Sometimes you find yourself irritable and resistant, and then you create issues with whoever shows up in your life. Of course you don’t believe it is you who is creating the issue. “It was the other car that pulled out in front of me,” or “it wasn’t me who didn’t pay back the loan.”
What often happens is something that is upsetting you right now, may not have upset you last week or wouldn’t tomorrow. It is what is going on with you right now that shines your current perspective on the situation and leaves you upset.
That was my day yesterday. I was irritated by everything – my new dishwasher didn’t wash as well as the old one, the current deadline was sneaking up on the previous one and I didn’t want to work on Saturday anyway!
What happens is anger (frustration, irritation, etc.) covers up pain and fear. It wasn’t until I was watched a recording of “Live from New York” about Saturday Night Live that I became clear on what was happening. There was a scene of the World Trade Center’s north tower collapsing and all of the sudden I was in tears. Even then the tears were more surface and I knew there was something deeper that needed to be released. It was late and I wasn’t ready to unleash these feelings right before I went to bed, but promised myself I would journal in the morning. I knew what was brewing below.
This morning the sadness lingered and I understood that it was time for me to journal. When you don’t address feelings they become buried alive and eventually come up as some form of anger, depression or may even create illness. My tendency is to “clear” with someone when there is an unresolved issue, but it’s not always possible. Sometimes when you try to talk with someone they don’t listen and talk over you, they can’t grasp what you are saying, it is not safe to talk with them because they are aggressive or maybe the person is just toxic and you don’t want to be around them any longer.
What I do in this case is I write a letter to the person in my journal and, of course, don’t send it to them. Journaling is a way to connect with your intuition. When you journal, often a part of you comes through that guides you or gives you comfort. Although I wish I had noticed my irritability was covering pain earlier so I didn’t spend so much time in resistance, I am so happy I wrote this letter in my journal.
In my writing I was redirected to journal, meditate, and eat healthy and go for a walk. During my walk with Domingo along the Spokane River I used another tool of mine. I focused in my heart and felt gratitude as I listed in my mind all of my blessings.
Enjoy this Soul Stem journal process!