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Communication and ADD

by @candesscampbell

Have you ever listened to a friend and thought “Can she even hear herself?”  We all have patterns of communication and behavior that we exhibit to the world. Sometimes you don’t even recognize what you are saying or doing is in direct contradiction to what you believe. Often you will notice someone judging someone else for the very behavior they themselves have! I see this often on social media.

I remember one day my daughter said to me, “Mom, you’ve said that before, several times.” Many of you know when I was 14 years old I had an accident that resulted in a Near Death Experience with head injuries. As a result of this I have experienced some memory problems. Another result of this trauma was I lost my sense of smell, which also influences memory. A positive from the accident is a definite increase in my intuition. When my brain was injured, my intuitive self took over and now much of how I access information is intuitively.

Unless you continually challenge your brain, you can develop memory lapses. Since my daughter’s comment, I have been working on being aware and not repeating myself as often. Repeating can happen for reasons other than memory problems and brain injury. When one has a history of not being heard or have not being listened to by others, they can develop a pattern of repeating. Saying the same thing over and over again can also come from a lack of self-awareness.  It can also be an ineffective way of trying to heal an emotional wound.  You may say the same thing over and over but nothing changes. It would be more effective to change your behavior by accepting a situation or changing your relationship with the problem; forgiving, leaving, setting boundaries and such. Saying the same thing over and over can also be a sign of ADD.

Have you ever had a conversation with a friend, loved one or a co-worker who often repeated the same thing and didn’t focus. Someone with whom you tried to create a plan, but politely getting them to pay attention, listen and commit to a time was near impossible? Instead they just kept telling you all the situations that went on in their day and you were not able to set a meeting.

So, how to do you communicate with friends, loved ones and co-workers that are ADD or have ADD
symptoms?

[clickToTweet tweet=”What are ADD symptoms?” quote=”What are ADD symptoms?”]

Listed here are some of the Inattentive Symptoms of ADD; not the Hyperactive Symptoms. This may help you to identify why you’ve had some difficulty communicating with someone. It can clarify why you may have felt frustrated and hopefully will give you some helpful communication solutions for yourself.

Inattentive ADD Symptoms

  • Careless mistakes/lack of attention to details
  • Lack of sustained attention
  • Poor listener
  • Failure to follow through on tasks
  • Poor organization
  • Forgetful in daily activities
  • Avoiding tasks requiring sustained mental effort
  • Losing things
  • Easily distracted

[clickToTweet tweet=”Get tools to communicate with someone who has Inattentive ADD.” quote=”Get tools to communicate with someone who has Inattentive ADD.”]

Depending upon how close you are to this person, you may want to research more about ADD and continue to learn.
Here are some simple ideas that may help.

  • Use emails as your primary form of communication to set up meetings. This way you can scan the email quickly for the details about the meeting.
  • Start your conversation with, “I have one minute to plan this meeting.”
  • When the person becomes tangential, politely bring them back to topic. “Oh, I’m sorry, I
    have to go, when did you say you could meet?”
  • Give the person 3 clear choices of times.
  • Be willing to set a boundary.
  • If the person won’t be decisive, realize the meeting may not happen and move on.
  • Plan your communication with the person when you have enough time to go through the
    process to get the meeting planned.
  • Have a plan B for your time so if their disorganization creates a last minute cancelation, it
    won’t disrupt your life.

These are some ideas that may be helpful. Again, if this is someone you live with or a supervisor, I encourage you to find more information on this topic. One book you may be interested in What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don’t?   Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder by Michele Novotni, PhD   http://amzn.to/nxks8h

If you have another resource, please share with us!

Kyoto- If I can lift the rock my wish comes true!

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Collaborative Relationships

by @candesscampbell

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.

 Helen Keller

Katie Cavanaugh & Candess M. Campbell

Katie Cavanaugh & Candess M. Campbell

My word for this year is Relationships. Next year I am focusing on Collaboration. My thoughts are wandering that way already and this addresses both Relationship and Collaboration.

