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The Bully Archetype

by @candesscampbell

This blog was originally published on this site in September 2015. I thought it would be good to re-publish it. There were no changes made to the original post.

The creativity of your subconscious mind not only shows up in dreams, but also shows up as archetypes in your life. Archetypes are overlying patterns that show up in all cultures that are seeded in the psyche. Some examples of archetypes are mother, judge, teacher and healer. When you begin to look at these patterns in your life, you can unleash your creative energy. You can access your natural path, heal your wounds and move toward your Divine Soul purpose.

Today we will explore the Bully Archetype. It is actually situations in my own life, well situations that I am privy to, that stimulate this writing on the Bully. The scope of the Bully archetype is massive. There is bullying in the workplace, on college campuses, in schools and schoolyards and as seen in the news on a daily basis today, there are bullies attempting to take over countries!

When looking at the psyche and bullying, there is even the issue of bullying yourself and internally beating yourself up. There is so much about this archetype that can be explored. This article is taking a small slice of the issue and will focus on parents who bully their children. This may be a difficult topic to read about, but I think you will find it valuable.

Recently, when listening to others share stories, the topic of abusive yelling has surfaced over and over again. As an adult, if someone yelled at me, I would just walk away. Children don’t have the ability to do this. The response is generally to shut down and be quiet, to fight back, or to get revenge.

Photoshop Backup 7 577What is bullying and why do people bully? First of all there is a difference between bullying and having the bully archetype. There may be periods of time where someone uses bullying in his or her life and then learns skills to behave more appropriately. Having the bully archetype is when this tendency becomes a strong part of their personality. It becomes a pattern that directs their behavior in an attempt to dominate another person or ultimately, to control their own coward within.

Bullies often use threats or coercion to gain power over another. They will intimidate and be abusive. Sometimes the bully will use physical power to dominate, but here I want to look at the emotional abuse of bullying.

Children especially are vulnerable and parents, in an attempt to control them may use yelling and threatening. They may resort to name-calling, shaming, and other aggressive measures. The reality is, in their attempt to control the child, they are really only showing that they themselves are out of control.

So what happens to these children who are bullied at home? One response is to become quiet and withdraw. On the outside they may appear to become a well-adjusted, compliant child, but on the inside they have a mind of constant negative self-talk. This self-talk can be anger directed at their parent, but more often, it is directed at themselves. This internal abuse becomes a survival technique. In their own attempt at gaining some control they use self-abuse. In some cases this is not just abusive self-talk, but turns into using sharp objects to physically cut on themselves. This may be to release the pain they feel. They want to let it out. When they do this, they may think no one else can hurt them as much as they can hurt themselves. The parent’s response to this may be to use force to try to control the child even more. They blame the child (the victim of the bullying) rather than looking at and owning their own behavior.

Some children become compliant and work hard so they are not abused. These children excel in school, on the football team and become the leaders in their community. They develop manipulative skills that serve them at home and in other areas of their lives. As adults these skills can go either way. They can help them catapult to the top or eventually destroy their relationships and career.

Sometimes children end up not using their full potential. They may be extremely bright, but end up with low grades. They may have mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, or behaviors such as over-eating or using drugs. Turning their fear, hurt and anger inward eats them alive. When these children become adults, these old wounds begin to surface in their relationships, their jobs, and in their health.

Another way that children survive is to rebel and fight back. What happens here is there is continual yelling, conflict and fighting between the child and the parent. It becomes a battle of the wills. The children may also run away to get away from the situation. These children often go on to bully others, including their siblings. Although they fight to gain power, ultimately the parent has the power because they control the money and the access to the child’s fun and freedom. For children, other than their need for love, their need for fun is essential. In this case the parent continues to be out of control and the child continues to suffer from emotional abuse.

Another way children respond the to bullying is to get revenge. There are several ways they do this. One is directly by breaking something of value to the parent. They may also “tell on” the parent. In this case they may tell their friends, reach out to a teacher, a neighbor, a relative or even the police. They may also share in front of others something embarrassing that the parent did. Often this is difficult for the child because, even though they are angry and feel the parent isn’t fair, they also feel at fault.

