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Angering at someone is rarely effective. Whether you raise your voice, yell, call names or threaten; it’s really not helpful. What happens is people learn to avoid you or to get back at you by being passive aggressive.

Your feelings of anger are real, but anger is a secondary emotion. Anger covers up feelings of pain or fear. When you feel angry, before you start angering out at someone, ask yourself these questions. What am I afraid of? What hurts? Communicating with others directly about your fears and your pain can open the door for a better relationship.

When communicating, people often say, “I feel” when they really mean is “I think.” For instance, you may say “I felt attacked when you said such and such.” What you’re really saying is, “You attacked me.” Another way of saying that might be, “I felt scared,” “I felt paralyzed,” or “I felt hurt when you said such and such.”

[clickToTweet tweet=”Communicating directly about your fear and pain can create better relationships.” quote=”Communicating directly about your fear and pain can create better relationships.”]

It’s really difficult communicating with someone who is unwilling to explore the underlying issues in a relationship. If you find yourself wanting to keep busy and distract yourself rather than dealing with the issue or the relationship, the feelings you’re avoiding become buried. Feelings buried alive staying alive. What happens then is those feelings later surface around a similar issue, generally in an explosive reaction. That’s what it means to become triggered.

I was motivated to write this blog after reading a FaceBook post from a man who was angry and calling another person names because of their political view. That is a big issue here in the US right now. I was curious about this man, so I looked at his profile. He listed his profession as a sports coach to high school students. My immediate thought was do parents know that this person is acting as a coach and mentor to their children?

[clickToTweet tweet=”Be Kind – Be Kind – Be Kind!” quote=”“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” ― Henry James”]

Feelings of anger are normal. If you are often reactive in an anger manner, it’s rare that you would be able to fix this on your own. Therapy can be really helpful and give you an opportunity to vent in a safe place and not at the person you’re angry with. You can learn some coping tools so you don’t damage your relationships. You may also even heal the underlying pain or make changes to clear the fear.

What is really important, especially now that bullying is so prevalent, is we teach our children how to communicate, not by what we say to them but by what they witness us saying and doing to others. Therapy is a luxury that you can’t afford not to give yourself if your anger tears at the fabric of your relationships.

When I was taking classes in Meditation and Healing at the Church of the Divine Man many years ago, they taught about “matching” other people’s energy. An example is, if you are around someone who is angry, you may match him or her and become angry. When you are around someone peaceful, you can match him or her and become peaceful. I have been teaching this in my counseling practice for years and helped clients understand they can change how they feel by becoming aware and making choices.

I remember reading a study in one of my books (which I will find to update this blog) that had three plants. One plant was the control and the plant was watered without any variables. The second plant was watered with water where someone who was very happy and positive held the water for a period of time and the third plant was watered with water that was held for a period of time by someone who was clinically depressed. Of course, the result was the plant watered by the person who was happy grew the most; the control the second and the plant watered by the person who was depressed had stunted growth.

Physics has taught us that everything is energy, including humans, and it makes sense we affect each other in subtle and powerful ways. When I feel blue, a little grumpy, I will put on a CD by someone like Wayne Dyer to raise my mood, to shift my energy. Conversely, when I binge on music from my childhood, such as listening to Sunday Morning Coming Down, I have to pick myself up off the floor!

What inspired me to write this blog is I have been promoting a program called Habit of Attraction developed by Robert Evans. I have put it on FB, Twitter, Launchpad, sent emails and have become excited and energized about this. This morning I thought I may have gone overboard with promotion and sat to figure out what it is about this that “hooks” me.

I became acquainted with Robert when I was in the Next Top Spiritual Author contest. In that program I set up my free membership website, which has become a success for my book 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: The Gift of Pain. Later, I took his Habit of Attraction course and exceeded my financial goal for the year. Currently, I am in the Write Your Mini-book in 7 Days Course and plan to launch my Less is More: Slowing Down in an Over-stimulating World book before the end of the year.

What happens is I get energized and match his energy when I am in programs with him. I see that his working with others who also are spreading messages of love, light, and abundance also energizes him. In his programs, I have been honored to be on phone calls with people I admire like Neale Donald Walsh, the author of Conversations with God and with James Twyman who I admire for this work as a Peace Troubadour.

My focus in my work for years has been to empower others to access their Essence, to realize who they truly are and to manifest their dreams in their lives. This is the work I see Robert Evans doing and I am focused, energized, and motivated by his work. That’s my answer. That is why I am doing this promotion. Now, if you wonder, yes, I have connected with him in an affiliate program. This is one way I can stay connected to this powerful, manifesting energy.

Please take some time to think about who energizes you.

Who helps you become your better Self. Who leads the way and makes it easier for you to excel and manifest your dreams. Think about who it is that drains your energy and leaves you feeling bad about yourself. Sometimes we can’t change who we are around, but we can use those who are motivating and inspiring to bring us back into balance.

Stop Yelling at Me!

Angering at someone is rarely effective. Whether you raise your voice, yell, call names or threaten; it’s really not helpful. What happens is people learn to avoid you or to get back at you by being passive aggressive.

Matching Energy