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    • Contact Candess at candess@candesscampbell.com 509.363.1789

Communication and ADD

February 27, 2016 by @candesscampbell

Have you ever listened to a friend and thought “Can she even hear herself?”  We all have patterns of communication, and behavior for that matter, we don’t notice.

I remember one day my daughter said to me, “Mom, you’ve said that before, several times.” Many of you know when I was 14 years old I had an accident that resulted in a Near Death Experience with head injuries. As a result of this I have experienced some memory problems. Another result of this trauma was I lost my sense of smell, which also influences memory. A positive from the accident is a definite increase in my intuition. When my brain was injured, my intuitive self took over and now much of how I access information is intuitively.

Unless we continually challenge our brain, we can develop memory lapses. Since my daughter’s comment, I have been working on being aware and not repeating myself. Repeating can happen for reasons other than memory problems and brain injury. When one has a history of not being heard, not being listened to by others, they can develop a pattern of repeating. Saying the same thing over and over again can also come from a lack of self-awareness.  It can also be an ineffective way of trying to heal an emotional wound.  You may say the same thing over and over but nothing changes. It would be more effective to change your behavior by accepting a situation or changing your relationship with the problem; forgiving, leaving, setting boundaries and such. Saying the same thing over and over can also be a sign of ADD.

Have you ever had a conversation with a friend, loved one or a co-worker who often repeated the same thing and didn’t focus. Someone with whom you tried to create a plan, but politely getting them to pay attention, listen and commit to a time was near impossible? Instead they just kept telling you all the situations that went on in their day and you were not able to set a meeting.

So, how to do you communicate with friends, loved ones and co-workers that are ADD or have ADD
symptoms?

Listed here are some of the Inattentive Symptoms of ADD; not the Hyperactive Symptoms. This may help you to identify why you’ve had some difficulty communicating with someone. It can clarify why you may have felt frustrated and hopefully will give you some helpful communication solutions for yourself.

Inattentive ADD Symptoms

  • Careless mistakes/lack of attention to details
  • Lack of sustained attention
  • Poor listener
  • Failure to follow through on tasks
  • Poor organization
  • Forgetful in daily activities
  • Avoiding tasks requiring sustained mental effort
  • Losing things
  • Easily distracted

Depending upon how close you are to this person, you may want to research more about ADD and continue to learn.
Here are some simple ideas that may help.

  • Use emails as your primary form of communication to set up meetings. This way you can scan the email quickly for the details about the meeting.
  • Start your conversation with, “I have one minute to plan this meeting.”
  • When the person becomes tangential, politely bring them back to topic. “Oh, I’m sorry, I
    have to go, when did you say you could meet?”
  • Give the person 3 clear choices of times.
  • Be willing to set a boundary.
  • If the person won’t be decisive, realize the meeting may not happen and move on.
  • Plan your communication with the person when you have enough time to go through the
    process to get the meeting planned.
  • Have a plan B for your time so if their disorganization creates a last minute cancelation, it
    won’t disrupt your life.

These are some ideas that may be helpful. Again, if this is someone you live with or a supervisor, I encourage you to find more information on this topic. One book you may be interested in What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don’t?: Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder by Michele Novotni, PhD

 

The Ugly Duckling

November 20, 2015 by @candesscampbell

“A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.” 
― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

November 1843, Hans Christian Andersen’s story, The Ugly Duckling was published in Copenhagen, Denmark. This amazing fairy tale has been read and re-read by adults and children alike, all over the world.

duckThe story, as you probably know, is about a baby bird raised by a mother duck in a flock of other ducklings. The bird was teased and bullied unmercifully throughout his life, because he looked different and behaved differently. As an adult, the bird sought out and joined a flock of swans finding them to be beautiful birds. Although he expected the same abuse, the swans were open to his joining with them and they accept him. One day this ugly duck saw his reflection in the water and realized he was not an ugly duck at all, but really was a beautiful swan. He found his flock and fit right in. He was transformed.

Common to all of us is the desire to be heard, seen and understood. Many of us can relate to this archetypal story of not fitting in and finding ourselves teased, attacked or excluded. We continued to look for and hoped to find “our people”, our flock or our tribe. In the journey of doing so, we often changed our opinions or beliefs. Sometimes we gave up our voice and became silent, all in an attempt to fit in.

So often I hear someone telling another person what “the truth” is and insist on what they “should” be doing or thinking. Communication becomes about what is right or wrong. Opinions become polarized and those who do not agree with either the loudest voice or the group voice can be intimidated, shamed or alienated.

Over the years, the precious beliefs developed as young people get lost in the mass of voices and one’s self-esteem takes a hit. So often when working with clients, the undercurrent of their situation is a feeling of being unworthy or undeserving. How others have treated them guides their beliefs about themselves.

What would happen if, instead of stating your opinion and telling someone what you think, you asked the person to explain more about what they were saying? Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how your relationships change if you went into conversations with the sole purpose of understanding their point of view. How would your posture change if you were there just to receive, to just hear the story?

I invite you in the month of December, and hopefully throughout the next year, to practice “just listening.”

Now, there will be times to share your opinion and have debates of course, and to enjoy the fun and creativity of a dispute, but let’s change it up a bit. Think about a few people in your life that are important to you. Make a conscious choice to have a couple conversations with them where you just “hold the space” for their musings, for their sharing, for how they see the world. Experience them deeply. Look into their eyes and be present to them. Give them the gift of being heard, seen, and understood. Bring them into your fold and see them as the swan they truly are. Allow your loved ones to be transformed by the incredible generosity of your listening.