Another way they get revenge is indirectly through passive aggressive behavior. Passive aggressive behavior is a way that people express their anger, frustration or hostility indirectly. The child may not finish their chores or move really slowly when the parent is in a hurry. They could pick at something like a lampshade making small holes in it that are not noticeable to their dad. Children who underachieve may be being passive aggressive, especially if the parent has a high need for them to excel. Other passive aggressive behaviors are using sarcasm, being stubborn, or procrastinating. Whatever would get back at the parent without immediate repercussion gives them some sense of power.

So what should a child do when they have an abusive or bullying parent? It is important that they find a safe adult who can help them. As a reader of this article, I ask you to be aware of the children around you and to make sure that they know you are a safe adult. Talk to the children around you and get to know them. Build a rapport so they understand that you are someone they could trust and depend upon. You never know if the child is secretly suffering in her own home.

What if you find that you have the Bully Archetype fully active in your own life at this time? Whatever situation you find yourself in, if you find that you are yelling, name-calling, taking or breaking someone else’s belongings, or even pushing and shoving or other violence, it is important to get help!

There are so many resources for you. One I would suggest first is to find a counselor or a minister that you can confide in. Counselors will provide you with a safe place to learn how to manage your anger and to gain better control in your own life. If you have a child that is difficult to manage, a counselor can assist you with some parenting skills. What happens is the more out of control you feel, the more you try to solve the problem yourself and the less likely you are to resolve the issue. Remember the bully in you, the bully archetype is covering for the inner coward. It takes courage to reach out and get assistance. Seeing a counselor becomes a confidential place for you to share and it is the counselor’s job to listen, support, teach and provide resources for you.

Another resource in addition to counseling is to educate yourself about the problem. Search for books on dealing with your anger. The first step to changing a behavior is identifying it and owning it. You will be amazed at the relief you feel when you start to learn simple steps to shift the pattern that has taken over your life. If you find you are bullying someone, then you too are certainly bullying yourself in the process.

The Bully archetype may or may not be a significant archetypal pattern for you. If it is, remember archetypes cross cultures from the beginning of time and so you are not alone. This is a pattern that can be balanced. The positive attribute of the bully archetype is learning to become courageous. As you reflect, take notes on this and other archetypes you identify with. Notice what thoughts, feelings, and memories have surfaced for you when reading this article. Think about how others see you. Is there something you noticed that is blocking you from your Divine Soul Purpose?

This article was first published in Live Encounters Magazine.

 

The Lover Archetype

by @candesscampbell

The creativity of your subconscious mind not only shows up in dreams, but also shows up as archetypes in your life. Archetypes are overlying patterns that show up in all cultures that are seeded in the psyche. Some examples of archetypes are mother, judge, teacher and healer. Today we will explore the Lover. When you begin to look at these patterns in your life, you can unleash your creative energy. You can access your natural path and move toward your Divine Soul purpose.

Leonard Cohen’s song Lover, Lover, Lover, rings in my ears as I explore the Lover Archetype in this series on archetypes.

“May the spirit of this song, may it rise up pure and free. May it be a shield for you, a shield against the enemy,” Cohen purrs. Love, being in love, being a lover brings forth not only the purity, freedom, passion, but also the enemy within: the jealousy, possessiveness, control and codependency. These are the sun and the shadow sides of the Lover archetype.

We all have an aspect of the lover archetype within, but I imagine when you think of your friends and loved ones, someone who embodies this archetype comes to mind. Whether they are passionate about life, about their relationships, or have a great passion for music, art or gardening, you can identify them right away

If your creative energy is connected to the Lover archetype, you may find that you sacrifice much for your ideals. It may be that others think you don’t live in reality, or that your view of the world through the lens of your heart is not realistic. The lover may characterize you as genuine, happy and giving to others. The shadow side could manifest as obsessive, possessive and scary.

There is also something about the Lover archetype that draws us deep into a sense of suffering. Think about the suffering artist, the struggling musician, and the one who gave up everything for love.

As morose as it may seem, my favorite song, another of Cohen’s greats, is Joan of Arc. Cohen is a contemporary musician who clearly understands passion.

