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Resolving Conflict!

by @candesscampbell

Recently at Interplayers Theatre, I saw the play Brighton Beach Memoirs by Neil Simon. It was an incredible performance that exemplified the topic at hand – conflict.

The story is about Eugene, an adolescent, Jewish boy in 1937. He recalls his memories of living with his parents, aunt, two female cousins, and his brother at a time when he was going through puberty, sexual fantasy, poverty, and living in a crowed home. In this play, Eugene Jerome, played by Nich Witham, gave an over-exaggerated sense (in a fantastic performance) of not being heard and doing what he could to find his place and get his needs met in this family.

This play was a great backdrop for me to expound on how to resolve conflict and the pitfalls of communication. Here are some helpful steps.

 Clear with this person on an energetic level.

1. Ground your energy. Here is a video that will teach you to do this. http://bit.ly/wBHJbh

2. You have an aura around you which is part of your energetic self.  Imagine pulling your aura in around your body. Pull it in about 6 – 8 inches around you.

3. Focus in your heart and bring your attention out of the top of your head into the heavens.

4. Image the person there with you. At this level, send them love from your heart. You may also imagine sending them golden white Light from your heart.

5. If you can do this without anger or negative feelings, talk with them at this level.

6. Come back down, image yourself filling up with golden white Light and release any leftover energy down your grounding cord.

Steps to resolve conflict in person.

1. Write out the situation in your journal and then re-read it the next day. Sometimes it helps to do this a few times, so that you can become clear on what happened and what you want to communicate.

2. Become aware of your own part of the situation, even if you perceive it to be minor in comparison to the other person.

3. If you are angry, look at where you may be feeling hurt or fearful. These emotions are often right under the surface of anger. Feel your feeling and let them go. Journal them over and over if need be.

4. Contact the person you are having conflict with and use clear, direct, honest communication. I suggest you meet in person (not via text or email) because this allows you not only to read the body language, but also to open your heart.

5. Give the other person the chance to communicate their side completely. It is helpful to use the words, “I heard you say,” and repeat back to them what you heard and let them clarify. This helps them to feel heard. You can hear what someone is saying without agreeing with them. It is important that you hear.

6. Once the other person feels heard, share your side. They may not listen well and you may not feel heard. If that is the case use the broken record method. Continue to say the core message again and again, “I hear what you say, and ______.” Yes, that is true, and _______.” Do this until they are able to understand they are not hearing you.

7. Make a request of the person such as “My request is we put this behind us and go on from here,” or “My request is that we continue to meet and talk weekly until we can resolve this.” You can use whatever it is that you desire.

8. Trust your intuition, and use as many of these steps as you would like. If the person is not willing to meet with you or clear the situation with you, then move on and let it go. No longer allow them into your energy field and set healthy boundaries.  (I will share more about this in a future video and blog.)

Sometimes people have a hard time clearing conflict because of negative communication patterns.  Often these reactions were learned in early childhood as a survival response to a dysfunctional family. In this case they may triangle in other people to take sides, or become passive aggressive and rather than talking with you directly, they will be passive in their aggression in a subversive manner.

More will be shared about this in this relationship series.

One of the books I recommend for healthy communication is Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg

You can find other valuable information at http://candesscampbell.com/books/self-help-toolbox

Bless your heart,

Candess

 

 

How to Choose a Psychic Healer

by @candesscampbell

Where ever you look today you see the words psychic, intuitive and healer.  For those of us who have been providing these services for many years, it is so exciting that, once alienated and thought “weird,” we are now moving into the mainstream.

The downside of this though, is anyone can say they are a psychic, an intuitive and a healer. This whole subject is double edged for me. On one hand, I believe and teach that we are all intuitive and all have healing ability. The other side though, is that just because we are intuitive and have healing ability does not make us a psychic, an intuitive or a healer.

It is rare to find someone who immediately has these abilities or has the abilities without training and practice.

Kyoto- If I can lift the rock my wish comes true!

Today we have so many tools like tarot cards, medicine cards and such, and these are fun to use to get bits and pieces of information. To be a professional card reader though, to be in integrity and to charge for these readings, it can take years of practice.

[clickToTweet tweet=”How to Choose a Psychic Healer!” quote=”Integrity, Compassion and Healthy Boundaries are important traits of a Psychic Healer. “]

So how do you know who to trust and who is just putting out a self- proclaimed shield without backing?  You have a right to know about the person you hire and who you let work in your energy field or read you psychically. If they don’t charge you, be even more careful because those of us who are highly skilled, usually charge.

Here are some guidelines.

