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Chakra Two and Control – Do the Work!

May 16, 2018 by @candesscampbell

This morning in my morning walk I was listening to Caroline Myss’s Energy Anatomy on iTunes. In other writings she refers to the second chakra as the chakra of relationship.

Your second chakra is the sacral chakra associated with sensual movement and with sexuality. The information contained in the second chakra relates to relationship, emotions, intimacy, sexuality, creativity, work and money.

In the audio Myss introduced the second chakra as being about Control. That got my attention. So many of the client issues that come up in my private practice are issues that are housed in the Second Chakra.

Recently I have had some conversations with friends regarding self-reflection and “Doing the Work.” At dinner the other night a friend said, “Maybe they don’t know how do to the work.” This surprised me, but I think he is right. Another friend said that she will answer calls from friends who are in crisis if they also have a counselor and/or health providers who they are working with to heal. This was helpful for me. I realized, although this is oversimplified, people either are in a process of Doing the Work, or they end up in crisis over and over again and reach out in crisis. Once they are over the situation, they go on with their lives until the next crisis. This is exhausting for family, friends and even counselors!

[click_to_tweet tweet=”What it means to Do the Work can be different for different people. ” quote=”What it means to Do the Work can be different for different people. “]

First identify your need for help. Often this shows up when you find you are angry, hurt, or irritated by someone else. It can also be from something that happened in the past that you continue to replay in your mind or feelings. Frustrated you can’t get someone to do something? Focus on yourself!

Here are some ways to Do the Work!

  • Attend regular counseling sessions
  • Meditate with a teacher or group where you are guided to develop
  • Be in a self-help or 12 step group focusing upon your growth
  • Have a regular journal practice where you use a book that guides you in a process of healing

When you Do the Work you

  • Process and heal your feelings
  • Organize your life so you function easily
  • Gain insight
  • Learn tools to help with difficult situation

When I was listening to her audio this morning, I was inspired by Caroline Myss’s information on the Second Chakra. Below are her words and her work!

The second chakra contains

your relationship to Power on the one on one level.

 Your need to control others.

Your need to control events.

Your need to control period.

You fill in the blank. 

It’s your need to control other people, the way things happen, the way people believe.

Now I want you to imagine somebody in your life. Just one person. How many of you can think of one person that you are vitally invested in controlling. Now I want you to imagine why are you so interested in controlling that person. What kind of answer would you give. “Well, that person needs me.” But the truth is what you really are doing is you want to keep that person weak so they need you. You want to keep them weak and damaged and wounded, so they need you. And, that is going to cost you. That will cost you your Spirit.

Now, I’m going to speak Angel to you. This is Angel 101. I’m going to say, what are you doing and you are going to say, “I am investing part of my circuitry with the command, to control that person. I want to influence that person’s thinking process. I want to keep me a vital part of that person’s thinking process. That will cost you a great deal of your energy every day and in every way, you are transmitting a part of your Spirit on mission to infiltrate that person’s energy and likewise I presume there are people equally invested in controlling you. So you are the recipient of energetic information.

 I want you to imagine that your body operates; this system operates the way email does. There is no difference. Every time you have a thought about someone you put it in their email box. Email for Energy Mail. This is good. I like this. It’s literally energetic mail. That is exactly what you are doing. I am convinced that the whole form of the tribal creation of these computer databases, all of that is a complete physical metaphor and creation of what I am talking about in terms of the way we work energetically. We have duplicated ourselves in the computer form. So now we need to learn to play by energetic rules.

 What I am telling you about is your second chakra connects you to everybody and everything you want to control. How many of you have ever even paid attention to what you want to control or how much you invest in what you want to control. You haven’t even got a clue.

 

 

Caroline Myss is talking about becoming aware. That is the first step to Doing the Work.

Other spiritual teachers say the same thing in different ways. Mary Ellen Flora who created the Church of Divine Man teaches that we cannot create in another’s life. If we try to create in someone else’s life, they then have to learn to move us out of their energy field so they can create for themselves.

Abraham Hicks says it’s not helpful to try to change someone. “If they could change, they’d do it themselves.”

Having said all this, if you were to Do the Work, what commitment can you make to yourself?

I like using books and audios to guide me.   A few suggestions are these.

Energy Anatomy by Caroline Myss

Live Intuitively: Journal the Wisdom of your Soul by Candess M. Campbell, PhD

Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

There are so many ways to move into clearing the past and living fully in the moment! Do the Work!

Learn about Chakras, Meditation and reading your energy field!

 

Why People Cheat

April 16, 2014 by @candesscampbell

After attending a wedding in Kolkata last month and exploring arranged marriages and the low rate of divorce in India, it made me think more about divorce, and specifically, why people cheat.

India 2010 094

 

Having been a professional counselor and intuitive reader for many years, I have been privy to the inside of many relationships, at least through the eyes of my client.

In any relationship, the foundation to having a positive and healthy experience is having good self-esteem. Self-esteem is the value one puts on themselves, how they feel about themselves and a belief of how others perceive them.  Many years ago I attended the second weekend workshop of the Landmark Forum. This workshop is geared to assist the participants in becoming more positive in their lives by having a “break-through” in awareness. You might say it is a 3-day coaching program. Although, for the most part, the participants were successful and generally happy people, at the end of the day, hundreds of participants got up and shared from an exercise they completed the underlying issue behind their difficulties was they did not believe they were either worthy or deserving.

