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When “The Secret Doesn’t Work!”

by @candesscampbell

In my niche, there are only a few people I know that have not seen the film The Secret, which came out in 2006.  If you have not seen it, I am sure you’ve seen shows or videos online about manifesting.

“It isn’t working!” exclaim many of my clients! Even when they know what they want to create, when they have clarified every detail, and even created a vision board, they wait and nothing happens. In deeper exploration of this, I realized a problem.

https://youtu.be/EC_YmdPy2h0

What happens when you get clear on what you want?  Are you excited and you match the energy of others who are successful? And then . . . You begin to doubt! All of the sudden, a voice within raises its ugly head saying, “You can’t do this.” You may think others can do it but not you or that you are doing it wrong. You may think you are not doing it long enough, hard enough, right enough. Then all the questions come up. What are you going to do with . . . What would you do about . . . What will others think? You’ll have to change everything; where you live, how you dress, where you go, your friends. . . it all hits at once.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Open your arms and heart and allow the Universe to gift you with your greatest desires!” quote=”Open your arms and heart and allow the Universe to gift you with your greatest desires!”]

What do others do who are successful? Well, a couple of things. One is they “do the work” and get underneath the issues that create this fear, increase their self-esteem, find support in groups of people who are similar, or they feel the fear they experience and do it anyway.

One way to do the work is to write out what you hear yourself saying and challenge it! An example from my own life is when I started filming the Reality TV Show for Soul Ltd. My biggest fear was what do I wear? If you are reading this I am offering a free download of my Abundance mp3. You can find it under products and use the coupon code 2015AbundanceGift. Enjoy! My mantra was I would live in my pajamas if I could. I boasted that I defended my dissertation with my adviser and others from the University over the Internet wearing my pajama bottoms. I did dress professional from the waste up!

What I told myself to calm my fears was, “I will be who I am. I love being comfortable and relaxed.” For 95% of the time, I can be in my pajamas or wear comfortable clothing. I can go make-up free and just be! I realized it was only for a small fraction of time I need to prepare for the camera. Only a small percentage of time I needed to be “on!” Once I understood this, I took a deep breath and realized there could be a million reasons I could make up not to take the next step. This was only one excuse. Once I understood that I do have control over my thoughts and actions, I was relieved.

[clickToTweet tweet=”You only have to learn to receive! ” quote=”You only have to learn to receive! “]

The second way to deal with this fear is to feel it and do it anyway. Now many of us have heard this before, but how do you do it? What I have learned to do when I felt fear is to sit down and close my eyes. I focused on my breath and relaxed myself. Then I brought my attention up out of my crown chakra at the top of my head up into the heavens. From there I looked down at myself and saw that I was “running fear” in my body. It was easy to see from above that my body had some responses that were irrational. I felt compassion for myself and understood it was just a physiological and emotional response. I noticed what I was feeling and allowed myself to witness myself from above. This fear is similar to when someone comes up from behind you and startles you or how you react immediately to a bee landing on you or when you see a spider. This is only a quick reaction. Soon it will pass.

So to recap – When you are creating a goal in your life, or when you are setting an important intention, negative self-talk may appear.

 

  1. Write out what you hear yourself saying and challenge it. It is important to write it out because you have more control over your thinking when you write.

 

  1. Sit down and close your eyes. Focus on your breath and relax. Bring your attention up out of your crown chakra at the top of your head up into the heavens. Look down at yourself and see yourself. From this distance you see that you are fearful or “running fear” in your body. Send compassion to yourself and allow yourself to be comfortable with the fear. You CAN create in your life what you desire the most!

 

You can do it!          

Now you only have to learn to receive!

 

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Commitment

by @candesscampbell

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

As stated in the beginning of this year, my word for 2014 is Relationships. This year, my commitment has been to come closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.

pigpenThe reality is, when you are in relationship, and especially when you create a new intimate relationship, all the unfinished emotional business is right in your face. It reminds me of the “PigPen” character from Charlie Brown, except the dust and dirt is literally right in your face!

 

You have to learn to set boundaries, compromise, be compassionate, communication clearly, understand yours is not the only perspective and the list is nearly endless.

Even more than that, when you are in an intimate relationship, it is necessary to become vulnerable. Of course, it is best to choose a partner who is safe so you can be vulnerable! Most of us have been hurt in the past. Staying in “present time” with your new love is important. It is not helpful to treat your current partner as if she or he is going to behave like the one who cheated on you, could not communicate at all, or had a slight attachment disorder and played “come here, go away!”

So a few things to think about in your relationships.

1. You will tend to be happier if you don’t fall in love with potential. When you are evaluating your choices around relationship, ask yourself if you would be happy with this person long term, even if she or he did not change anything at all. Most likely other people don’t change just because we want them to.