It was deep into his fiery heart
he took the dust of Joan of Arc,
and then she clearly understood
if he was fire, oh then she must be wood.
I saw her wince, I saw her cry,
I saw the glory in her eye.
Myself I long for love and light,
but must it come so cruel, and oh so bright?

It was Carl Gustav Jung, who was the father of analytical psychology who gave us the concepts of the archetypes, as well as the collective unconscious and the understanding of introversion and extroversion. He identified the shadow side of the archetype as the part that was relegated to the subconscious because, due to its negative qualities, it was not easily integrated into the personality. In psychoanalytic therapy and in dream work, it is important to access the shadow and bring it into the light so that it does not gain power and cause you to subconsciously behave in ways that can be self-defeating or damaging to others.

We know of many instances where the shadow side of love has been destructive. One example would be of Guinevere and Lancelot. Guinevere was married to King Arthur and had an affair with Sir Lancelot. Lancelot was a knight, one of King Arthur’s favorites. This indiscretion leads to the undoing of the Round Table.

What about one’s love for their country? This can also be an outpour of the Lover Archetype. With this strong passion, one can get caught up in an uprising that can end up in disaster or war. The obsessiveness of the shadow side of love can be all encompassing.

Some of our greatest discoveries have come from those who gave their lives to find a cure, understand a formula, and take a passionate stand. In today’s world, workaholism can show up as an expression of the lover archetype. Creativity abounds when you love what you do! The shadow side of this may be neglected relationships or declining health.

It is time to examine your own life and find what stokes your fire. For whom or what would you be willing to give up everything? Whether you actually do it or not, what do you love to do the most? When you look back over your life, where has passion been the driving force behind your choices? Who makes you angry? What would you fight for? Where do you find your bliss?

The Lover may or may not be a significant archetypal pattern for you. As you reflect, take notes on other archetypes you identify. Think about how others see you. Is your career representative of one of your archetypes? For example a strong archetype for me is the Teacher. Interwoven in my life and career is being a Spiritual Teacher. It comes natural to me. What would you do with your time if you had unlimited resources and freedom. What is your natural path? What is your Divine Soul Purpose?

 

This article was originally published in Live Encounters Magazine.

https://energymedicinedna.com

The Bully Archetype

by @candesscampbell

The creativity of your subconscious mind not only shows up in dreams, but also shows up as archetypes in your life. Archetypes are overlying patterns that show up in all cultures that are seeded in the psyche. Some examples of archetypes are mother, judge, teacher and healer. When you begin to look at these patterns in your life, you can unleash your creative energy. You can access your natural path, heal your wounds and move toward your Divine Soul purpose.

Today we will explore the Bully Archetype. This article was first written in response to a situation that I was privy to regarding a child who suffered from bullying from his father. It is apropos today as many live in fear due to the recent election in the United States. The scope of the Bully archetype is massive. There is bullying in the workplace, on college campuses, in schools and schoolyards and as seen in the news on a daily basis today, there are bullies attempting to take over countries!

When looking at the psyche and bullying, there is even the issue of bullying yourself and internally beating yourself up. There is so much about this archetype that can be explored. This article is taking a small slice of the issue and will focus on parents who bully their children. This may be a difficult topic to read about, but I think you will find it valuable.

Recently, when listening to others share stories, the topic of abusive yelling has surfaced over and over again. As an adult, if someone yelled at me, I would just walk away. Children don’t have the ability to do this. The response is generally to shut down and be quiet, to fight back, or to get revenge.

Photoshop Backup 7 577What is bullying and why do people bully? First of all there is a difference between bullying and having the bully archetype. There may be periods of time where someone uses bullying in his or her life and then learns skills to behave more appropriately. Having the bully archetype is when this tendency becomes a strong part of their personality. It becomes a pattern that directs their behavior in an attempt to dominate another person or ultimately, to control their own coward within.

Bullies often use threats or coercion to gain power over another. They will intimidate and be abusive. Sometimes the bully will use physical power to dominate, but here I want to look at the emotional abuse of bullying.