  1. Find out where they received their training. What school did they attend, what classes did they take, and are they certified? Do they have supervision?  Most who are legitimate in these fields will be able to tell you, and proudly. Now, many of the spiritual healing and intuitive modalities are not accredited like medical schools or counseling programs, but the practitioner should be able to tell you where they learned their skills, what programs they took, or, with Reiki, the lineage of their teachers.
  2. Have them share with you how long they have been doing this work. Their response to the question may be more important than how long they practiced. If they are not clear about this, that may be a red flag.
  3. Make sure you work with someone who can be open and honest with you about what they do. If they cannot explain what they do, you may want to go to someone who has a definite skill and can back it up.
  4. Find out if they get continuing education in their practice. The value of seeing professionals such as licensed counselors and physicians is they are required to have continuing education and stay up on what is happening in their field. See if your practitioner is doing the same. This includes a clear understanding of setting boundaries (their own and with clients) and the ethics of working with clients.

Whether you want to hire a psychic, an intuitive or a healer or you are a psychic, intuitive, or healer, it is important to know that not all people are trained and skilled appropriately. If you don’t trust the person you are seeing, find someone else. If you are uncertain about your own skills, get more training. You will feel better about yourself and attract more clients.

Here are a couple examples of why you want to make sure you are seeing the right person.

  1. You want to receive a service from someone who understands more than you do about working with people. For instance, let’s say you are a person who believes everything you hear. You go to a psychic and she says you will lose your job in 3 months. You return to work and begin (subconsciously) to create the situation where you end up losing your job.

Now, if you are what we call highly programmable (believe everything you hear from the psychic) rather than discerning the information through your own filter, this can happen. A skilled psychic would be able to see this about you and speak with you in a way that you would receive the information you needed, but not leave her office and sabotage your job.  An untrained psychic or intuitive may not understand programmability and may send you on your way to self-destruct.

  1. It is important to see someone who does the emotional, mental, and spiritual work themselves. If not, they may have the tendency to “project” onto you some of what they are working on. An example from my own life is, when I was ill several years ago, unknowingly struggling with adrenal fatigue, I went to a local woman for a reading. She had two decks of cards. One had a border and then a cut out for another card and they together made one picture.

The outer border I picked was a picture of a barn. The inner picture was of a shovel. I was really ill, having no energy and could barely think at the time. She asked me to tell her what it meant. I couldn’t figure it out. She was impatient with me and said “it means your are supposed to pick up the shovel and get to work!” Well, not long afterward I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue (which I write about in my book 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine.) Shortly after that all I could do was rest. I could manage one client a day and that was it. Hindsight is, the card meant to put the shovel down and stop working, but the judgment I received from her was I was not doing enough. I also had felt I didn’t do enough which is why I had driven myself to such a physical state.

Had I known how to pick the right person to help me, the situation would have been much different. What happens though, is when we are at the bottom and reaching out for help, sometimes we just reach out anywhere. As you read this now, hoping your life is healthy and balanced, research the people you would choose for your psychic and your healer.  Then when you need them, you will have confidence in your choice!

Curious about getting a Reading from Candess?

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Living in Two Worlds

by @candesscampbell

Interesting how sometimes we don’t know how other people see us. I have been a counselor, teacher, intuitive reader and healer for 30 years. I understand I am seen that way, and many years ago, because of my healing and intuitive abilities, just like many of you, I was seen as strange or weird.

What I haven’t been seen as is a businesswoman. I question this sometimes because most people know I have my counseling practice, my intuitive business and travel internationally, to Japan, India, Ireland and other places facilitating workshops.

A typical day may look like this. I see a client in my office, have a phone session with a client on the east coast, see another client in my office, Skype with a client in the Dominican Republic and finish with another Skype session in Singapore. I love the ability to connect with people all over the world!

Now, I have a new business that excites me to no end. It is an app that equalizes the opportunity for success. I came from poverty and when I was a young mother there were times that I struggled. Now, I feel blessed having a successful business and I have the freedom to live the life I desire.

My goal is to make this iLivingApp available to you as well. There is nothing that pleases me more than to empower others as other people have empowered me. Here is an opportunity to do that. Check out my new website and email me and I would be happy to help you into this business as well. Finally, there is something that really excites me that is affordable for all and can equalize the opportunity for success.

http://www.ilivingapp.com/candess

Evaluating your Situation!

by @candesscampbell

Into the New Year, most people have taken a look back and reflected on the past year. Some have made resolutions and some just go forward with hope. Rather than making resolutions, I pick one focus for the year, one word to remember and increase in my life.

One year the word was money and I became more responsible in my spending, saving and earnings. That year I increased my income by 25%. I read money books, brought my attention to my habits and envisioned and created abundance.

Last year my focus was on food. I watched “foody” shows on television and regularly added nutritionally healthy foods to my diet. I drank green smoothies and my body glowed from all the enzymes. I increased my awareness on how foods affect my health (and my mood!)

