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The Ugly Duckling in the Modern World!

by @candesscampbell

“A Belief is just a thought you think over and over again.”

– Abraham-Hicks

The original post was in 2014 and I see that the meaning takes on new life with the political climate at this time and the major planetary changes and clearing that many of us are doing at this time. I’ve made a few changes in the content. Feeling angry, hurt, achy, tired, reactive and having a difficult time adjusting?

You are not alone!

In November 1843, the Hans Christian Andersen’s story, The Ugly Duckling was published in Copenhagen, Denmark. This amazing fairy tale has been read and re-read by adults and children alike, all over the world.

The story, as you probably know, is about a mother duck in a flock of other ducklings. The bird was teased and bullied unmercifully throughout his life, because he looked different and behaved differently. As an adult, the bird sought out and joined a flock of swans finding them to be beautiful birds. Although he expected the same abuse, the swans were open to his joining with them and they accept him. One day this ugly duck saw his reflection in the water and realized he was not an ugly duck at all, but really was a beautiful swan. He found his flock and fit right in. He was transformed.

Common to all of us is the desire to be heard, seen and understood. Many of us can relate to this archetypal story of not fitting in and finding ourselves teased, attacked or excluded.  We continued to look for and hoped to find “our people”, our flock or our tribe. In the journey of doing so, we often changed our opinions or beliefs. Sometimes we gave up our voice and became silent, all in an attempt to fit in.

So often I hear someone telling another person what “the truth” is and insist on what they “should” be doing or thinking. Communication becomes about what is right or wrong. Opinions become polarized and those who do not agree with either the loudest voice or the group voice can be intimidated, shamed or alienated.

Over the years, the precious beliefs developed as young people get lost in the mass of voices and one’s self-esteem takes a hit. So often when working with clients, the undercurrent of their situation is a feeling of being unworthy or undeserving. How others have treated them guides their beliefs about themselves.

What would happen if, instead of stating your opinion and telling someone what you think, you asked the person to explain more about what they were saying? Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how your relationships change if you went into conversations with the sole purpose of understanding their point of view. How would your posture change if you were there just to receive, to just hear the story?

Join me in practicing Listening!

Now, there will be times to share your opinion and have debates of course, and to enjoy the fun and creativity of a dispute, but let’s change it up a bit. Think about a few people in your life that are important to you. Make a conscious choice to have a couple conversations with them where you just “hold the space” for their musings, for their sharing, for how they see the world. Experience them deeply. Look into their eyes and be present to them. Give them the gift of being heard, seen, and understood. Bring them into your fold and see them as the swan they truly are. Allow your loved ones to be transformed by the incredible generosity of your listening.

When “The Secret Doesn’t Work!”

by @candesscampbell

In my niche, there are only a few people I know that have not seen the film The Secret, which came out in 2006.  If you have not seen it, I am sure you’ve seen shows or videos online about manifesting.

“It isn’t working!” exclaim many of my clients! Even when they know what they want to create, when they have clarified every detail, and even created a vision board, they wait and nothing happens. In deeper exploration of this, I realized a problem.

https://youtu.be/EC_YmdPy2h0

What happens when you get clear on what you want?  Are you excited and you match the energy of others who are successful? And then . . . You begin to doubt! All of the sudden, a voice within raises its ugly head saying, “You can’t do this.” You may think others can do it but not you or that you are doing it wrong. You may think you are not doing it long enough, hard enough, right enough. Then all the questions come up. What are you going to do with . . . What would you do about . . . What will others think? You’ll have to change everything; where you live, how you dress, where you go, your friends. . . it all hits at once.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Open your arms and heart and allow the Universe to gift you with your greatest desires!” quote=”Open your arms and heart and allow the Universe to gift you with your greatest desires!”]

What do others do who are successful? Well, a couple of things. One is they “do the work” and get underneath the issues that create this fear, increase their self-esteem, find support in groups of people who are similar, or they feel the fear they experience and do it anyway.

One way to do the work is to write out what you hear yourself saying and challenge it! An example from my own life is when I started filming the Reality TV Show for Soul Ltd. My biggest fear was what do I wear? If you are reading this I am offering a free download of my Abundance mp3. You can find it under products and use the coupon code 2015AbundanceGift. Enjoy! My mantra was I would live in my pajamas if I could. I boasted that I defended my dissertation with my adviser and others from the University over the Internet wearing my pajama bottoms. I did dress professional from the waste up!