Children especially are vulnerable and parents, in an attempt to control them may use yelling and threatening. They may resort to name-calling, shaming, and other aggressive measures. The reality is, in their attempt to control the child, they are really only showing that they themselves are out of control.

So what happens to these children who are bullied at home? One response is to become quiet and withdraw. On the outside they may appear to become a well-adjusted, compliant child, but on the inside they have a mind of constant negative self-talk. This self-talk can be anger directed at their parent, but more often, it is directed at themselves. This internal abuse becomes a survival technique. In their own attempt at gaining some control they use self-abuse. In some cases this is not just abusive self-talk, but turns into using sharp objects to physically cut on themselves. This may be to release the pain they feel. They want to let it out. When they do this, they may think no one else can hurt them as much as they can hurt themselves. The parent’s response to this may be to use force to try to control the child even more. They blame the child (the victim of the bullying) rather than looking at and owning their own behavior.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Children respond to bullying in a couple of ways!” quote=”Do you have the Bully Archetype?”]

Some children become compliant and work hard so they are not abused. These children excel in school, on the football team and become the leaders in their community. They develop manipulative skills that serve them at home and in other areas of their lives. As adults these skills can go either way. They can help them catapult to the top or eventually destroy their relationships and career.

Sometimes children end up not using their full potential. They may be extremely bright, but end up with low grades. They may have mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, or behaviors such as over-eating or using drugs. Turning their fear, hurt and anger inward eats them alive. When these children become adults, these old wounds begin to surface in their relationships, their jobs, and in their health.

Another way that children survive is to rebel and fight back. What happens here is there is continual yelling, conflict and fighting between the child and the parent. It becomes a battle of the wills. The children may also run away to get away from the situation. These children often go on to bully others, including their siblings. Although they fight to gain power, ultimately the parent has the power because they control the money and the access to the child’s fun and freedom. For children, other than their need for love, their need for fun is essential. In this case the parent continues to be out of control and the child continues to suffer from emotional abuse.

Another way children respond the to bullying is to get revenge. There are several ways they do this. One is directly by breaking something of value to the parent. They may also “tell on” the parent. In this case they may tell their friends, reach out to a teacher, a neighbor, a relative or even the police. They may also share in front of others something embarrassing that the parent did. Often this is difficult for the child because, even though they are angry and feel the parent isn’t fair, they also feel at fault.

Another way they get revenge is indirectly through passive aggressive behavior. Passive aggressive behavior is a way that people express their anger, frustration or hostility indirectly. The child may not finish their chores or move really slowly when the parent is in a hurry. They could pick at something like a lampshade making small holes in it that are not noticeable to their dad. Children who underachieve may be being passive aggressive, especially if the parent has a high need for them to excel. Other passive aggressive behaviors are using sarcasm, being stubborn, or procrastinating. Whatever would get back at the parent without immediate repercussion gives them some sense of power.

So what should a child do when they have an abusive or bullying parent? It is important that they find a safe adult who can help them. As a reader of this article, I ask you to be aware of the children around you and to make sure that they know you are a safe adult. Talk to the children around you and get to know them. Build a rapport so they understand that you are someone they could trust and depend upon. You never know if the child is secretly suffering in her own home.

What if you find that you have the Bully Archetype fully active in your own life at this time? Whatever situation you find yourself in, if you find that you are yelling, name-calling, taking or breaking someone else’s belongings, or even pushing and shoving or other violence, it is important to get help!

There are so many resources for you. One I would suggest first is to find a counselor or a minister that you can confide in. Counselors will provide you with a safe place to learn how to manage your anger and to gain better control in your own life. If you have a child that is difficult to manage, a counselor can assist you with some parenting skills. What happens is the more out of control you feel, the more you try to solve the problem yourself and the less likely you are to resolve the issue. Remember the bully in you, the bully archetype is covering for the inner coward. It takes courage to reach out and get assistance. Seeing a counselor becomes a confidential place for you to share and it is the counselor’s job to listen, support, teach and provide resources for you.

