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Commitment

by @candesscampbell

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

As stated in the beginning of this year, my word for 2014 is Relationships. This year, my commitment has been to come closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.

pigpenThe reality is, when you are in relationship, and especially when you create a new intimate relationship, all the unfinished emotional business is right in your face. It reminds me of the “PigPen” character from Charlie Brown, except the dust and dirt is literally right in your face!

 

You have to learn to set boundaries, compromise, be compassionate, communication clearly, understand yours is not the only perspective and the list is nearly endless.

Even more than that, when you are in an intimate relationship, it is necessary to become vulnerable. Of course, it is best to choose a partner who is safe so you can be vulnerable! Most of us have been hurt in the past. Staying in “present time” with your new love is important. It is not helpful to treat your current partner as if she or he is going to behave like the one who cheated on you, could not communicate at all, or had a slight attachment disorder and played “come here, go away!”

So a few things to think about in your relationships.

1. You will tend to be happier if you don’t fall in love with potential. When you are evaluating your choices around relationship, ask yourself if you would be happy with this person long term, even if she or he did not change anything at all. Most likely other people don’t change just because we want them to.

2. Speak up in the beginning of the relationship and let your needs be known. Many people don’t rock the boat for fear the other person will leave or not like them; especially in the beginning excitement of the relationship. Tell your partner who you are, what you want and be real about it. Too often I see people keep quiet and then either become angry when the other person doesn’t know what they want. They expect the one they love to be a mind reader. Then they either blow up on the outside and become angry and argumentative or on the inside and become ill and/or passive aggressive. If they leave when you communicate, they are not a good fit. You deserve to be loved for who you are.

3. Opposites may attract, but in the long run, if you don’t have the same interests, it is difficult to stay connected. If you are single and looking for a relationship: look in the places that you already go.

4. And lastly, when your relationship is with your family – understand neutrality and amusement. When there is conflict, see your family from a neutral place. It is not helpful to try to change them or get them to see things your way. Who has been able to change you and change how you think by telling you over and over. Be amused at how they choose to live their life and focus back on yourself and create happiness in your own life.

Commitment

by @candesscampbell

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?” 
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

Relationships may be the most important aspect of your life. This year, my commitment is and has been to bring myself closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.

Truly, I understand with relationships there are so many components. We have to learn to set healthy boundaries, know when to compromise, practice compassion, learn to have clear communication, and to understand it really is all about perspective. The list is nearly endless. Stay tuned as I share with you my process (probably similar to yours,) in the area of relationships.

Often we become inspired by and motivated by the process of others. Join me in exploring and creating healthy relationships.

 

The Heart Chakra

by @candesscampbell

“One love, one heart, one destiny.”    – Bob Marley 

Writing about Love yesterday made me think about the heart chakra. When I was in my own heart, imaging those I love, I realized it was not my heart at all, but really the heart chakra that I focused on.

Many people are not aware of all the incredible information that is stored in the chakras. If you have ever had an intuitive reading from me, you know the power of this experience.

The heart chakra is about the Power of Love. It relates to love, self-love, love of others, love of God (or your own word for the Divine,) affinity, loneliness, commitment, forgiveness, hope and trust.

On my website I have listed detailed information about each of the chakras. Take some time to journal about the fourth chakra and see how you can bring balance into your relationships and into your life.

EnergyMedicineDNA

Most of all though, practice focusing on your loved ones in your heart and experiencing the incredible feeling of love! When you do this you heal your heart and theirs!

Clearing the Past

by @candesscampbell

“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Much of what I have taught over the years has been about manifesting and creating the life you want. In order to do this, often you have to bring the past into present time to heal. What I mean by this is that when you focus on the past and live in the past, your life is controlled by what you felt and thought in the past. What happens is you continue to feel those feelings in the present.  Living in the past leaves no room for what you are experiencing in the present. Living in the past, having your thoughts and feelings consumed by the past, can also control your future. Your past becomes your future.

Living in the past can create depression. 

Living in the future can create anxiety.

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When I talk about healing the past, what I hear most is “how do I do that?” Well, there are many modalities for healing the past. One that I teach is to become aware of the memories and the wounds.  Feel them and change your beliefs around them. Your feelings are a result of your beliefs. Often your beliefs flitter so quickly in your mind, you have difficulty noticing them, grabbing them and examining them.

The ones you can identify is where to start. In your journal, write out a list of people and situations where you have been hurt or angry. Allow yourself to feel your feelings as you remember. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself.

Look at where you may have contributed to the situation. Take inventory of your own actions. You can use the successful process from the Big Book of AA.  When taking inventory, write out where you were selfish, self-centered, frightened, or to blame.

Now, you may not have had any responsibility in the situation, especially if you were a child. In that case, look at what was going on in the other person’s life at the time.

