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Love Languages for the Holidays!

November 15, 2017 by @candesscampbell

All of us blossom when we feel loved and wither when we do not feel loved.

 ― Gary Chapman

As we approach the holiday season, you may want to take some time to think about the best way to interact with your friends and family during this busy season.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Some people have a natural gift of gab and for buying the perfect gift. Not so for others.” quote=”Some people have a natural gift of gab and for buying the perfect gift. Not so for others.”]

As you plan activities and start your gift shopping, think about the love language of the your loved one.

Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages teaches us to understand what makes you feel loved and what makes your loved ones feel loved.

The five love languages are

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Gifts
  • Acts of Service and
  • Physical Touch

Have you ever had a friend who was continually is asking for validation?

Is there someone in your life who is always touching you as you walk by, rubbing your shoulders, cuddling when you watch a movie?

Does your daughter shop and buy herself gifts all the time? These may be a clue to her love language.

If your mother’s love language is quality time, getting her a gift certificate for massage would not excite her the way taking her to an off-Broadway play would.

If you have a friend whose love language is Acts of Service, making her a book of coupons for services such as babysitting or yard work may be more important to her than getting her a new scarf.

If your loved one’s first love language is physical touch, you may want to plan a quiet evening alone and give each other foot rubs with a sensual essential oil.

Take the online quiz Five Love Languages to find out your own love language. Engage with your family and find out their love language. Sit with a cup of tea and candlelight and share your score with your loved one and see what they found out about themselves.

My highest score is Acts of Service, although Quality Time and Physical Touch are close behind.  When I think of this I remember a boyfriend who built a fence around my yard and how loved I felt. More recently friends wrote reviews for my book and it was the greatest expression of love they could have given me.

I especially appreciate my friend David Sandoval, MD, an immunologist who wrote the review on the back of my book 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine.

Pull back from the bombardment of sales over the holiday and deepen your experience through understanding Love Languages.

 

 

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Does Your Psychic Tell you Everything?

July 25, 2017 by @candesscampbell

When I was first in training to develop my psychic abilities I was so excited to learn. I practiced with a friend who also took the classes. She was a nurse and I was a mental health counselor so I could see that her filter was physical and mine mental and emotional. We each had our strong suits, but we read the way we were taught.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Clarify a Decision with a Psychic Reading! http://bit.ly/2hGeB1D” quote=”Connect with a Loved One with a Psychic Reading!”]

One tool we learned was how to see how “programmable” a person was. That was important. Some people take everything they hear and act on it without consulting their own inner guidance. I think it may have been Sylvia Brown who said that a good psychic is about 80 – 85 % accurate. I’m grateful that I get a lot of positive feedback from clients regarding my readings. Nevertheless, I always tell clients and friends to listen to yourself over any psychic, including me.

On a radio show where I was a guest, a young man called in who was entering into the military. The image I saw was that he would be in danger and may not come home. It was a split second decision I made to offer him to talk with me in private. I shared some positive information about him on the radio show and avoided talking about the blasts I saw all around him. In private I was able to read the situation and clear some contracts and curses that increased his ability to be safe.

 

Another situation was when I was teaching a Reiki class. One of my friends was taking the class and when I worked on her and showed the class how to get psychic information as they worked, I saw her body was full of cancer. Later, when we were in private I asked her if she was interested in what I saw. After telling her I saw cancer, she looked at me in shock, told me I was wrong and her denial about her situation was ignored. A few months later she joined the angels. Although I wondered if telling her were the right decision or not, my knowing she was full of cancer allowed me to be with her, comfort her and be healing in her life.

More recently a friend asked me to see if I could get any information on her lost dog. I thought about this, being a dog owner myself. It was a difficult choice to share or not. In this case, I saw the dog was safe and told her so. The images I got other than knowing the dog was safe was not necessary to share. It could have caused more confusion and pain.

You can see that being told everything the psychic sees can be confusing and overwhelming. I think that is the value of having over 30 years experience as a counselor. I like to focus on what with support the client and remove that which creates pain and suffering.

What clients generally receive from readings can differ, but listed below are some of the ways they benefit.

 

  1. Validation

Most often when I do a reading with a client they feel validated. They may come with a sense to the answer to their question. Having a psychic validate what they already know can be invaluable. It allows them to stop rehearsing the question in their mind, and relax and go on. And, it feels great!

 

  1. Peace of Mind

 When a client gets a reading and finds out the “why” of a situation, it can bring peace. Whether the issue has to do with a past life or a spiritual contact, it is helpful to understand why a job or relationship plays out the way it does. So often it gives my client permission to accept what is happening and to understand they are not responsible. All of us have contracts to complete.