This year my focus is music. I have a Martin 000M and my plan is to learn to play my guitar, listen to a variety of music throughout the year, attend concerts and experience music as a healing force in my life!

Speaking of a healing force in my life. I just published my book 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine.   

The first chapter focuses on Evaluating Your Situation.  Whether it is emotional or physical pain, there is always an emotional component. I find that when people tend to focus on the past, they suffer from depression and when they focus on the future, it creates anxiety. On my website candesscampbell.com under Books and Self-Healing Tools you will find self-screening tests. One is for depression and the other for anxiety.  If you find that you struggle with either of these, getting professional help is important.

Sometimes you live your life day to day without much self-awareness. It is helpful to look at whether or not you are getting your needs met. William Glasser, MD, a psychiatrist wrote a book called Choice Theory. In the book he talked about people having Four Basic Needs. The needs he lists are for 1) Love & Belonging, 2) Power and Worth, 3) Freedom and 4) Fun. These are beyond your need for survival.

Think about your life and what the main need is in your life.  In your journal, write down your main need. Then write down friends and family you spend most of your time with. List some activities you engage in on a regular basis. Are you getting your needs met with these friends, family members and your activities?

For example I list as one of my loved ones, my Cairn Terrior/mix Domingo. The needs I get met by Domingo are Love and Belonging and Fun.  When I image an oval shape and think about how full I am from my relationship with Domingo, I see the oval being maybe a third full. This means I need more people and activities to get my Love and Belonging and Fun needs met.

When I first did this exercise I listed out my friends. A few of the friends I spent most of my time with did not meet my needs at all. I found one friend met most of my needs. I realized I leaned too much on one friend and needed to create more relationships in my life where I felt more alive, full, and got my needs met. I also realized I needed to let some friends go. With self-awareness, I saw how drained I became after spending time with some friends.

Try this yourself. You may be amazed at how simple changes in your life can shift your emotional for physical pain!

Also, in evaluating your situation, it is important to look at the interrelatedness between your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. You can find a Total Behavior Map here to help you.  http://candesscampbell.com/books/self-help-tools/70-2) On this map you can write out in the center what need you want to get met. Write down a situation that has been difficult for you regarding this need. List what you were doing, thinking and feeling. Then write again as if you were thinking something different. If you were thinking ___________, then what would you be doing or feeling?

You are an integrated being of Mind, Body and Spirit. You will notice that when you change your thinking about a situation, your feeling changes as well. You may choose to do something different and immediately your thinking changes and your feeling changes.  The key here is you have 100 % control over your doing, 90 % control over your thinking and only 10 % control over your feeling. When you do or think something different – you feel better!

An example is Sarah was waiting for a phone call from Taylor to go out to dinner. (love and belonging and fun) Taylor didn’t call and Sarah thought, “I was stood up.” She started feeling angry and lost energy. Sarah began making up stories in her mind of what happened and worked herself into a frenzy.

An hour later Taylor called and said she was so sorry. She explained that she had witnessed an accident on the freeway and was pulled in by the police to share what she had seen. Taylor said she was so shaken, she didn’t even think about the dinner plans until she calmed down and realized she was hungry. She asked Sarah if she could come over, she needed a friend.

Sarah began to understand (thinking) and she empathized (feeling) with Taylor’s experience. She began cooking (doing) something to share with Taylor and prepared for her friend to arrive.

Can you see how the feelings followed the doing and thinking in this situation? You can write out some situations in your past, some times when you were really upset. Then write out what you could have done or thought differently, identifying how you would feel different.

Use your journal for this exercise and soon you’ll find you can do it quickly in your mind.  So much of the emotional pain (which is under the physical pain) is manufactured in your mind. Now, you have a tool to change this!

Another tool is journaling. One situation I share in my book is for several days I found myself having a lot of pain in my shoulders. I left my office and sat down to rest and the pain was extremely disturbing. After about four days of this, I picked up my journal and began writing, “This pain in my shoulders. . .” and continued journaling for 20 minutes. What came up in my writing was a situation with one of my daughters. Once I wrote it out, the pain released immediately and was totally gone. This is a true testimony to how we carry pain in our bodies connected to our emotions!

There is so much more you can find in the book that will help you evaluate where you are and begin to move into self-healing. In February I’ll focus on Finding Your Passion!

12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine – UK

http://www.amazon.co.uk/12-Weeks-Self-Healing-Transforming-Medicine/dp/0615693822/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine – US

http://www.amazon.com/12-Weeks-Self-Healing-Transforming-Medicine/dp/0615693822/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355705809&sr=8-1&keywords=candess+campbell

 

Time and Space

by @candesscampbell

In a weekly phone meeting with my dearest friends, this last week we talked about the chapter Waste No Time in Sonia Choquette’s book Soul Lessons and Soul Purpose.