People do the best they can at the time. Sometimes their best is destructive and hurtful to others, but it still is the best they can do with the awareness, teachings and the consciousness they have at the time. Are there some things you would like to do that you don’t do? Are there things you do that you wish you didn’t? Have you behaved in the past in ways you would not behave today because you know better? No one is perfect

Anger is a secondary emotion that covers up pain or fear.

You may have had desires, demands or expectations of someone. Then you find they didn’t either give you what you wanted or they behaved in ways that hurt you.

If this is so and is in the past, in order to heal yourself and move on, you can forgive them. If it is a present situation, then you can make choices on how you choose to handle the situation. If choose to continue to stay in a destructive situation, it is your choice. The responsibility then becomes yours. You cannot blame the other person when you choose to stay. What happens when you blame someone else is, they then have the power to change the situation and you become a victim. When you take responsibility for your choices, you remain empowered and in control of your life.

If you still have a lot of pain or anger about the situation, write out what happened to you. You can write it over and over until the “sting” or “charge” is gone. You may want to read it over and over to a safe, loved one until it is no longer controlling you. You can forgive and move on. This does not mean you agree with what happened, it just means it no longer controls you.

Only you have the ability to clear your past and live fully in present time, thus giving you the power to create the life you want to live.

Clearing frees you to live in present time.

 

Commitment

by @candesscampbell

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?” 
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

As stated in the last blog, my word for 2014 is Relationships. This year, my commitment is to bring myself closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.

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Truly, I understand with relationships there are so many components. There is setting boundaries, compromise, compassion, clear communication, perspective and the list is nearly endless. In this 30 day Blog Challenge, I will share with you about my process (probably similar to yours,) in the area of relationships.

 Hope you have chosen a word for this year as well. It can be one to focus upon to joyfully bring into your life or to focus upon and create a growth spurt. Music was an expansive word for me in 2013. I welcome Relationships in 2014, to challenge me to grow.

Response to Racism

by @candesscampbell

This is a response to last week’s blog which I emailed to my subscribers. I received several comments back and this one, from Dennis Thomas I find important to share.  I agree with him completely and he said it much better than I could have! 

Hello Candess,

I have always enjoyed listening to you or reading some of your work and I am ever grateful that you offer this to me on a regular basis. This message you sent made me pause and consider as I too was raised in a family with a “racist” father as well as two grandfathers that were active members of the KKK and very proud of it. I too went through a time when I needed to make a choice; whether to continue with their stories or to create my own in regards to race and separation. I chose to create my own path, although it alienated some of my family, and moved me towards a better understanding of acceptance. At least that is what I believed.

Now over the many years of observing and watching the goings on of the world, I have moved into a belief that for us to find the Oneness that you mentioned we must not only understand it (clarity) but also experience it (liberation). When we changed our story, which we both chose to do, we decided that racism was bad and non-racism was good. Just a story change, nothing more. When we examined that part of our fathers that we believed was incorrect (racist) and needed healing, we did nothing more than judge one belief over another; my story is more aligned with Truth than my father’s. I am more evolved, more enlightened. In time even that seemed insufficient. I then believed that neither one was wrong. I believed that if I backed away from the “out there” experiences as a silent witness then my state of “awareness” was my actual self and I could see that all of those experiences that were creating happiness or suffering were nothing more than an illusion. I had moved from an actor in the illusion to a being in awareness of the illusion.

A lot of spiritual seekers stop at this point and become observers, believing that all is an illusion (no-thing) and tell themselves that their pain and suffering is not real, yet at the time, it seems real. But the one who has experienced Oneness moves deeper into the Truth and realizes that everything is real and not real at the same time. No-thing, appearing as everything, returning to no-thing. He knows that he is part of everything and everything is part of him; racism, no-racism, terror, pain, suffering, joy, kindness, compassion and so on. All the same stuff, all Truth. No bad, no good, just Being expressing Itself as Being.

We might use the ocean as a metaphor. We are all of the ocean and the individual waves as part of that ocean seem to express a differentiation that leads us towards an idea of separation. Some of the waves might appear as angry and crash into the surf with harsh expression and some of the waves move with the rhythms of the cosmos; in harmony and peace. We want to judge the angry waves as conflicting and disruptive while we accept the others that are more in alignment with our beliefs. But, to find Oneness we must find that part of our Being that knows that all of the waves are nothing more than the ocean itself in its perfection, expressing itself as itself. We must find ourselves in the racist and non-racist, the act of racism, the emotions that evolve from racism and all of the space in between. And, when we find ourselves in all things then we will truly experience Oneness.

I will end this note with a piece from Jeff Foster’s book, The Deepest Acceptance. “The true end of suffering come from the recognition of this total intimacy with life itself- in other words, the deep acceptance of “everything” appearing in experience. In this deep acceptance, mind and heart are one. Nothing is everything; they are never two separate things. Mental clarity and certainty give way to deep acceptance of this moment. And there, the war ends.”

Have a great day, Dennis Thomas, DVM

Wasn’t that great!  My deepest gratitude to Dennis!

Candess