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Are you a Pack Animal?

by @candesscampbell

I believe it’s our loss of connection with our instinctual side that prevents us from being effective pack leaders for our dogs. Perhaps it’s also why we also seem to be failing at being positive guardians of our planet.

 Cesar Millan  

There have been big changes in my life the last couple months. One of the decisions I made was to shift from my mental health/chemical dependency counseling practice, to being a full time Author, Speaker, and Intuitive Success Coach by the end of 2015. I have been split between the somewhat mainstream candesscampbell.com and the woo-woo energymedicinedna.com selves/sites.

2 (1)Having moved into greater health by changing what I eat, exercising more and taking better care of myself, I realized the undercurrent to my health challenge has been stress. Now this is not new news, as you know, because I write about my adrenal fatigue in my book 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine.

What I realized though is that working as a therapist for over 30 years and not being able to be friends with my clients, although many I would have enjoyed, I have been isolated. There are necessary, but strict boundaries around relationships between therapists and clients. Although I honor this, spending so many hours with clients has left me feeling somewhat sequestered.

I love my work and I spend much of my time serving others. Now, as I increase my focus as an Author, Speaker and Intuitive Success Coach as well as my other spiritual services, I can teach, mentor, support and receive as well.

Last night I taught the Intuitive Souls Chakra Journal Class. The students learned to psychically read their own chakra. Then we journaled from sentence stems I created relating to Chakra One – The Power of Survival.

Domingo

Domingo

Domingo my Cairn terrier mix, was sitting under foot of one of the participants. Someone asked, “What is that noise?” Another woman responded, “It’s fireworks, that is the finale.” I looked at Domingo who by now would be shaking so bad I would be afraid he would have a heart attack. I would be running for the doggy downers. But strangely, he just looked around and was fine. He was sitting in the circle of powerful, loving women. When I shared the story earlier today, I realized that he felt safe because he was a pack animal. We were his pack!

You know what? I think I am a pack animal too! It feels great to be one of the tribe! By the way, being part of a tribe is part of Chakra One!

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If you would like to journal with my Journal Process here are some sentence stems to use.

The memory that haunts me from childhood is . . .

The part of me I have compromised the most is my . . . 

I need others most when . . .

What comforts me the most is . . .

Want to go deeper into this process?

Contact Candess

Grateful for Getting Results

by @candesscampbell

Grateful for Getting Results

“What other people think of you is none of your business.”      – unknown

As much as this quote can be helpful: at times, what people think of me is important! The journey to health, eating less food, making healthier choices and working with a personal trainer is paying off.
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One of my clients today said she could really see a difference in the changes in my body. Last week in one day, three…

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Not Giving Up!

by @candesscampbell

“It’s probably my job to tell you life isn’t fair, but I figure you already know that. So instead, I’ll tell you that hope is precious, and you’re right not to give up.”          ― C.J. Redwine, Defiance

Chakra 5

 This series of blogs called iwannabeaskinnybitch.combegan July 30, 2014. This has been my journey into health, exercise and weight loss after having a breakthrough in the journal class I was…

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Sexual Addiction!

by @candesscampbell


“Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.” 
― Hunter S. Thompson

 

Sexual addiction! What is it? With the accessibility of stimulation through the Internet and mobile phones, there is a lot more exposure to the issue of sexual addiction. In my private practice as a mental health and addictions counselor, more and more clients are showing up who need help from this addiction. Actually it is usually the partner of the addict that is either reaching out for help or giving the addict an ultimatum – get help or else. Whether it be prostitution, pornography or chronic masturbation, it can wreak havoc in their lives and the lives of those they love.  In response to this, the treatment community has begun to use sexual addiction assessments along with alcohol and drug assessments.

Working as a chemical dependency counselor at a Federal prison camp in the mid-1990s, during the “war on drugs,” we began assessing for childhood sexual abuse and past sexual abuse. Nearly all of the female clients had been sexually abused. Some of the men said yes, but I suspect even with the promise of confidentially, they did not admit to this. Many who have been abused don’t remember, but issues show up later in their relationships.

Most of my clients who were diagnosed as sex addicts had been women and men who had a history of past sexual abuse and at some level attempted to find balance and healing, but instead found themselves in relationships where they became sexually addicted and often exploited. Some went on to be sex offenders. One example is a past client I counseled. He had been abused by his older brother and then went on to sexually abuse his nephew.