Another resource in addition to counseling is to educate yourself about the problem. Search for books on dealing with your anger. The first step to changing a behavior is identifying it and owning it. You will be amazed at the relief you feel when you start to learn simple steps to shift the pattern that has taken over your life. If you find you are bullying someone, then you too are certainly bullying yourself in the process.

The Bully archetype may or may not be a significant archetypal pattern for you. If it is, remember archetypes cross cultures from the beginning of time and so you are not alone. This is a pattern that can be balanced. The positive attribute of the bully archetype is learning to become courageous. As you reflect, take notes on this and other archetypes you identify with. Notice what thoughts, feelings, and memories have surfaced for you when reading this article. Think about how others see you. Is there something you noticed that is blocking you from your Divine Soul Purpose?

This article was first published in Live Encounters Magazine and updated and republished here.

 

The Vampire Archetype!

by @candesscampbell

The creativity of your subconscious mind not only shows up in dreams, but also shows up as archetypes in your life. Archetypes are overlying patterns that show up in all cultures that are seeded in the psyche. Some examples of archetypes are mother, judge, teacher and healer. When you begin to look at these patterns in your life, you can unleash your creative energy.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Who are the Vampires in your Life?” quote=”With Halloween around the corner and an expectation of ghosts and goblins knocking at my door – I thought this would be a great time to share about the Vampire Archetype!”]

Many cultures are intrigued and fascinated with vampires. Vampires were mythological figures that lived off the essence of others by drinking their blood.

pumpkinHonestly, they give me the creeps, but the adrenaline rush others get from the scariness of blood and gore may be part of the attraction. There is a seductive nature to the vampire as well.

A person with the Vampire Archetype tends to live off of the energy essence of others. Have you ever felt drained by someone you worked with, even if they didn’t talk much? Do you have people in your life that seem to steal your energy? Do you have friends that exhaust you just by being with them?

Maybe you have the Vampire Archetype. After spending time with someone, do you feel energized and then you notice they look like all the blood drained from their face. Do you find others avoid you? Do you come off as clingy or needy? Are you continually looking to others for validation or to make you feel better?

Historically, in many dramas, real or written, the Vampire Archetype has been featured in many male and female relationships. In these cases, there is eroticism between the vampire and his conquest. The female is repelled by the vampire, but also drawn into the sexual nature of the submissiveness. In this case, the male overpowers the female, taking her energy for himself. Today, this archetype may be underlying many domestic abuse situations.

[clickToTweet tweet=”A person with the Vampire Archetype tends to live off of the energy essence of others. ” quote=”A person with the Vampire Archetype tends to live off of the energy essence of others. “]

Currently, people are more aware of the energy around their body, of energy exchange, and how they feel when they are around others. A woman with a Vampire Archetype may come off as loving and helpful, but when she leaves, you may feel like she took a piece of you with her. She may continually ask you for more than you can give or do. She may complain constantly. Maybe you have had a relationship with a man and ended it and he won’t leave. He may continue to cling to you or even stalk you. The codependent relationship may fit into this category.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Do you have people in your life that seem to steal your energy?” quote=”Do you have people in your life that seem to steal your energy?”]

Rather than vampires looking gory and dressing in black and gray with blood dripping down, today they look like anyone else in your life. Much of my work for the last 25 years has been around energy and energy medicine. As an intuitive reader I look into the aura and the chakras of my clients and can see where they are losing power, where they are either giving their power away or being attacked.

scaryWhen someone attaches to you or hits you energetically, you are drained, depressed and sometimes somewhat paralyzed. When you are managing your own energy within yourself and not enmeshed with others, not trying to control others or attaching to others, you feel good!

Previously, I psychically read a woman who had been attacked by another woman who was envious of her. She experienced being hit energetically. When this happened, she felt slimed. As soon as she identified this feeling, I was able to look at her energetically and see who hit her and why. I cleared her energy field right away and put up protection so this could not continue to happen. The person who attacked her has the Vampire Archetype. With further investigation, I understood the language the attacker continually uses is one of lack. She has a scarcity perception. She attaches to others and attacks others, for their life force, rather than understanding that she can fill herself up from within. Instead of being grateful, she focuses on what others have, turns green with envy and becomes toxic. Instead of being full of self-love and loving others, she is continually full of judgment and fear. Although she presents herself as being knowledgeable, slyly her toxicity affects everyone around her.