Although this was a small sample of the population, it is challenging for me not to generalize to most people. Given this premise, it would make sense that people who are in committed relationships cheat in order to have an external validation of themselves; of their worth and their value.

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It would be remiss of me not to also address our human need to love and be loved. As a counselor who has worked with thousands of people, I have to understand one’s ability to express and receive love through the lens of their history, beginning with the birth experience on. Each person is different in their ability and desire for intimacy and need to experience the other person as a source of love.

When I ask others why people cheat some of the the responses are “to boost their self-esteem,” “because they are selfish,” and “because they are not getting certain needs met by their partner.” This issue is clearly not black and white.

When clients come to me for a session, ready to end their marriage or long-term relationship, often I ask them when they first knew this was not working, or not going to work. More often than not, they say, right away, or the first week, sometimes even the first day. One of the main reasons I believe relationships don’t work, is people do not listen to their intuition in the first place. The intensity of the relationship, the pheromones, adrenaline, sexual attraction replaces not only what they think (red flags,) but also their gut feeling, their own intuition.

 couples

Having said that, once committed, Why Do People Cheat?

Aside from low self-esteem, lack of communication is definitely one of the main issues. In the intensity of the initial meeting and connection, everything about the person is great. If not so great, although not true, the belief is where the other is not what you want, they will change. Small disagreements are soon met with make-up sessions of love and passion. The ability to communicate may never be addressed and the he relationship over time may not deepen. Rather than searching for answers (which you can find online, in books and with counselors, ministers and healers) the person reaches for someone who adores them, finds them attractive, or gives them what they want without any need for clear communication.

With the lack of communication also can come control issues. Some of the ways that one control are not allowing their loved one to have the freedom to spend time with their friends, controlling the money, or not allowing their partner to work outside the home. Passive aggressive behavior may take over and one partner will withhold sex, or become withdrawn and depressed. Not all depression is a form of passive aggressiveness, but it can be for some. These control issues can include verbal, emotional and physical abuse and the controlled partner eventually finds solace in the arms of another.

When one looks for validation from others, they may create an intimate relationship outside the for the sole purpose of identity and self-esteem. One may marry because the other person “looks good” and makes them “look good.” This is the concept of the “trophy wife.” Women often marry men who have power or money. This would be a marriage that has the prostitute archetype activated. There is a trade between the partners. In these cases, the agreement of the marriage does not satisfy the need for love or the intense sexuality that they may crave and so they may have a love partner on the side.

This desire for love and sexual satisfaction can also be a reason one will cheat when there is no longer love or affection in the marriage. After years of being together, the couple may grow apart and feel as if they are “married singles.” They long for connection and to feel young and alive and because the marriage seems to be dead, they find a lover or maybe even fall in love with another person. Then they have the decision to stay in the marriage or leave.

When one falls in love or wants to fall in love again, rather than leaving, they may stay married and cheat because of family religious obligations, not wanting to upset the children or other family members, or financial dependency or security. They feel stuck, yet make a decision on values of one sort, and giving up the value of fidelity. Another reason similar to this, is one who cannot stand up for themselves. They keep quiet and live the life they despise. This again can be from low self-esteem and in these cases often become passive aggressive, thus an affair.

In some cases, I have seen where clients have had affairs because they have a spouse who is ill. They stay in the marriage to care for their loved one and may still be very much in love, but they are not able to get emotional needs met. Financial dependency or family expectations may also be involved and rather than being unhappy, they make the decision to fill themselves up with love from another.

One of the most common situations I have seen has been when someone cheats because of revenge. This can be because they were cheated on, or because their partner is just not doing what they want. They justify their behavior because they are not happy and take no responsibility for creating happiness for themselves.

More recently, it has come out into the open that some people who are gay, marry to create a public presence that is acceptable. This has happened in politics and other areas where one would lose a lot to be open about their sexuality. Many people who were gay married and created families before society began to be more open and continued to hide behind the façade and have love lives separate from their marriage.

And finally, and possibly the most common reason people cheat is love addiction. As a counselor, I am most privy to this. Love addiction is a combination of many of these reasons: low self-esteem, need for validation, often alcoholism and/or drug addiction, anger and vengeance and more. Love addiction can be a dangerous cycle of creating relationship, getting hurt, feeling desperate, finding a new lover immediately, and the cycle starts again.

This article has delved into why people cheat. Hopefully, you begin to think outside the box of right and wrong, the black and white perspective and understand that some reasons are clearly destructive, some freeing and healing and in all cases, difficult decisions to make.

 

This article was previously published in Live Encounters magazine. http://liveencounters.net/?page_id=6969

Changing Your Mood!

April 30, 2012 by @candesscampbell

When in sessions with clients, it is common they share memories and situations from the past. Memories from five, ten, twenty years ago surface as if they were happening right now. I see their feelings and physiology follow their story.

Healing the feelings from the past is important, but often there is the tendency to re-play the past and then the feelings don’t heal. The feelings deepen like water that flows to form a crevice in the sand.

What’s great is that you have control over what you think and this affects your feelings! It takes practice, but you can change this habit.

When you begin to re-play something from the past that is painful or negative. STOP. Think about what was positive about the person or experience. Write it down. This does not undo what you feel they did to you, but it does help free YOU from the past. You are in control!

Try writing about the situation from the outside looking in. Then write it again from the other person’s perspective. This can be amazing!

You have more direct control over changing your thinking than your feelings, so think yourself into feeling happy, joyful and alive!

Candess M. Campbell, PHD.

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