A leader in the field of Sexual Addition treatment is Douglas Weiss, PhD. This article summarizes the 6 Types of Sexual Addicts, a model he developed, which became the standard used to certify Sexual Recovery Therapists by the American Association for Sex Addiction Therapy.

 

Six Types of Sexual Addicts

1. Biological Sexual Addict

Weiss states this is the most common sex addict. Basically the behavior is “ring the bell, feed the dog, ring the bell, feed the dog” like Pavlov’s conditioning. What happens is during orgasm; the endorphins that are released create an attachment to what is happening at the time. So whether this is a real or imaged person, the chemical release in the brain creates a bond. These endorphins, “almost four times as strong as morphine,” are the highest chemical reward the brain can come by, legally. Therefore, “your brain literally glues to, hungers for, craves, and wants to repeat that activity again.”

Weiss states that the Biological Sex Addict probably represents less than 15% of all sexual addicts, and is the baseline of all the sexual addictions. Most also have components of the other five types.

In my own counseling practice, many of my female clients who have a history of sexual abuse fall for his type of addict. They become the sexual object for them.

2. Psychological Sexual Addict 

This person is often the one who has experienced emotional or physical abuse in his life. Due to the lack of love, touch, or security, as a child he sets up a fantasy life. This sense of neglect can carry on into adulthood and when his needs sare not met at home, he creates a fantasy world where he feels adored, worshiped, and desired. This is the man who fantasizes he is the best, the biggest, the greatest, etc. If he has been dominated in his life he may fantasize as being the one who is dominating.

In his psychological fantasy, he feels sexually powerful, loved and wanted. In his imagination, he doesn’t have to deal with real women who may say no, ask him for commitment, ask for help with the housework or ask for emotional intimacy. Once this fantasy is paired with the powerful chemical endorphins, he is hooked.

3. Spiritual Based Sexual Addict

Similar to the psychological sexual addict, this addict is looking for a connection. There is a strong desire for a spiritual connection. They look to find it within their sexual addiction. In this case, once they have a spiritual experience through a religious encounter, an experience with Jesus or another guide or Guru, the sexual addiction stops. “Their sexual addiction just plain stops, because that’s where the origin of the ache or the need was for the individual.” These people rarely get help within the clinical community.

4. Trauma Based Sexual Addict

The trauma based sexual addict is the client I have most experience with. In this case, he or she has experienced sexual trauma, most likely as a child or adolescent. These clients go on to mirror their trauma in their relationships. For example a young girl who was sexually abused by an older uncle may end up in relationship after relationship with older men. She may despise herself for this, but continue the behavior and recreate the shame. A woman who has been physically abused in conjunction with a sexual trauma may act out being abused in the sexual act in order to be satisfied and make attempt after attempt to find the right partner, shaming herself all the way. She becomes a sexual addict that is also the sexual object of another addict.

5. Intimacy Anorexic

Although a separate issue from sexual addiction, Weiss states intimacy anorexia affects around 29% of sex addicts. Generally, the anorexic behavior is related to “sex addiction, sexual trauma, neglect in the family and cross gender attachment disorder.” There also may be related to other co-occurring disorders. Weiss describes intimacy anorexia as when a “spouse intentionally withholds emotional, spiritual and sexual intimacy.” They may control through silence, anger, or withholding money. They blame their spouse, withhold love, tend to be critical, and are unwilling to talk about their feelings. This is a difficult situation for the addict because as they are working on their own recovery, whether it be abstaining from prostitutes, masturbation, or pornography, they also need to learn to move toward their spouse or partner and re-create a healthy relationship. They have to learn to feel and communicate their feelings.

 6. Mood Disorder

Sexual addicts who also have a mood disorder are another type of sex addict. Weiss shared about clients who were bipolar or had cyclothymic disorder and were medicating the imbalance neurologically through the ejaculation response. Until the medication was adjusted properly, they continued to relapse.

When you hear the term sexual addict, it may conjure up an image of someone being sexual, playful and having fun. The truth is the very opposite. Although the sexual thoughts and behavior may start that way, as in any addiction, the person loses control and their life spirals downward. Sexual addicts generally have low self-esteem and believe no one will love them as they are. They lack emotional intimacy and are continually pre-occupied with sex and sexual fantasies. They feel out of control and experience mood swings. They are filled with feelings of guilt and shame.

You may wonder, how sexual addiction is different from normal sexual behavior.