What do you do if you have a person like this in your life? You can learn to ground yourself and run your own energy (earth and cosmic) and set up protection. I have many meditation tools and videos you can access to do this on my website. You can focus in your heart and bring your attention up out of your crown chakra at the top of your head. See the person there and for three seconds see them receiving a ball of golden white Light, of Love from the Universe. Then let them go. Do this as often as you need to release them from your thoughts. It will be up to the person as to whether they will receive this clearing or not. You though, have in part cleared yourself from their negativity and their energy.

What if you have the Vampire Archetype? You can balance yourself by giving to others without expectation. First, keep your energy clear with the same meditation tools and videos I mentioned above and allow yourself to receive in ways that give you a sense of personal power and self-worth. You can volunteer or help out those around you. Find a counselor or life coach to help you heal the past so that you can be healthy in the present.

If you’re not consciously aware of your energy and how the Vampire archetype is affecting you, you may notice the vampire showing up in your dreams. You may dream you have an encounter with a person or an entity that drains you. You may be paralyzed or even gorier, lose blood. Whether the vampire image in the dream is fictional or someone you know, the vampire sneaks up and suddenly has taken your life force.

Dreams can be scary even though they are coming as a message from your Higher Self. Taking time to work with dreams can be empowering and guide you to take action in your life. If you want to explore your dreams, the book I recommend is Realities of the Dreaming Mind: The Practice of Dream Yoga by Swami Sivananda Radha.

By understanding and working with the Vampire Archetype, you will learn to protect yourself, or if it is your archetype to heal yourself and access your natural path of health and move toward your Divine Soul purpose.

Here is your chance to leave feedback about your experiences of people who have shown up as Vampires in your life! I will be happy to share with you some tools to protect yourself from being attached and losing energy!

This article was previously posted in Live Encounters Magazine.

Lover Archetype

by @candesscampbell

The creativity of your subconscious mind not only shows up in dreams, but also shows up as archetypes in your life.  Archetypes are overlying patterns that show up in all cultures that are seeded in the psyche. Some examples of archetypes are mother, judge, teacher and healer. Today we will explore the Lover. When you begin to look at these patterns in your life, you can unleash your creative energy. You can access your natural path and move toward your Divine Soul purpose.

Leonard Cohen’s song Lover, Lover, Lover, rings in my ears as I explore the Lover Archetype in this series on archetypes.

“May the spirit of this song, may it rise up pure and free. May it be a shield for you, a shield against the enemy,” Cohen purrs. Love, being in love, being a lover brings forth not only the purity, freedom, passion, but also the enemy within: the jealousy, possessiveness, control and codependency. These are the sun and the shadow sides of the Lover archetype.

We all have an aspect of the lover archetype within, but I imagine when you think of your friends and loved ones, someone who embodies this archetype comes to mind. Whether they are passionate about life, about their relationships, or have a great passion for music, art or gardening, you can identify them right away.

If your creative energy is connected to the Lover archetype, you may find that you sacrifice much for your ideals. It may be that others think you don’t live in reality, or that your view of the world through the lens of your heart is not realistic. The lover may characterize you as genuine, happy and giving to others. The shadow side could manifest as obsessive, possessive and scary.

There is also something about the Lover archetype that draws us deep into a sense of suffering. Think about the suffering artist, the struggling musician, and the one who gave up everything for love.

As morose as it may seem, my favorite song, another of Cohen’s greats, is Joan of Arc. Cohen is a contemporary musician who clearly understands passion.

It was deep into his fiery heart
he took the dust of Joan of Arc,
and then she clearly understood
if he was fire, oh then she must be wood.
I saw her wince, I saw her cry,
I saw the glory in her eye.
Myself I long for love and light,
but must it come so cruel, and oh so bright?

Photo with Leonard Cohen!

Photo with Leonard Cohen!