 

  1. Clarity

 So often we need clarity. We get caught up in our view and stuck in our resistance and some clarity can be really helpful. The chakras that I read are full of information. Whatever is coming up for you is related to one of your chakras being out of balance. I use muscle testing to see which chakra and go about clearing, reading and answering your questions. I can attest to how important this is, as I also use a psychic friend to assist me when I need help.

 

  1. Connection with a Loved One

 What I love the most is seeing a client open their heart when I connect with their loved one who has passed over. When they see me connect to their loved one and they feel them in their heart, it is amazing. Not everyone who has passed over has been loving and kind. Helping a client understand what happened and why can be a powerful healing. When I connect with their person, it is a shared experience between myself and the client – seeing, knowing and feeling the person that they lost.

Interested in a reading?

If this is your first, I suggest a 30 minute reading.

 

 

 

 

 

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Why People Cheat

April 16, 2014 by @candesscampbell

After attending a wedding in Kolkata last month and exploring arranged marriages and the low rate of divorce in India, it made me think more about divorce, and specifically, why people cheat.

India 2010 094

 

Having been a professional counselor and intuitive reader for many years, I have been privy to the inside of many relationships, at least through the eyes of my client.

In any relationship, the foundation to having a positive and healthy experience is having good self-esteem. Self-esteem is the value one puts on themselves, how they feel about themselves and a belief of how others perceive them.  Many years ago I attended the second weekend workshop of the Landmark Forum. This workshop is geared to assist the participants in becoming more positive in their lives by having a “break-through” in awareness. You might say it is a 3-day coaching program. Although, for the most part, the participants were successful and generally happy people, at the end of the day, hundreds of participants got up and shared from an exercise they completed the underlying issue behind their difficulties was they did not believe they were either worthy or deserving.

Although this was a small sample of the population, it is challenging for me not to generalize to most people. Given this premise, it would make sense that people who are in committed relationships cheat in order to have an external validation of themselves; of their worth and their value.

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It would be remiss of me not to also address our human need to love and be loved. As a counselor who has worked with thousands of people, I have to understand one’s ability to express and receive love through the lens of their history, beginning with the birth experience on. Each person is different in their ability and desire for intimacy and need to experience the other person as a source of love.

When I ask others why people cheat some of the the responses are “to boost their self-esteem,” “because they are selfish,” and “because they are not getting certain needs met by their partner.” This issue is clearly not black and white.

When clients come to me for a session, ready to end their marriage or long-term relationship, often I ask them when they first knew this was not working, or not going to work. More often than not, they say, right away, or the first week, sometimes even the first day. One of the main reasons I believe relationships don’t work, is people do not listen to their intuition in the first place. The intensity of the relationship, the pheromones, adrenaline, sexual attraction replaces not only what they think (red flags,) but also their gut feeling, their own intuition.

 couples

Having said that, once committed, Why Do People Cheat?

Aside from low self-esteem, lack of communication is definitely one of the main issues. In the intensity of the initial meeting and connection, everything about the person is great. If not so great, although not true, the belief is where the other is not what you want, they will change. Small disagreements are soon met with make-up sessions of love and passion. The ability to communicate may never be addressed and the he relationship over time may not deepen. Rather than searching for answers (which you can find online, in books and with counselors, ministers and healers) the person reaches for someone who adores them, finds them attractive, or gives them what they want without any need for clear communication.

With the lack of communication also can come control issues. Some of the ways that one control are not allowing their loved one to have the freedom to spend time with their friends, controlling the money, or not allowing their partner to work outside the home. Passive aggressive behavior may take over and one partner will withhold sex, or become withdrawn and depressed. Not all depression is a form of passive aggressiveness, but it can be for some. These control issues can include verbal, emotional and physical abuse and the controlled partner eventually finds solace in the arms of another.

When one looks for validation from others, they may create an intimate relationship outside the for the sole purpose of identity and self-esteem. One may marry because the other person “looks good” and makes them “look good.” This is the concept of the “trophy wife.” Women often marry men who have power or money. This would be a marriage that has the prostitute archetype activated. There is a trade between the partners. In these cases, the agreement of the marriage does not satisfy the need for love or the intense sexuality that they may crave and so they may have a love partner on the side.

This desire for love and sexual satisfaction can also be a reason one will cheat when there is no longer love or affection in the marriage. After years of being together, the couple may grow apart and feel as if they are “married singles.” They long for connection and to feel young and alive and because the marriage seems to be dead, they find a lover or maybe even fall in love with another person. Then they have the decision to stay in the marriage or leave.

When one falls in love or wants to fall in love again, rather than leaving, they may stay married and cheat because of family religious obligations, not wanting to upset the children or other family members, or financial dependency or security. They feel stuck, yet make a decision on values of one sort, and giving up the value of fidelity. Another reason similar to this, is one who cannot stand up for themselves. They keep quiet and live the life they despise. This again can be from low self-esteem and in these cases often become passive aggressive, thus an affair.