Weiss explains, “in a normal situation, a person is having sex inside a relationship context. He/she is gluing to the person, the eyes, and the soul of the person he/she is being sexual with.” This is different than having the object of sexual fulfillment being images that do not respond. Addiction creates lack of control, shame, and self-loathing and destroys relationships.

 As with all addictions, recovery is a one-day at a time process. Interventions and treatment planning is different for each specific person. Most often when one is treated for sexual addition, the chances of recovery are better when their spouse or partner is involved.

 In addition to treatment centers like the Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, where Dr. Weiss is the Executive Director, there are also 12 Step Programs such as Sex Addicts Anonymous. https://saa-recovery.org/ There are several other similar programs that provide help.

 The Six Types of Sexual Addicts information came from a written interview of Dr. Weiss by Barbara Alexander and my email communication with him.

 Douglas Weiss, Ph.D., is the Executive Director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center and the author of The Final Freedom: Pioneering Sexual Addiction Recovery (Discovery Press, 2008).

 Heart to Heart Counseling Center 719-278-3708

heart2heart@xc.org.  Website www.sexaddict.com. 

This article was originally published In Live Encounters Magazine! 

Clearing your Space and Mind

by @candesscampbell

Clearing Your Space and Mind

Have you ever noticed that after clearing off your desk or cleaning out your purse or briefcase, you feel a lot more organized? Do you notice that you think more clearly? It is true that your inner mind reflects your outer environment, and your external environment affects your mind. Feng Shui experts teach about the flow of energy and how the placement of objects can affect your life and your health. The chi, or life force, gets stuck, and it can create an imbalance or even illness.

Several years ago, my former husband and I were looking for a home to buy. Our vision was a country home near a source of water. One home we looked at was sitting in a narrow valley between two mountains nearby. When I looked at the placement of the house, I thought energy would get stuck between the two mountains and whoever lived in that house would most likely get sick. I asked the realtor why the couple was selling. He shared with us that both people who lived there were ill and had to move closer to their children. It is important that energy be able to flow and not become stagnant. Sometimes, clutter can stop the movement of energy as well.

Have you ever found out that you bought two or more of the same book, forgetting you already bought it, yet never reading it? Do you have several of the same items or many items that you don’t use? Does the clutter make it difficult to find anything? How about technology? Do you know how to use all the features of your camera, smartphone and computer? Are you so overwhelmed with your electronic toys that you can’t remember how to use them? Maybe you can’t even find them!

The concept of “less is more” does not only mean using what you have, but also learning to live within your means! When you make purchases, focus on quality, not quantity. Use what you have before you buy something new.

Now is the time to make the commitment to clear your space. Notice what you use easily, without effort and regularly. A good rule of thumb is if you don’t use it or love it, give it away or sell it. You can begin by going through your home, room-by-room, and finding three items each day that you really don’t use or need. Create two piles, one “give away” pile and one “sell” pile. If the object is not worth much, you can save money and time by just giving it away to a charity. If you have a business, you can even write the donation amount off on your taxes.

Opportunity

1. Stop right now and set your kitchen timer or watch for 15 minutes. Pick an area of your house that needs some organization. Choose a drawer, bookshelf or even the kitchen table. Chose something that is manageable in a short amount of time. Organize and come back.

That felt great, didn’t it? When you take a 15 or 20-minute time interval, it makes organizing manageable, and the reward is great.

2. Sit and visualize your home. List in your journal the areas you need to clear out. Assign an order to the list and make a commitment to begin the clearing. Start with small areas so you feel successful. Next, pick an area where you feel the most overwhelmed by clutter. Break it down into smaller areas. It can be helpful to have paper bags or plastic containers to put items in that will take longer, such as paperwork or items you might find in a junk drawer. Clear the area, using one bag or container at a time, and either put the things away, give them away or add them to the “sale” pile.

Hint: When organizing paperwork, you can bring the bag into the living room and go through it when you are watching TV, listening to music or at the kitchen table when you are talking with your loved ones.

3. If the idea of touching the mess or moving anything is too much for you, take your journal and use these sentence stems:

I am most overwhelmed when . . .
I feel secure when . . .
If I were organized, I’d be . . .
A simple step I can make today is . . .

4. Call a friend or a family member who can come over and be with you when you organize. This shared energy, even if they don’t help, makes the task seem easier.

5. Set up a family or neighborhood yard sale. As you do this, you will find it easier and easier to let go of items you don’t use. Allow someone to be your muse for organization.
And last, and maybe the best for you, hire a home organizer or even a housekeeper to help you begin this process. It will be well worth the money spent.