It was Carl Gustav Jung, who was the father of analytical psychology who gave us the concepts of the archetypes, as well as the collective unconscious and the understanding of introversion and extroversion. He identified the shadow side of the archetype as the part that was relegated to the subconscious because, due to its negative qualities, it was not easily integrated into the personality. In psychoanalytic therapy and in dream work, it is important to access the shadow and bring it into the light so that it does not gain power and cause you to subconsciously behave in ways that can be self-defeating or damaging to others.

We know of many instances where the shadow side of love has been destructive. One example would be of Guinevere and Lancelot. Guinevere was married to King Arthur and had an affair with Sir Lancelot. Lancelot was a knight, one of King Arthur’s favorites. This indiscretion leads to the undoing of the Round Table.

What about one’s love for their country? This can also be an outpour of the Lover Archetype. With this strong passion, one can get caught up in an uprising that can end up in disaster or war. The obsessiveness of the shadow side of love can be all encompassing.

Some of our greatest discoveries have come from those who gave their lives to find a cure, understand a formula, and take a passionate stand. In today’s world, workaholism can show up as an expression of the lover archetype. Creativity abounds when you love what you do! The shadow side of this may be neglected relationships or declining health.

It is time to examine your own life and find what stokes your fire. For whom or what would you be willing to give up everything? Whether you actually do it or not, what do you love to do the most? When you look back over your life, where has passion been the driving force behind your choices? Who makes you angry? What would you fight for? Where do you find your bliss?

The Lover may or may not be a significant archetypal pattern for you. As you reflect, take notes on other archetypes you identify. Think about how others see you. Is your career representative of one of your archetypes? For example a strong archetype for me is the Teacher. Interwoven in my life and career is being a Spiritual Teacher. It comes natural to me. What would you do with your time if you had unlimited resources and freedom. What is your natural path? What is your Divine Soul Purpose?

Candess M. Campbell, PhD a #1 Best-selling Author, Intuitive Mentor, Speaker, and International Psychic Medium Healer.

The Bully Archetype

by @candesscampbell

The creativity of your subconscious mind not only shows up in dreams, but also shows up as archetypes in your life. Archetypes are overlying patterns that show up in all cultures that are seeded in the psyche. Some examples of archetypes are mother, judge, teacher and healer. When you begin to look at these patterns in your life, you can unleash your creative energy. You can access your natural path, heal your wounds and move toward your Divine Soul purpose.

 Today we will explore the Bully Archetype. The scope of the Bully archetype is massive. There is bullying in the workplace, on college campuses, in schools and schoolyards and as seen in the news on a daily basis today, there are bullies attempting to take over countries!

When looking at the psyche and bullying, there is even the issue of bullying yourself and internally beating yourself up. There is so much about this archetype that can be explored. This article is taking a small slice of the issue and will focus on parents who bully their children. This may be a difficult topic to read about, but I think you will find it valuable.

Recently, when listening to others share stories, the topic of abusive yelling has surfaced over and over again. As an adult, if someone yelled at me, I would just walk away. Children don’t have the ability to do this. The response is generally to shut down and be quiet, to fight back, or to get revenge.

What is bullying and why do people bully? First of all there is a difference between bullying and having the bully archetype. There may be periods of time where someone uses bullying in his or her life and then they learn skills to behave more appropriately. Having the bully archetype is when this tendency becomes a strong part of their personality. It becomes a pattern that directs their behavior in an attempt to dominate another person or ultimately, to control their own coward within.

Bullies often use threats or coercion to gain power over another. They will intimidate and be abusive. Sometimes the bully will use physical power to dominate, but here I want to look at the emotional abuse of bullying.

Children especially are vulnerable and parents, in an attempt to control them may use yelling and threatening. They may resort to name-calling, shaming, and other aggressive measures. The reality is, in their attempt to control the child, they are really only showing that they themselves are out of control.

So what happens to these children who are bullied at home? One response is to become quiet and withdraw. On the outside they may appear to become a well-adjusted, compliant child, but on the inside they have a mind of constant negative self-talk. This self-talk can be anger directed at their parent, but more often, it is directed at themselves. This internal abuse becomes a survival technique. In their own attempt at gaining some control they use self-abuse. In some cases this is not just abusive self-talk, but turns into using sharp objects to physically cut on themselves. This may be to release the pain they feel. They want to let it out. When they do this, they may think no one else can hurt them as much as they can hurt themselves. The parent’s response to this may be to use force to try to control the child even more. They blame the child (the victim of the bullying) rather than looking at and owning their own behavior.