Previously published in Live Encounters Magazine

The Diamond Cutter

September 11, 2015 by @candesscampbell

Collaboration has been my word for 2015 and I have been practicing creating projects with others. I find that my style of communication is direct and my perfectionism is showing up. I am highly detailed oriented and highly present (partially my training as a counselor) and this year I am realizing that where others see a pine tree, I see each needle and pine cone.

My Soul Group is reading The Diamond Cutter: The Buddha on Managing your Business and your Life. In Chapter 7 the authors give 47 business problems and their solutions. The solutions are always an “imprint” that the business owner has that creates this problem. This belief is in alignment with what I hold to be true. What is happening in our lives is a reflection of ourselves.

Diamond CutterOne of the shorter examples from the book I can share (its more extensive in the book) is “Business problem #34. People around you are unreliable. You give them a job, and you’re never quite sure if they’re going to come through for you. The Solution here is . . . “the main actions you can take to assure yourself the perception (and therefore the reality) of reliability in the staff around you is for you to be constant and dependable in a very specific context: in your marriage or similar family commitments. It’s not fashionable nowadays to talk much about this kind of reliability, but according to the law of the potential in things and the imprints of our actions, this is one of the most important steps we can take in assuring stability in our personal and business lives.”

This book is really helping me practice what I believe. There is so much blaming of others, but the greatest changes come from making changes in myself.

What changes do you need to make in your own life to attract what you desire?

The Diamond Cutter: The Buddha on Managing your Business and your Life

Your Biography is Your Biology

December 28, 2014 by @candesscampbell

Your Biography is Your Biology

The soul always knows what to do to heal itself.
The challenge is to silence the mind.

― Caroline Myss

First of all I want to wish you a Happy Holiday!
th
There has been so much that has happened in the last few weeks and my apologies for not staying on track here.
 Finally, after two years of ultra-sounds and watching the lump near my thyroid grow, I decided to have my thyroid removed. The…

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Can She even Hear Herself?

September 27, 2014 by @candesscampbell

 

What I did next was so impulsive and dangerous I should’ve been named ADHD poster child of the year.

 Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

Have you ever listened to a friend and thought “Can she even hear herself?”  We all have patterns of communication, and behavior for that matter, we don’t notice.

I remember one day my daughter said to me, “Mom, you’ve said that before, several times.” Many of you know when I was 14 years old I had an accident that resulted in a Near Death Experience (NDE) with head injuries. As a result of this I have experienced some memory problems. Another result of this trauma was I lost my sense of smell, which also influences memory. A positive from the accident is a definite increase in my intuition. When my brain was injured, my intuitive self took over and now much of how I access information is intuitively.

brain_major_areas

Unless we continually challenge our brain, we can develop memory lapses. Since my daughter’s comment, I have been working on being aware and not repeating myself. Repeating can happen for reasons other than memory problems and brain injury. When one has a history of not being heard, not being listened to by others, they can develop a pattern of repeating. Saying the same thing over and over again can also come from a lack of self-awareness.  It can also be an ineffective way of trying to heal an emotional wound.  You may say the same thing over and over but nothing changes. It would be more effective to change your behavior by accepting a situation or changing your relationship with the problem; forgiving, leaving, setting boundaries and such. Saying the same thing over and over can also be a sign of ADD.

Have you ever had a conversation with a friend, loved one or a co-worker who often repeated the same thing and didn’t focus. Someone with whom you tried to create a plan, but politely getting them to pay attention, listen and commit to a time was near impossible? Instead they just kept telling you all the situations that went on in their day and you were not able to set a meeting.

happy-103959-m

So, how to do you communicate with friends, loved ones and co-workers that are ADD or have ADD 
symptoms?

Listed here are some of the Inattentive Symptoms of ADD; not the Hyperactive Symptoms. This may help you to identify why you’ve had some difficulty communicating with someone. It can clarify why you may have felt frustrated and hopefully will give you some helpful communication solutions for yourself.

Inattentive ADD Symptoms

  • Careless mistakes/lack of attention to details

  • Lack of sustained attention

  • Poor listener

  • Failure to follow through on tasks

  • Poor organization

  • Forgetful in daily activities

  • Avoiding tasks requiring sustained mental effort

  • Losing things

  • Easily distracted

Depending upon how close you are to this person, you may want to research more about ADD and continue to learn.
Here are some simple ideas that may help.

  • Use emails as your primary form of communication to set up meetings. This way you can scan the email quickly for the details about the meeting.

  • Start your conversation with, “I have one minute to plan this meeting.”

  • When the person becomes tangential, politely bring them back to topic. “Oh, I’m sorry, I
have to go, when did you say you could meet?”

  • Give the person 3 clear choices of times.

  • Be willing to set a boundary.

  • If the person won’t be decisive, realize the meeting may not happen and move on.

  • Plan your communication with the person when you have enough time to go through the
process to get the meeting planned.

  • Have a plan B for your time so if their disorganization creates a last minute cancelation, it
won’t disrupt your life.

These are some ideas that may be helpful. Again, if this is someone you live with or a supervisor, I encourage you to find more information on this topic. One book you may be interested in What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don’t?: Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder by Michele Novotni, PhD

How do you deal with ADD in your own life or with people in your life who show symptoms of inattentive ADD?

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Not Giving Up!

September 4, 2014 by @candesscampbell

“It’s probably my job to tell you life isn’t fair, but I figure you already know that. So instead, I’ll tell you that hope is precious, and you’re right not to give up.”          ― C.J. Redwine, Defiance

Chakra 5

 This series of blogs called iwannabeaskinnybitch.combegan July 30, 2014. This has been my journey into health, exercise and weight loss after having a breakthrough in the journal class I was…

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Candess M. Campbell, PHD.

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