In some cases, I have seen where clients have had affairs because they have a spouse who is ill. They stay in the marriage to care for their loved one and may still be very much in love, but they are not able to get emotional needs met. Financial dependency or family expectations may also be involved and rather than being unhappy, they make the decision to fill themselves up with love from another.

One of the most common situations I have seen has been when someone cheats because of revenge. This can be because they were cheated on, or because their partner is just not doing what they want. They justify their behavior because they are not happy and take no responsibility for creating happiness for themselves.

More recently, it has come out into the open that some people who are gay, marry to create a public presence that is acceptable. This has happened in politics and other areas where one would lose a lot to be open about their sexuality. Many people who were gay married and created families before society began to be more open and continued to hide behind the façade and have love lives separate from their marriage.

And finally, and possibly the most common reason people cheat is love addiction. As a counselor, I am most privy to this. Love addiction is a combination of many of these reasons: low self-esteem, need for validation, often alcoholism and/or drug addiction, anger and vengeance and more. Love addiction can be a dangerous cycle of creating relationship, getting hurt, feeling desperate, finding a new lover immediately, and the cycle starts again.

This article has delved into why people cheat. Hopefully, you begin to think outside the box of right and wrong, the black and white perspective and understand that some reasons are clearly destructive, some freeing and healing and in all cases, difficult decisions to make.

 

This article was previously published in Live Encounters magazine. http://liveencounters.net/?page_id=6969

5 Love Languages to better Communication

January 11, 2014 by @candesscampbell

Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages teaches us to understand what makes us feel loved and what makes our loved ones feel loved. The five languages are 1) Words of Affirmation 2) Quality Time 3) Gifts 4) Acts of Service and 5) Physical Touch.

Have you ever had a friend who continually is asking for validation? A current or past love who is always touching you as you walk by, rubbing your shoulders, cuddling when you watch a movie? Someone who shops and is buying themselves gifts all the time? These may be clues to their love language.

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If your mother’s love language is quality time, getting her a gift certificate for massage would not excite her the way taking her to an off-Broadway play would.

If you have a friend whose love language is Acts of Service, making her a book of coupons for services such as babysitting or yard work may be more important to her than getting her a new scarf.

If your loved one’s first love language is physical touch, you may want to plan a quiet evening alone and give each other foot rubs with a sensual essential oil.

You can take an online test at http://fivelovelanguages.com/ to find out your own love language. Let your family and friends know what your love language is and in doing this you may be able to explore theirs as well.

You may find you score high on a few love languages. Let your loved ones know this and how they would express this to you.  My highest score is Acts of Service, although Quality Time and Physical Touch are close behind.  When I think of this I remember a boyfriend who built a fence around my yard and how loved I felt. More recently friends wrote reviews for my book and it was the greatest expression of love they could have given me. The photo is of my dear friend David Sandoval, M.D., an immunologist, who wrote an incredible review that is now on the back of my book 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine.

The Five Love Languages

February 8, 2012 by @candesscampbell

With Valentine’s Day ahead there is a lot of energy around passion, love, hearts and connection. This is a great day to honor the ones we love with a giftand you may honor yourself with a gift as well!

This is also a great time to make a deeper connection with those we love by understanding how to “be” with our loved ones, on this special day and everyday!

Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages teaches us to understand what makes us feel loved and what makes our loved ones feel loved. The five languages are 1) Words of Affirmation 2) Quality Time 3) Gifts 4) Acts of Service and 5) Physical Touch.

Have you ever had a friend who continually is asking for validation? A current or past love who is always touching you as you walk by, rubbing your shoulders, cuddling when you watch a movie? Someone who shops and is buying themselves gifts all the time? These may be clues to their love language.

If your mother’s love language is Quality Time, getting her a gift certificate for massage would not excite her the way taking her to an off-Broadway play would.

If you have a friend whose love language is Acts of Service, making her a book of coupons for services such as babysitting or yard work may be more important to her than getting her a new scarf.

If your loved one’s first love language is Physical Touch, you may want to plan a quiet evening alone and give each other foot rubs with a sensual essential oil.

You can take an online test at http://fivelovelanguages.com/ to find out your own love language. Let your family and friends know what your love language is and in doing this you may be able to explore theirs as well.

You may find you score high on a few love languages. Let your loved ones know your language and what it would look like for them to behave in this love language.  My highest score is Acts of Service, although Quality Time and Physical Touch are close behind.  When I think of this I remember a past boyfriend who built a fence around my yard and how loved I felt.

More recently, friends wrote reviews for my upcoming book 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine and it was the greatest expression of love they could have given me.

Enjoy exploring your Love Language with a friend this month of February!

Candess M. Campbell, PHD.

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