Some children become compliant and work hard so they are not abused. These children excel in school, on the football team and become the leaders in their community. They develop manipulative skills that serve them at home and in other areas of their lives. As adults these skills can go either way. They can help them catapult to the top or eventually destroy their relationships and career.

Sometimes children end up not using their full potential. They may be extremely bright, but end up with low grades. They may have mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, or behaviors such as over-eating or using drugs. Turning their fear, hurt and anger inward eats them alive. When these children become adults, these old wounds begin to surface in their relationships, their jobs, and in their health.

Another way that children survive is to rebel and fight back. What happens here is there is continual yelling, conflict and fighting between the child and the parent. It becomes a battle of the wills. The children may also run away to get away from the situation. These children often go on to bully others, including their siblings. Although they fight to gain power, ultimately the parent has the power because they control the money and the access to the child’s fun and freedom. For children, other than their need for love, their need for fun is essential. In this case the parent continues to be out of control and the child continues to suffer from emotional abuse.

Another way children respond the to bullying is to get revenge. There are several ways they do this. One is directly by breaking something of value to the parent. They may also “tell on” the parent. In this case they may tell their friends, reach out to a teacher, a neighbor, a relative or even the police. They may also share in front of others something embarrassing that the parent did. Often this is difficult for the child because, even though they are angry and feel the parent isn’t fair, they also feel at fault.

Another way they get revenge is indirectly through passive aggressive behavior. Passive aggressive behavior is a way that people express their anger, frustration or hostility indirectly. The child may not finish their chores or move really slowly when the parent is in a hurry. They could pick at something like a lampshade making small holes in it that are not noticeable to their dad. Children who underachieve may be being passive aggressive, especially if the parent has a high need for them to excel. Other passive aggressive behaviors are using sarcasm, being stubborn, or procrastinating. Whatever would get back at the parent without immediate repercussion gives them some sense of power.

So what should a child do when they have an abusive or bullying parent? It is important that they find a safe adult who can help them. As a reader of this article, I ask you to be aware of the children around you and to make sure that they know you are a safe adult. Talk to the children around you and get to know them. Build a rapport so they understand that you are someone they could trust and depend upon. You never know if the child is secretly suffering in her own home.

What if you find that you have the Bully Archetype fully active in your own life at this time? Whatever situation you find yourself in, if you find that you are yelling, name-calling, taking or breaking someone else’s belongings, or even pushing and shoving or other violence, it is important to get help!

There are so many resources for you. One I would suggest first is to find a counselor or a minister that you can confide in. Counselors will provide you with a safe place to learn how to manage your anger and to gain better control in your own life. If you have a child that is difficult to manage, a counselor can assist you with some parenting skills. What happens is the more out of control you feel, the more you try to solve the problem yourself and the less likely you are to resolve the issue. Remember the bully in you, the bully archetype is covering for the inner coward. It takes courage to reach out and get assistance. Seeing a counselor becomes a confidential place for you to share and it is the counselor’s job to listen, support, teach and provide resources for you.

Another resource in addition to counseling is to educate yourself about the problem. Search for books on dealing with your anger. The first step to changing a behavior is identifying it and owning it. You will be amazed at the relief you feel when you start to learn simple steps to shift the pattern that has taken over your life. If you find you are bullying someone, then you too are certainly bullying yourself in the process.

The Bully archetype may or may not be a significant archetypal pattern for you. If it is, remember archetypes cross cultures from the beginning of time and so you are not alone. This is a pattern that can be balanced. The positive attribute of the bully archetype is learning to become courageous. As you reflect, take notes on this and other archetypes you identify with. Notice what thoughts, feelings, and memories have surfaced for you when reading this article. Think about how others see you. Is there something you noticed that is blocking you from your Divine Soul Purpose?

This article was previously published in Live Encounters Magazine.