee, founder of Stillwaters Astrology, is an intuitive astrologer of 23 years, providing expert astrology readings. Astrological services include natal charts, relationship compatibility through synastry and composite charts, personal life timing through transits, progressions, solar returns, and relocation astrology for changes in residence or travel. http://stillwatersastro.com/
Commitment
“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song
Relationships may be the most important aspect of your life. This year, my commitment is and has been to bring myself closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.
Truly, I understand with relationships there are so many components. We have to learn to set healthy boundaries, know when to compromise, practice compassion, learn to have clear communication, and to understand it really is all about perspective. The list is nearly endless. Stay tuned as I share with you my process (probably similar to yours,) in the area of relationships.
Often we become inspired by and motivated by the process of others. Join me in exploring and creating healthy relationships.
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