Energy Medicine DNA

Call your Psychic!

Commitment

by @candesscampbell

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

As stated in the beginning of this year, my word for 2014 is Relationships. This year, my commitment has been to come closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.

pigpenThe reality is, when you are in relationship, and especially when you create a new intimate relationship, all the unfinished emotional business is right in your face. It reminds me of the “PigPen” character from Charlie Brown, except the dust and dirt is literally right in your face!

 

You have to learn to set boundaries, compromise, be compassionate, communication clearly, understand yours is not the only perspective and the list is nearly endless.

Even more than that, when you are in an intimate relationship, it is necessary to become vulnerable. Of course, it is best to choose a partner who is safe so you can be vulnerable! Most of us have been hurt in the past. Staying in “present time” with your new love is important. It is not helpful to treat your current partner as if she or he is going to behave like the one who cheated on you, could not communicate at all, or had a slight attachment disorder and played “come here, go away!”

So a few things to think about in your relationships.

1. You will tend to be happier if you don’t fall in love with potential. When you are evaluating your choices around relationship, ask yourself if you would be happy with this person long term, even if she or he did not change anything at all. Most likely other people don’t change just because we want them to.

2. Speak up in the beginning of the relationship and let your needs be known. Many people don’t rock the boat for fear the other person will leave or not like them; especially in the beginning excitement of the relationship. Tell your partner who you are, what you want and be real about it. Too often I see people keep quiet and then either become angry when the other person doesn’t know what they want. They expect the one they love to be a mind reader. Then they either blow up on the outside and become angry and argumentative or on the inside and become ill and/or passive aggressive. If they leave when you communicate, they are not a good fit. You deserve to be loved for who you are.

3. Opposites may attract, but in the long run, if you don’t have the same interests, it is difficult to stay connected. If you are single and looking for a relationship: look in the places that you already go.

4. And lastly, when your relationship is with your family – understand neutrality and amusement. When there is conflict, see your family from a neutral place. It is not helpful to try to change them or get them to see things your way. Who has been able to change you and change how you think by telling you over and over. Be amused at how they choose to live their life and focus back on yourself and create happiness in your own life.

Commitment

by @candesscampbell

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?” 
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

Relationships may be the most important aspect of your life. This year, my commitment is and has been to bring myself closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.

Truly, I understand with relationships there are so many components. We have to learn to set healthy boundaries, know when to compromise, practice compassion, learn to have clear communication, and to understand it really is all about perspective. The list is nearly endless. Stay tuned as I share with you my process (probably similar to yours,) in the area of relationships.

Often we become inspired by and motivated by the process of others. Join me in exploring and creating healthy relationships.

 

Commitment

by @candesscampbell

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?” 
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

As stated in the last blog, my word for 2014 is Relationships. This year, my commitment is to bring myself closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.

IMG_0027

Truly, I understand with relationships there are so many components. There is setting boundaries, compromise, compassion, clear communication, perspective and the list is nearly endless. In this 30 day Blog Challenge, I will share with you about my process (probably similar to yours,) in the area of relationships.

 Hope you have chosen a word for this year as well. It can be one to focus upon to joyfully bring into your life or to focus upon and create a growth spurt. Music was an expansive word for me in 2013. I welcome Relationships in 2014, to challenge me to grow.

Amusement and Neutrality – A true holiday gift!

by @candesscampbell

As much as the holidays are times of gratitude, giving and getting together with our loved ones; I have been a therapist too long not to know, they can also be stressful.

When you are with your family and friends for holiday gatherings, and especially when you are not usually spending this amount of time with them, the rules of behavior change.

I spend a lot of time teaching about setting healthy internal and external boundaries. For instance, having a good internal boundary and not over-disclosing, especially with people you just met, is a good idea. Setting boundaries with those who are inappropriate, mean, rude or hurtful is also important.

In the case of the holidays though, when you are together with a group (even family) that you are not around much, sometimes rather than setting a boundary it may be better to be neutral.

holiday

The reason I say this is the holidays are a time to be harmonious, grateful, share a meal together, and exchange gifts. It is also the time to celebrate in the way that you choose, depending upon your religious and spiritual beliefs.

Setting boundaries are important and come from high self-esteem. Setting boundaries in front of a group though, during a holiday gathering, can make everyone uncomfortable. We have all seen sit-coms where the holiday dinner explodes in chaos and accusations. Even with all the humor, if the television show mirrors your family; it can be awkward for everyone.

Rather than having a witness or an audience to your dilemma with someone, it may be better to communicate with the person in private at another time. So rather than reacting to the one person who “ruins it for everyone,” you may want to try this.

This is a neutrality/amusement practice that I teach in my meditation class called The Center of the Head. The more you practice this now, the easier it is to do when you are in the middle of a situation and need to choose to react or detach.

meditation

Close your eyes and take a big breath from deep in your belly. Bring your attention to the center of your head. This is behind your eyes and up a bit and between your ears. This is your own sacred space. Now open your eyes and notice the difference when you look out from this place. Close your eyes again and bring yourself into the center of your head. From this place, now with your eyes closed and later with them open, when you look out, you can see other people and situations from a place of neutrality. It is like watching a movie.

What others are doing does not have to affect you personally. It is just one scene in the entire film. You can look at what is happening around you with amusement. Think about how it is others are behaving and see the amusement in it all. Say to yourself, “this is an interesting way to do that.” It may not be how you would do it, but you see them with neutrality and amusement.

So, when you are with others around the holidays, when needed, bring yourself into the center of your head. Look out at the people and situations and as you are involved with them, practice being neutral and being amused. You always have this sacred place within yourself and you do not have to be involved with others when they cross your boundaries, or the boundaries of others. If someone brings up an old “story” that may be thrown at you in a prickly way, you can just remain neutral and be amused. You can wonder why it is they continue to stay stuck in the past, and just watch with amusement. You do not have to affect change or correct anyone this holiday season. You can just take time to be loving, gifting and care for yourself by practicing neutrality and amusement. This may be the best gift of the holiday!

Amusement and Neutrality – A true holiday gift! was originally published on Energy Medicine DNA