What I told myself to calm my fears was, “I will be who I am. I love being comfortable and relaxed.” For 95% of the time, I can be in my pajamas or wear comfortable clothing. I can go make-up free and just be! I realized it was only for a small fraction of time I need to prepare for the camera. Only a small percentage of time I needed to be “on!” Once I understood this, I took a deep breath and realized there could be a million reasons I could make up not to take the next step. This was only one excuse. Once I understood that I do have control over my thoughts and actions, I was relieved.

[clickToTweet tweet=”You only have to learn to receive! ” quote=”You only have to learn to receive! “]

The second way to deal with this fear is to feel it and do it anyway. Now many of us have heard this before, but how do you do it? What I have learned to do when I felt fear is to sit down and close my eyes. I focused on my breath and relaxed myself. Then I brought my attention up out of my crown chakra at the top of my head up into the heavens. From there I looked down at myself and saw that I was “running fear” in my body. It was easy to see from above that my body had some responses that were irrational. I felt compassion for myself and understood it was just a physiological and emotional response. I noticed what I was feeling and allowed myself to witness myself from above. This fear is similar to when someone comes up from behind you and startles you or how you react immediately to a bee landing on you or when you see a spider. This is only a quick reaction. Soon it will pass.

So to recap – When you are creating a goal in your life, or when you are setting an important intention, negative self-talk may appear.

 

  1. Write out what you hear yourself saying and challenge it. It is important to write it out because you have more control over your thinking when you write.

 

  1. Sit down and close your eyes. Focus on your breath and relax. Bring your attention up out of your crown chakra at the top of your head up into the heavens. Look down at yourself and see yourself. From this distance you see that you are fearful or “running fear” in your body. Send compassion to yourself and allow yourself to be comfortable with the fear. You CAN create in your life what you desire the most!

 

You can do it!          

Now you only have to learn to receive!

 

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Who Has your Back?

by @candesscampbell

When watching TV I heard “I never knew what it felt like for someone to have my back.” Now, I have heard the phrases “have your back” and “have my back” a lot recently, but the way she said it stirred up some thoughts for me. Whose back do I have and who has my back?

Friends and family are very important, but as much as we wished friends and family would be there for us in a crisis, are they truly there? Are you there for your friends and your family?

In my practice as a mental health counselor, intuitive coach and psychic medium, I often talk with clients about two situations in their life. One is asking for what they need and the other is about setting boundaries. I will discuss boundaries in a later writing.

Healthy relationships are relationships where there is a healthy exchange of energy. When one person does it all, carries all the weight, eventually this person will become resentful or lose their power and become ill.

When one takes and takes without giving back, eventually people around them either leave the relationship or the one who takes without giving back ends up suffering from low self-esteem. This could be masked by an arrogant or narcissistic attitude, but nevertheless, when they are alone, they do not feel good about themselves. They begin to focus externally on what they own, what they have and what they do. Then somehow who they are gets lost.

This spring as you get out more, think about your relationships and whether they are balanced or not. William Glasser says we all have four basic needs. They are for Power and Worth, Love and Belonging, Freedom and Fun. Take some time to write out a list of your friends and your family. Next to each name write out on a scale from one to ten with ten being the most fulfilled, how much does this relationship satisfy your need for Power and Worth, Love and Belonging, Freedom and Fun?

You may even want to talk with your loved ones and see how much you satisfy their needs in this area as well. Is it possible that you spend most of your time talking and complaining and not listening to them at all?

When you are involved in a healthy relationship you can ask for what you need from the other person. If they are not able to meet this need, they can say so and you are free to get your need met elsewhere. You are able to depend on them to be there for you when they can. At times friends and family choose to do things they do not want to do because they love you and support you. It is essential they can also say no when they do not want to do what you ask.

[clickToTweet tweet=”When you are in a healthy relationship you can ask for what you need!” quote=”When you are in a healthy relationship you can ask for what you need!”]

Walking the Spokane River with Cheyenne!

It is common for women in particular to do what they don’t want to do because they are afraid of losing a friend or lover. And it is true this may happen. But if this is the case, it is important to re-evaluate the relationship. Is fear the motivating factor in your relationship?

This issue is important to me at this time in my life. As I look back over the last few years, I realize that my push to get my doctorate, publish my books and carry on a full-time private practice, left me depleted and I had very little time or energy for my friends. I realized how important self-care is not only to me, but my commitment to take care of myself affects my friends as well.

Do you have a friend in your life that takes on too much, is always pushing the envelope, or living within the margins as I wrote in an earlier blog. Could this be the way you are living your life?