What are the 3 most important aspects of a Collaborative Partner for you?

I had a previous experience that taught me this.

  1. Choose a partner that is organized enough that they not only show up for appointments on time, but are able to have timely emails back and forth that are clear and succinct. My previous partner would go back and forth 5 or 6 times when the issue could have been resolved in one email.

  1. Honesty is a must. The partner needs to be emotionally and mentally able to comprehend so they are able to be honest, with their self and with you. This is not always the case. Sometimes people respond to the “stories in their head” and are not able to hear what you are saying. This can be timely and cumbersome.

  1. Willing to commit to a contract. When you have business collaboration, a contract is important. Conversations you have prior to the contract may not be your final agreement. You need to have it in writing. If there are issues that come up after the contract, then amend or have an addendum to the contract. In my previous dealings, my business partner said I had offered something that was not in the contract. I disagreed. I had insisted on the contract and in my next dealings will be more clear that nothing is binding that is not in the contract.

I look forward to continuing to collaborate with my dear friend, Katie Cavanaugh. 

Her wisdom and business coaching has been immense in my life!

Candess M. Campbell, Intuitive Success Mentor

Katie Cavanaugh, Intrepid Success Coach

Unleashed Live!

Give me your feedback on what you find to be important and your experiences!

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Can She even Hear Herself?

by @candesscampbell

 

What I did next was so impulsive and dangerous I should’ve been named ADHD poster child of the year.

 Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

Have you ever listened to a friend and thought “Can she even hear herself?”  We all have patterns of communication, and behavior for that matter, we don’t notice.

I remember one day my daughter said to me, “Mom, you’ve said that before, several times.” Many of you know when I was 14 years old I had an accident that resulted in a Near Death Experience (NDE) with head injuries. As a result of this I have experienced some memory problems. Another result of this trauma was I lost my sense of smell, which also influences memory. A positive from the accident is a definite increase in my intuition. When my brain was injured, my intuitive self took over and now much of how I access information is intuitively.

brain_major_areas

Unless we continually challenge our brain, we can develop memory lapses. Since my daughter’s comment, I have been working on being aware and not repeating myself. Repeating can happen for reasons other than memory problems and brain injury. When one has a history of not being heard, not being listened to by others, they can develop a pattern of repeating. Saying the same thing over and over again can also come from a lack of self-awareness.  It can also be an ineffective way of trying to heal an emotional wound.  You may say the same thing over and over but nothing changes. It would be more effective to change your behavior by accepting a situation or changing your relationship with the problem; forgiving, leaving, setting boundaries and such. Saying the same thing over and over can also be a sign of ADD.

Have you ever had a conversation with a friend, loved one or a co-worker who often repeated the same thing and didn’t focus. Someone with whom you tried to create a plan, but politely getting them to pay attention, listen and commit to a time was near impossible? Instead they just kept telling you all the situations that went on in their day and you were not able to set a meeting.

happy-103959-m

So, how to do you communicate with friends, loved ones and co-workers that are ADD or have ADD 
symptoms?

Listed here are some of the Inattentive Symptoms of ADD; not the Hyperactive Symptoms. This may help you to identify why you’ve had some difficulty communicating with someone. It can clarify why you may have felt frustrated and hopefully will give you some helpful communication solutions for yourself.

Inattentive ADD Symptoms

  • Careless mistakes/lack of attention to details

  • Lack of sustained attention

  • Poor listener

  • Failure to follow through on tasks

  • Poor organization

  • Forgetful in daily activities

  • Avoiding tasks requiring sustained mental effort

  • Losing things

  • Easily distracted

Depending upon how close you are to this person, you may want to research more about ADD and continue to learn.
Here are some simple ideas that may help.

  • Use emails as your primary form of communication to set up meetings. This way you can scan the email quickly for the details about the meeting.

  • Start your conversation with, “I have one minute to plan this meeting.”

  • When the person becomes tangential, politely bring them back to topic. “Oh, I’m sorry, I
have to go, when did you say you could meet?”

  • Give the person 3 clear choices of times.