What I realized is I have been busier than I would have liked the last few years and I am like a mother bear protecting her cub around my time. She says if you “squander your time” basically you hold yourself back and others too!

I loved that she said, “do not waste other people’s time either. It is emotionally indulgent and disrespectful to break agreements, send mixed messages, arrive late for appointment (or miss them altogether), or be unaccountable.

Several years ago I took the Landmark Forum and Advanced Forum. There I learned how important it is to follow through when I give my word. It is about who I am and how others will see me and whether or not I gain respect and trust from others.

Now, I am not saying I don’t mess up at times. Occasionally, for some odd reason a client appointment disappears from my calendar and I end up unprepared as someone shows up or I call a client because they missed an appointment and I hadn’t recorded they had cancelled.  When this happens, I grovel appropriately and do whatever I need to do to make it right with them.

My time is valuable and so is yours.

My tendency has been, like I said, to mother-bear around protection of my time. I feel my time is being imposed on when I end up on the phone trapped in a circular system pressing buttons to get to a live person when I encounter the occasional mishaps around computer glitches, insurance claims or an issue with godaddy.com. Even so, my new growth goal is when I do get the live voice, to be polite and try not to ruin their day.

Thanks for taking your precious time to read this blog. Next time I will talk about space!

Now it is time to play! 

Time is the only equal opportunity employer there is.
–Cheyenne Mendel

Meditation

by @candesscampbell

The greatest gift I have found to develop a greater intuitive experience is meditation. It was in my meditative experience one morning I was given a specific meditation I now use.

Many of you already meditate and if you do, that is wonderful! You know the value of creating this time for yourself and the incredible connection you find with your Higher Self and the Divine. For many there is also the experience of connecting and communicating with Angels or Guides.

Many people who have tried meditation and don’t continue often think they are doing it wrong. Let me clarify some of the misconceptions. In meditation, you will not stop thinking. You have a central nervous system and therefore your brain will be thinking. What happens instead is you quiet your thoughts and rather than active thinking, you have what I call passive thinking. This means thoughts will enter and go by, but you just notice and don’t actively follow them. You can then return to your quiet mind.

I have also found people have a hard time quieting their mind when they meditate in the middle of the day or in the evening. I like to meditate first thing in the morning before leaving my bed. This allows me to tap into the wisdom of my subconscious mind and my Higher Self that has guided my dreams. Meditating in the morning also allows me to become filled with the Light of the Divine first thing in the morning!

For those who have not began the practice of meditation, here is a simple way to begin. Here is the meditation I have been given.

Set a timer to begin. This will help you to lengthen the time of your meditation.

As in other meditations, sit with your spine straight. I like to place my hands on my lap with my thumb, index and middle finger touching, facing upward.

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath and relax and adjust your body as needed.

Image a grounding cord such as a beam of light, a waterfall or a tree trunk going down from the base of your spine to the fiery center of Mother Earth. Release all the stress, tension and foreign energy down from the top of your head, down your face, shoulders, arms, hands, chest, upper and lower back, belly, pelvic area, hips, legs, ankles, and feet down your grounding cord.

Take another breath and bring your attention to above your head, to your crown chakra. Imagine a golden white Light spiraling down through the top of your head and spiraling in your heart. This is the spark of the Divine within you! This spiraling Light will emanate Light throughout your body and a few inches outside your body all around you.

Bring your attention to your third eye, which is between your eyes and a little above. Envision a water-blue color triangle at your third eye. Focus your attention through this triangle. Above your head about eight inches envision a burning ring of fire. This is the Eternal Flame of Isis. I share more about the triangle and the burning ring of fire when I teach intuitive reading.

Now you have the Golden Light Spiral, the Blue Triangle and the Fiery Ring of Fire set, bring your attention to your eyes. With your eyes still closed, move your eyes from right to left back and forth about 12 – 20 times. The pace is about one second for each set of from right to left and back. You can adjust this later to the best pace for yourself. This movement will be like pushing your eyes (with them closed) back and forth.

What you will notice is this takes you into a deeper into a meditative state. This increases with practice. Stop the eye movement and just be. Just notice what you experience. Stay in passive thinking and just experience and notice.

If you find you are thinking and lose the meditative sense, or you begin to come out of meditation, then use the eye movements back and forth to deepen again. This brings you back into a meditative state.

You may need to use the eye movement several times to deepen your meditation and this is fine. This takes practice, but if you commit to every day for a week, with a timer, this can change your life and increase not only your intuition, but your relationship with your Self and the Divine!

An added bonus, this eye movement is also therapeutic. It can assist in healing memories and traumas because moving your eyes from one side to the other activates the two hemispheres of the brain. When you begin your meditation you can set an intention of healing a specific situation, emotion, feeling, or thought.

Originally published in LiveEncounters