Evaluate your friendships and family relationships and see what you can do to move them into balance. If you give too much, allow yourself to pull back and give to yourself, time and space. If you find you have been selfish and not given to friends at all, allow yourself to “get out of yourself” and give to those you love.

Enjoy journaling! A few Soul Stems to play with!

The person who has my back is . . .

I am out of balance in my relationship with . . .

If I felt (name) had my back then . . .

Take the time to have your own back as well!

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The Victim Archetype

by @candesscampbell

In the last blog I gave you  some information about the Saboteur Archetype and encouraged you to use the information to explore within yourself in the privacy of your journal. Today, I am focusing on the Victim Archetype.  This information comes from information from Caroline Myss’ work in her Sacred Contracts book and the classes I took from her on Medical Intuition and Sacred Contracts. I have also added information that I have gained from working as a mental health counselor and chemical dependency professional for over 20 years.

Remember that we all have 4 archetypes that we share. These are the Child, Victim, Saboteur and Prostitute.  Each of these archetypes have a positive side to them and with the Victim it is Self-Esteem. This would be the other side of the victim.  

In the process of your journey and self-healing, you have to come to terms with your victim self and move beyond this state of being. You can identify your victim, confront the behavior, love and forgive yourself and bring your energy into present time. In fact, unless you can bring at least 80% of your energy into present time, you will not have the power to self-heal. What do I mean by bringing yourself into present time? Watch your thoughts. Do you go off to the future (which can create anxiety) or drift off to the past (which can cause depression) or are you able to be present in the moment?

If you journal, this will give you a great opportunity to explore your inner life journaling from these characteristics. You may want to use my book Live Intuitively: Journal the Wisdom of your Soul when you explore deeper. You can use the Soul Stems, which are writing prompts to take you deeper into your Self!

Victim Archetype

Guardian of Self Esteem

Core issue is whether it is worth giving up your own sense of empowerment to avoid taking responsibility for your independence.

  • When you don’t stand up for yourself after awhile you no longer can tell the difference whether you are being victimized or not; so either you are being victimized and don’t know it or you are not being victimized, but act as if you are.
  • The victim archetype helps you decide what you will or will not do; a guardian of personal boundaries.
  • Lessons associated with the victim archetype demand that you evaluate your relationship to power, especially with people with whom you have control issues and have to set boundaries.
  • Primary objective is to develop self-esteem and personal power.
  • You have contracts with people whose primary purpose is to help you develop yourself-esteem through acts of honesty, integrity, courage, endurance and self-respect.
  • The victim will entice you to feel sorry for yourself.
  • You can act like a victim and give in or call upon your companions and guides for help.
  • Like the lion in the Wizard of Oz, you need to have the courage to look at your victim and make it your ally.
  • Do you victimize yourself in the way you interpret conversations with other people?
  • Does your victim alert you to protect yourself rather than letting people take advantage of you?
  • Does your victim motivate you to be shrewd in the dealings of whatever house it is in?
  • Does your empowered victim allow you to take risks in your life?
  • The victim urges us to act appropriately when we are in danger of being victimized.
  • The victim can alert us to being victimized through passivity and rash or inappropriate actions.
  • It can also alert us to how we victimize others for personal gain.
  • In shadow it may show how we play victim for sympathy or pity.
Here is the Soul Stem Process and a few Soul Stems to work with.
 
The relationship that controls me the most is . . .
 
If I were empowered I would . . .
 
I need to stop focusing upon . . .
 
If I could, I would . . .
 
Enjoy the process of deepening your relationship with yourSelf!
 

Purchase a 30 or 60 minute reading with Candess today.

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The Ugly Duckling

by @candesscampbell

“A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.” 
― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

November 1843, Hans Christian Andersen’s story, The Ugly Duckling was published in Copenhagen, Denmark. This amazing fairy tale has been read and re-read by adults and children alike, all over the world.

duckThe story, as you probably know, is about a baby bird raised by a mother duck in a flock of other ducklings. The bird was teased and bullied unmercifully throughout his life, because he looked different and behaved differently. As an adult, the bird sought out and joined a flock of swans finding them to be beautiful birds. Although he expected the same abuse, the swans were open to his joining with them and they accept him. One day this ugly duck saw his reflection in the water and realized he was not an ugly duck at all, but really was a beautiful swan. He found his flock and fit right in. He was transformed.