  • Be willing to set a boundary.

  • If the person won’t be decisive, realize the meeting may not happen and move on.

  • Plan your communication with the person when you have enough time to go through the
process to get the meeting planned.

  • Have a plan B for your time so if their disorganization creates a last minute cancelation, it
won’t disrupt your life.

These are some ideas that may be helpful. Again, if this is someone you live with or a supervisor, I encourage you to find more information on this topic. One book you may be interested in What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don’t?: Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder by Michele Novotni, PhD

How do you deal with ADD in your own life or with people in your life who show symptoms of inattentive ADD?

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Clearing your Space and Mind

by @candesscampbell

Clearing Your Space and Mind

Have you ever noticed that after clearing off your desk or cleaning out your purse or briefcase, you feel a lot more organized? Do you notice that you think more clearly? It is true that your inner mind reflects your outer environment, and your external environment affects your mind. Feng Shui experts teach about the flow of energy and how the placement of objects can affect your life and your health. The chi, or life force, gets stuck, and it can create an imbalance or even illness.

Several years ago, my former husband and I were looking for a home to buy. Our vision was a country home near a source of water. One home we looked at was sitting in a narrow valley between two mountains nearby. When I looked at the placement of the house, I thought energy would get stuck between the two mountains and whoever lived in that house would most likely get sick. I asked the realtor why the couple was selling. He shared with us that both people who lived there were ill and had to move closer to their children. It is important that energy be able to flow and not become stagnant. Sometimes, clutter can stop the movement of energy as well.

Have you ever found out that you bought two or more of the same book, forgetting you already bought it, yet never reading it? Do you have several of the same items or many items that you don’t use? Does the clutter make it difficult to find anything? How about technology? Do you know how to use all the features of your camera, smartphone and computer? Are you so overwhelmed with your electronic toys that you can’t remember how to use them? Maybe you can’t even find them!

The concept of “less is more” does not only mean using what you have, but also learning to live within your means! When you make purchases, focus on quality, not quantity. Use what you have before you buy something new.

Now is the time to make the commitment to clear your space. Notice what you use easily, without effort and regularly. A good rule of thumb is if you don’t use it or love it, give it away or sell it. You can begin by going through your home, room-by-room, and finding three items each day that you really don’t use or need. Create two piles, one “give away” pile and one “sell” pile. If the object is not worth much, you can save money and time by just giving it away to a charity. If you have a business, you can even write the donation amount off on your taxes.

Opportunity

1. Stop right now and set your kitchen timer or watch for 15 minutes. Pick an area of your house that needs some organization. Choose a drawer, bookshelf or even the kitchen table. Chose something that is manageable in a short amount of time. Organize and come back.

That felt great, didn’t it? When you take a 15 or 20-minute time interval, it makes organizing manageable, and the reward is great.

2. Sit and visualize your home. List in your journal the areas you need to clear out. Assign an order to the list and make a commitment to begin the clearing. Start with small areas so you feel successful. Next, pick an area where you feel the most overwhelmed by clutter. Break it down into smaller areas. It can be helpful to have paper bags or plastic containers to put items in that will take longer, such as paperwork or items you might find in a junk drawer. Clear the area, using one bag or container at a time, and either put the things away, give them away or add them to the “sale” pile.

Hint: When organizing paperwork, you can bring the bag into the living room and go through it when you are watching TV, listening to music or at the kitchen table when you are talking with your loved ones.

3. If the idea of touching the mess or moving anything is too much for you, take your journal and use these sentence stems:

I am most overwhelmed when . . .
I feel secure when . . .
If I were organized, I’d be . . .
A simple step I can make today is . . .

4. Call a friend or a family member who can come over and be with you when you organize. This shared energy, even if they don’t help, makes the task seem easier.

5. Set up a family or neighborhood yard sale. As you do this, you will find it easier and easier to let go of items you don’t use. Allow someone to be your muse for organization.
And last, and maybe the best for you, hire a home organizer or even a housekeeper to help you begin this process. It will be well worth the money spent.