2. Speak up in the beginning of the relationship and let your needs be known. Many people don’t rock the boat for fear the other person will leave or not like them; especially in the beginning excitement of the relationship. Tell your partner who you are, what you want and be real about it. Too often I see people keep quiet and then either become angry when the other person doesn’t know what they want. They expect the one they love to be a mind reader. Then they either blow up on the outside and become angry and argumentative or on the inside and become ill and/or passive aggressive. If they leave when you communicate, they are not a good fit. You deserve to be loved for who you are.

3. Opposites may attract, but in the long run, if you don’t have the same interests, it is difficult to stay connected. If you are single and looking for a relationship: look in the places that you already go.

4. And lastly, when your relationship is with your family – understand neutrality and amusement. When there is conflict, see your family from a neutral place. It is not helpful to try to change them or get them to see things your way. Who has been able to change you and change how you think by telling you over and over. Be amused at how they choose to live their life and focus back on yourself and create happiness in your own life.

Commitment

by @candesscampbell

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?” 
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

Relationships may be the most important aspect of your life. This year, my commitment is and has been to bring myself closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.

Truly, I understand with relationships there are so many components. We have to learn to set healthy boundaries, know when to compromise, practice compassion, learn to have clear communication, and to understand it really is all about perspective. The list is nearly endless. Stay tuned as I share with you my process (probably similar to yours,) in the area of relationships.

Often we become inspired by and motivated by the process of others. Join me in exploring and creating healthy relationships.

 

Being the Pole – A Relationship Tool

by @candesscampbell

Relationships are fluid and changing all the time. Communication is often a challenge and keeping up with the shifting can be disconcerting. In this video I teach you to “Be the Pole.”  It is a great way to stay stable when you have a partner that is either reactive or changing their minds continually.  Enjoy!

Manifesting and Resistance

by @candesscampbell

“You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever…. connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

Soon after I chose my word for 2014 – Relationships – came the resistance. I am beginning to think that resistance may be the shadow side to most of what I want to manifest.

When I teach manifesting, I have my students or clients think about and write down specifically what they want to manifest. As soon as they do this, I encourage them to then write down all the thoughts of why they can’t have this. Now, this may appear counter-productive, but the reality is, these thoughts are going to either surface consciously or subconsciously and it is better to challenge them outright.

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So I’ll use my word – relationships. I have made a decision to focus on relationships this year. The thoughts that surface are these:I’ll have to slow down and make time for other people.

1. I will get hurt.
2. People will want more of me than I can give.
3. I’ll have to be present to everyone who comes into my life and I’ll get exhausted.

Now, that I have identified the immediate concerns I have, I can challenge them.

1. I’ll have to slow down and make time for other people.  – In this case, yes, I will do this. I have wanted to do this for a while and I can schedule my life with more play and less work and if I don’t resist this (stress and exhaustion) then I will really enjoy playing and being more present to friends and family.

2. I will get hurt. – Just because I am spending more time in my relationships and possibly allowing an intimate relationship, I don’t have to get hurt. I can move slowly, set necessary boundaries until I am confident and feel safe. I have a lot of skills and can use them in relationship. (You will notice that my resistance here appears to come from a need to feel safe.)

3. People will want more of me than I can give. – In this situation, the fear is not related to my friends and family, but more to other people. It will be necessary for me to be discerning of where I put my time and energy. It is not like a dam breaking. I can spend time with my friends and family without opening the floodgates to everyone. (overwhelm)

4. I will have to be present to everyone who comes into my life and I will become exhausted. – In this case, becoming present is actually a way of being less exhausted. There will be people around me that I don’t have to be continually present with. I can be present with myself and focus my attention where I would like. I am in control. (exhaustion)

I hope this example demonstrates the fears that come right behind your decision to manifest.  Now, you can be conscious of the fears and challenge them. The theme of this 30-day blog, is not just relationship to others, but relationship to yourself.

You are in control of your life, your choices and your future!

Commitment

by @candesscampbell

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?” 
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

As stated in the last blog, my word for 2014 is Relationships. This year, my commitment is to bring myself closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.

IMG_0027

Truly, I understand with relationships there are so many components. There is setting boundaries, compromise, compassion, clear communication, perspective and the list is nearly endless. In this 30 day Blog Challenge, I will share with you about my process (probably similar to yours,) in the area of relationships.

 Hope you have chosen a word for this year as well. It can be one to focus upon to joyfully bring into your life or to focus upon and create a growth spurt. Music was an expansive word for me in 2013. I welcome Relationships in 2014, to challenge me to grow.