Common to all of us is the desire to be heard, seen and understood. Many of us can relate to this archetypal story of not fitting in and finding ourselves teased, attacked or excluded. We continued to look for and hoped to find “our people”, our flock or our tribe. In the journey of doing so, we often changed our opinions or beliefs. Sometimes we gave up our voice and became silent, all in an attempt to fit in.

So often I hear someone telling another person what “the truth” is and insist on what they “should” be doing or thinking. Communication becomes about what is right or wrong. Opinions become polarized and those who do not agree with either the loudest voice or the group voice can be intimidated, shamed or alienated.

Over the years, the precious beliefs developed as young people get lost in the mass of voices and one’s self-esteem takes a hit. So often when working with clients, the undercurrent of their situation is a feeling of being unworthy or undeserving. How others have treated them guides their beliefs about themselves.

What would happen if, instead of stating your opinion and telling someone what you think, you asked the person to explain more about what they were saying? Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how your relationships change if you went into conversations with the sole purpose of understanding their point of view. How would your posture change if you were there just to receive, to just hear the story?

I invite you in the month of December, and hopefully throughout the next year, to practice “just listening.”

Now, there will be times to share your opinion and have debates of course, and to enjoy the fun and creativity of a dispute, but let’s change it up a bit. Think about a few people in your life that are important to you. Make a conscious choice to have a couple conversations with them where you just “hold the space” for their musings, for their sharing, for how they see the world. Experience them deeply. Look into their eyes and be present to them. Give them the gift of being heard, seen, and understood. Bring them into your fold and see them as the swan they truly are. Allow your loved ones to be transformed by the incredible generosity of your listening.

Previously published in Live Encounters Magazine

The Victim Archetype

by @candesscampbell

“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself.

The challenge is to silence the mind” 

 Caroline Myss

Previously I shared information about the Child Archetype and asked you to look at your relationship with others and integrate this information so you can see how you “show up” in relation to others. Today I will share about the Victim Archetype. The gift of the Victim Archetype is Self-Esteem.

According to the teachings of Caroline Myss there are 4 main archetypes we all share. They are the Child, Victim, Saboteur and Prostitute.

This information comes from information from Caroline Myss’ work in her Sacred Contracts book and the classes I took from her on Medical Intuition and Sacred Contracts. I have also added information that I have gained from working as a mental health counselor and chemical dependency professional for over 20 years.

In the process of self-healing, you have to come to terms with your victim self and move beyond this state of being. You can identify your victim, confront the behavior, love and forgive yourself and bring your energy into present time. In fact, unless you can bring at least 80% of your energy into present time, you will not have the power to self-heal. What do I mean by bringing yourself into present time? Watch your thoughts. Do you go off to the future (which can create anxiety) or drift off to the past (which can cause depression) or are you able to be present in the moment?

Enjoy exploring this archetype that can bring you high self-esteem once you embrace this part of yourself and move on!

Victim Archetype

Guardian of Self Esteem

Core issue is whether it is worth giving up your own sense of empowerment to avoid taking responsibility for your independence.

When you don’t stand up for yourself after awhile you no longer can tell the difference whether you are being victimized or not; so either you are being victimized and don’t know it or you are not being victimized, but act as if you are.

  • The victim archetype helps you decide what you will or will not do; a guardian of personal boundaries.
  • Lessons associated with the victim archetype demand that you evaluate your relationship to power, especially with people with whom you have control issues and have to set boundaries.
  • Primary objective is to develop self-esteem and personal power.
  • You have contracts with people whose primary purpose is to help you develop yourself-esteem through acts of honesty, integrity, courage, endurance and self-respect.
  • The victim will entice you to feel sorry for yourself.
  • You can act like a victim and give in or call upon your companions and guides for help.
  • Like the lion in the Wizard of Oz, you need to have the courage to look at your victim and make it your ally.
  • Do you victimize yourself in the way you interpret conversations with other people?
  • Does your victim alert you to protect yourself rather than letting people take advantage of you?
  • Does your victim motivate you to be shrewd in the dealings of whatever house it is in?
  • Does your empowered victim allow you to take risks in your life?
  • The victim urges us to act appropriately when we are in danger of being victimized.
  • The victim can alert us to being victimized through passivity and rash or inappropriate actions.
  • It can also alert us to how we victimize others for personal gain.
  • In shadow it may show how we play victim for sympathy or pity.

Join with me in delving into this Victim Archetype in your journal! Here is a helpful journal process.

Need help understanding your archetypes?  Schedule an appointment!