partner

Collaborative Relationships

October 21, 2014 by @candesscampbell

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.

My word for this year is Relationships. Next year I am focusing on Collaboration. My thoughts are wandering that way already and this addresses both Relationship and Collaboration.

What are the 3 most important aspects of a Collaborative Partner for you?

I had a previous experience that taught me this.

Choose a partner that is organized enough that they not only show up for appointments on time, but are able to have timely emails back and forth that are clear and succinct. My previous partner would go back and forth 5 or 6 times when the issue could have been resolved in one email.

Honesty is a must. The partner needs to be emotionally and mentally able to comprehend so they are able to be honest, with their self and with you. This is not always the case. Sometimes people respond to the “stories in their head” and are not able to hear what you are saying. This can be timely and cumbersome.

Willing to commit to a contract. When you have business collaboration, a contract is important. Conversations you have prior to the contract may not be your final agreement. You need to have it in writing. If there are issues that come up after the contract, then amend or have an addendum to the contract. In my previous dealings, my business partner said I had offered something that was not in the contract. I disagreed. I had insisted on the contract and in my next dealings will be more clear that nothing is binding that is not in the contract.

I look forward to continuing to collaborate with my dear friend, Katie Cavanaugh.

Her wisdom and business coaching has been immense in my life!

Candess M. Campbell, Intuitive Success Mentor

Katie Cavanaugh, Intrepid Success Coach

Give me your feedback on what you find to be important and your experiences!

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Being the Pole – A Relationship Tool

January 10, 2014 by @candesscampbell

Relationships are fluid and changing all the time. Communication is often a challenge and keeping up with the shifting can be disconcerting. In this video I teach you to “Be the Pole.” It is a great way to stay stable when you have a partner that is either reactive or changing their minds continually. Enjoy!

Listen before it’s Too Late!

January 8, 2014 by @candesscampbell

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

It is an enlightening view, sitting in my chair in my office as a mental health counselor. I am honored to sit with clients as they share about their lives and their relationships. In this process, I see themes unfold.

We have ended the year and are into the New Year. As I look ahead at new beginnings, it reminds me of one of the most common themes. When working with couples, I notice that, for most, by the time they enter my office, it’s too late.

Too often one of them attempted continually to communicate with the other, without being heard. Sadly, I watch their last attempt to keep the marriage together. The partner, let’s say the man, who has not really heard, but has listened as if she was nagging or on a rampage over something, finally understands. It is too late now for him to realize that what she was saying was important. So important, that the marriage is now over. I see him groveling and trying to make sense of it all. In the safety of another person (me) she says, “I’m sorry, but it is just too late.”

Many of us have ended relationships before the New Year. I remember myself, many years ago, sitting outside Nordstroms, having coffee with my lover on December 29^th. I said, “I am sorry, but it’s over.” This was difficult to say and it was painful. I had felt though, that what I said over and over, didn’t matter and I was “pushing the river,” in order to create a change for us. It didn’t work. Once I was honest and ended the relationship; although painful, it was also exhilarating.

When I am with clients and they are suffering over a relationship, I often ask, “when did you first know this was not the right situation for you?” More than I would like to hear, they say, “in the beginning.” If not, they knew years before they decided to make a change.

Whether it be a love relationship, a work relationship or a family situation, “when you begin to lose your voice, your self-esteem, your sense of personal power; it is time to make some kind of a shift.”